I've got a general theme this week - first my stupid process and now I'm hating my stupid story. First draft blues in other words. I should know by now that at a certain point in the first draft - usually about 3/4s of the way through - I start to doubt everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. The characters, the conflict, the plot. Everything sucks. Sucks in a 'I can't stand this stupid thing, what's the point even writing it?' way.
I don't know why this happens but without fail it happens to every single story.
And I'm at that point now with the WIP. It feels like there's vital bits of conflict still to put in and I'm at 35k already. Vital bits of backstory. Conversations the hero and heroine still haven't had. I'm worried that the character arcs won't be clear enough. Have I put in enough 'romance'. Are the motivations clear. Does my plot actually work....
Basically it just sucks. Inevitably, once I've finished, I read back over it and I realise it's actually not as bad as all that but having to go through this particular doubting process is SUCH a drag. It's at times like this where I wish I was a first-time right kind of writer. Where your first draft, with a once over lightly edit, is pretty much the finished product. But I'm not, I'm a 'spew all your words down first, then edit the crap out of it later' kind of writer. And right now I'm thinking that there's way too much crap to edit out.
Maybe it's just the mood I'm in. Maybe my story really actually does suck bigtime. Maybe I need to bin the whole thing and start again.
So does anyone else have this syndrome? What do you do to keep yourself writing? Any hot tips???
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Stupid Process
Yeah, well, sometimes my process is stupid. Why? Well, I've been doing again what I swore never to do - moving my characters to suit my plot. Gah! It's so insidious. You have a great idea for a scene perhaps mid-way through the book and because you love the idea of this scene so much, you start moving your characters towards it instead of letting it evolve naturally. At least that's what I've been doing. You'd think I know by now that when suddenly all the scenes get very hard to write and I feel like I'm wading through wet cement, it's a sign I'm pushing my characters not the other way round. But no, it's like 'Why is this scene so hard to write? Why aren't they doing what they're told? Why can't I get that lovely, flowy thing going? Argh!' *chucks keyboard across the room*
Sigh.
This is what happens when a die-hard pantser has to plot. Or when an impatient writer is desperate to write the 'good bits'.
I think for a lot of the past year, I've been trying to get back to the way I used to write. Which was having no idea for plot etc, just writing as it comes, finding out what was going to happen when my characters did. Which was fine. Until it came to revising something and then I realised that actually, craft wasn't there just to confuse me and make me feel annoyed. It was there because if you want to work with an editor and possibly get published, you kind of have to know the nuts and bolts of how to put a story together. Certainly you have to if you want to stay published. The problem with learning craft is that it can get in the way of how you write. You're so worried about conflict/character arc/structure etc, etc, that it can act as a barrier and totally kill your spark.
The mss I wrote last year were a case in point. It's like weaving a tapestry that you used to do totally by instinct and now you actually have to look at what you're doing. Make sure you've got enough blue threads, not too many reds, put in a bit of green, but watch out for too much yellow. Oh and not forgetting that you need a little bit of purple because ahead there's a design you want to do that has LOTs of purple in it so you have to put it in now. And because you're worrying so much about all the different threads, before you know it, your lovely weaving is just a paint by numbers job, not a fabulous, organic, creative bit of art.
Anyway, the point of this is that I need to get to a point where I can incorporate the craft I've learned, with my instinct. And that means not pushing your characters forward because you want to write a really good argument/love scene/black moment. Or because you need to get them to this point so you can have this particular scene (you would not believe the problems I had trying to incorporate a strip chess scene in my Chessman ms. It was SO hard. In the end I took it out because I realised my characters were trying to tell me something - they didn't want to play bloody strip chess!). For me I need to be with them in the moment, not think about what more I have to do for their characters arcs or how I'm going to work out their conflict etc etc. If I know my characters well enough, it'll work out. I have to trust my instinct more. Oh and probably stopping being so damn impatient would help too!
So, anyone else learned anything interesting about their process?
Sigh.
This is what happens when a die-hard pantser has to plot. Or when an impatient writer is desperate to write the 'good bits'.
I think for a lot of the past year, I've been trying to get back to the way I used to write. Which was having no idea for plot etc, just writing as it comes, finding out what was going to happen when my characters did. Which was fine. Until it came to revising something and then I realised that actually, craft wasn't there just to confuse me and make me feel annoyed. It was there because if you want to work with an editor and possibly get published, you kind of have to know the nuts and bolts of how to put a story together. Certainly you have to if you want to stay published. The problem with learning craft is that it can get in the way of how you write. You're so worried about conflict/character arc/structure etc, etc, that it can act as a barrier and totally kill your spark.
The mss I wrote last year were a case in point. It's like weaving a tapestry that you used to do totally by instinct and now you actually have to look at what you're doing. Make sure you've got enough blue threads, not too many reds, put in a bit of green, but watch out for too much yellow. Oh and not forgetting that you need a little bit of purple because ahead there's a design you want to do that has LOTs of purple in it so you have to put it in now. And because you're worrying so much about all the different threads, before you know it, your lovely weaving is just a paint by numbers job, not a fabulous, organic, creative bit of art.
Anyway, the point of this is that I need to get to a point where I can incorporate the craft I've learned, with my instinct. And that means not pushing your characters forward because you want to write a really good argument/love scene/black moment. Or because you need to get them to this point so you can have this particular scene (you would not believe the problems I had trying to incorporate a strip chess scene in my Chessman ms. It was SO hard. In the end I took it out because I realised my characters were trying to tell me something - they didn't want to play bloody strip chess!). For me I need to be with them in the moment, not think about what more I have to do for their characters arcs or how I'm going to work out their conflict etc etc. If I know my characters well enough, it'll work out. I have to trust my instinct more. Oh and probably stopping being so damn impatient would help too!
So, anyone else learned anything interesting about their process?
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
FOMO
Okay, confession time. I have been avoiding New Voices. Yep, totally and completely avoiding it. Why? Weeeeelllll, long story and one I'm not going to share on this blog but it was part of why last year was the Annus Horribilis of my writing career (can I call it a career when I'm not actually being paid for it??). Anyway, the problem with avoiding something this big is that...well....you actually can't avoid it. Especially when you have a bad case of FOMO. Not heard of FOMO? It's Fear Of Missing Out. :-)
So, I've got this FOMO thing going on and there are so many great writers out there who have entered and I am feeling so bad for not going and reading the entries...
I think I probably need to man up and at least go have a look. I'll never be able to read all the entries but I should go and read those of the people I know (sorry guys, I am a BAD friend).
As for entering myself... Well, last year people really liked my chapter and I was beyond thrilled at the feedback. But the sad fact of the matter was that it didn't get anywhere. And I have an inkling as to why after several people let me know - in the nicest possible way - what the problem with it was.
No conflict.
Oh, I had conflict. I had bags of it. But did I put it in that first chapter? No I did not. Neither did I give either character any discernable, obvious goal. They had nothing to fight for, nothing to make what they were doing matter either for them or the reader. And without a goal there is no momentum. The characters are just standing around talking. Sigh. I guess, if nothing else, I can be proud of the fact that even with that dreadful faux pas, everyone STILL really liked it. :-)
It's not a mistake I'll make again. I still don't know whether I'm entering this year or not. I have a chapter I'm working on that is NOTHING like my last year's chapter . But one thing it WILL have is conflict.
So here's my avoidant New Voices advice to you for what it's worth:
Make sure your conflict is there in the first chapter. Give your characters a goal, something to fight for. Make it matter. Make it simple and make it obvious.
Easy, right?
So, I've got this FOMO thing going on and there are so many great writers out there who have entered and I am feeling so bad for not going and reading the entries...
I think I probably need to man up and at least go have a look. I'll never be able to read all the entries but I should go and read those of the people I know (sorry guys, I am a BAD friend).
As for entering myself... Well, last year people really liked my chapter and I was beyond thrilled at the feedback. But the sad fact of the matter was that it didn't get anywhere. And I have an inkling as to why after several people let me know - in the nicest possible way - what the problem with it was.
No conflict.
Oh, I had conflict. I had bags of it. But did I put it in that first chapter? No I did not. Neither did I give either character any discernable, obvious goal. They had nothing to fight for, nothing to make what they were doing matter either for them or the reader. And without a goal there is no momentum. The characters are just standing around talking. Sigh. I guess, if nothing else, I can be proud of the fact that even with that dreadful faux pas, everyone STILL really liked it. :-)
It's not a mistake I'll make again. I still don't know whether I'm entering this year or not. I have a chapter I'm working on that is NOTHING like my last year's chapter . But one thing it WILL have is conflict.
So here's my avoidant New Voices advice to you for what it's worth:
Make sure your conflict is there in the first chapter. Give your characters a goal, something to fight for. Make it matter. Make it simple and make it obvious.
Easy, right?
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Rules
I've got some Rules to follow over at the Sassy's site if you're interested. All about how to include alien motherships in Presents. (not really).
Monday, September 12, 2011
Synopsis Love
I know, you wondering how that's even possible. Because there is NO FREAKING WAY to love writing a synopsis. And actually, it's not that I love writing synopses (I don't, I hate 'em) or that I'm any good at writing them (Nup, not that either) it's just the past two synopses I've written have been the easiest ever. They weren't even two pages!
So what's my secret? Well, I kind of don't want to say in case it proves that I am wrong, wrong, wrong. And also there really isn't a secret (except some good advice from Maisey Yates). It's a case of learning to let go the details of the story and focus on what is really important - the development of the romance and the character arc. I know, it's hard to figure out what are 'details' and what aren't. If you include this bit, then that means you have to include that and before you know it, you've got one page just on the first chapter! (my hint is if you think it's a detail, it probably is. So leave it out!).
In fact, in many ways, for me it's easier to write a synopsis for a story I haven't written yet. Because that way, there are no details to bog me down, plus it's great for figuring out whether your conflict works or not. Nothing like getting halfway through a synopsis and realising that your characters don't have enough conflict. Or that what you thought was the conflict, isn't what they thought.
But anyway, why were these ones so easy to write? Because I did totally leave out any extraneous details apart from the external conflict that brings them together. The rest is just how broadly the romance develops - their first impressions of each other. How that makes it worse for them. How they find connection. How that connection makes it worse. What they do about that. Why that doesn't work. And then the change they have to make in order to be together (the resolution of the conflict). The turning points of the story, etc, etc.
Now this could all be entirely wrong of course and in fact my synopses are crap! But at this point, taking an hour or two to write one instead of the usual three days, with another two for hair pulling and complaining, is AOK with me.
And just to show you I'm not all about how wonderful my synopses are (not), I am also going to include this little linky thing here (Sonny Bill Williams and his ripped shirt). I am not a rugby fan but since the Rugby World Cup is happening in my neck of the woods (American visitors, please visit this link hehe), I thought it pertinent to gift to the world a small incident that actually made me watch part of a game. I think the person behind the camera must have been a woman...:-)
So what's my secret? Well, I kind of don't want to say in case it proves that I am wrong, wrong, wrong. And also there really isn't a secret (except some good advice from Maisey Yates). It's a case of learning to let go the details of the story and focus on what is really important - the development of the romance and the character arc. I know, it's hard to figure out what are 'details' and what aren't. If you include this bit, then that means you have to include that and before you know it, you've got one page just on the first chapter! (my hint is if you think it's a detail, it probably is. So leave it out!).
In fact, in many ways, for me it's easier to write a synopsis for a story I haven't written yet. Because that way, there are no details to bog me down, plus it's great for figuring out whether your conflict works or not. Nothing like getting halfway through a synopsis and realising that your characters don't have enough conflict. Or that what you thought was the conflict, isn't what they thought.
But anyway, why were these ones so easy to write? Because I did totally leave out any extraneous details apart from the external conflict that brings them together. The rest is just how broadly the romance develops - their first impressions of each other. How that makes it worse for them. How they find connection. How that connection makes it worse. What they do about that. Why that doesn't work. And then the change they have to make in order to be together (the resolution of the conflict). The turning points of the story, etc, etc.
Now this could all be entirely wrong of course and in fact my synopses are crap! But at this point, taking an hour or two to write one instead of the usual three days, with another two for hair pulling and complaining, is AOK with me.
And just to show you I'm not all about how wonderful my synopses are (not), I am also going to include this little linky thing here (Sonny Bill Williams and his ripped shirt). I am not a rugby fan but since the Rugby World Cup is happening in my neck of the woods (American visitors, please visit this link hehe), I thought it pertinent to gift to the world a small incident that actually made me watch part of a game. I think the person behind the camera must have been a woman...:-)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Distracting Myself From Pressing Send
It's subbing eve. Soon I will have two stories out there. Soon I'll be back on that big 'ole rollercoaster, viewing my inbox with trepidation, nay with horror. But what's a girl to do?
I had two really great pieces of advice when I confessed my subbing fear at the Auckland chapter group meeting last week. The first from the lovely Nalini Singh (namedrop, namedrop) who suggested getting out all the lovely things people have told me about my writing from contests etc and re-reading them. The second was from the also very lovely Yvonne Lindsay (more namedropping) who asked me whether I thought people deserved to read my stories. And my gut feeling was....hell yes!
Anyway, to distract myself from subbing fear, I am reading a book called One Day by David Nicholls. Not only is it a romance it is also awesome. At least so far - I haven't finished it yet. It charts the relationship of two people over the space of twenty years by concentrating on one day every year. So far the two protagonists are best friends (they start off as lovers) and as friends-to-lovers is my favourite trope in the whole wide world, I am loving it!
In fact, it's the story I wanted to write back when I was still a baby writer. In fact, I did kind of write it. Before I decided to concentrate on publication, the last story I wrote was a friends to lovers story over the space of twenty years. Coincidence? I think not!
However sadly the twist of writing one day every year didn't occur to me. And I suck at literary writing. And although I loved writing it and still adore the characters, there was SO much wrong with it it's not funny. For a start it's over 300k long. Then there's the fact that the heroine had no conflict. The hero did though I didn't explore it. There's also infidelity (hero/heroine), mountain climbing, a threesome (hero), drug taking (hero), lots of cussing, almost rape (heroine), overdoses (heroine plus others), ectopic pregnancy (heroine) and death by pulmonary embolism.
It was awesome.
Perhaps I should get it out, polish it up and send that out too. :-)
I had two really great pieces of advice when I confessed my subbing fear at the Auckland chapter group meeting last week. The first from the lovely Nalini Singh (namedrop, namedrop) who suggested getting out all the lovely things people have told me about my writing from contests etc and re-reading them. The second was from the also very lovely Yvonne Lindsay (more namedropping) who asked me whether I thought people deserved to read my stories. And my gut feeling was....hell yes!
Anyway, to distract myself from subbing fear, I am reading a book called One Day by David Nicholls. Not only is it a romance it is also awesome. At least so far - I haven't finished it yet. It charts the relationship of two people over the space of twenty years by concentrating on one day every year. So far the two protagonists are best friends (they start off as lovers) and as friends-to-lovers is my favourite trope in the whole wide world, I am loving it!
In fact, it's the story I wanted to write back when I was still a baby writer. In fact, I did kind of write it. Before I decided to concentrate on publication, the last story I wrote was a friends to lovers story over the space of twenty years. Coincidence? I think not!
However sadly the twist of writing one day every year didn't occur to me. And I suck at literary writing. And although I loved writing it and still adore the characters, there was SO much wrong with it it's not funny. For a start it's over 300k long. Then there's the fact that the heroine had no conflict. The hero did though I didn't explore it. There's also infidelity (hero/heroine), mountain climbing, a threesome (hero), drug taking (hero), lots of cussing, almost rape (heroine), overdoses (heroine plus others), ectopic pregnancy (heroine) and death by pulmonary embolism.
It was awesome.
Perhaps I should get it out, polish it up and send that out too. :-)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
When You're Afraid of Your Own Story
Alrighty, I have now finished the partial requested by Mills and Boon, and also the full I need to send to to Carina. All I need to do is a final polish on both and then a synopses each. Easy.
Well, okay apart from actually writing the synopses.
And the HUGE subbing fear that is currently lurking around in my brain.
Yep, easy all right.
I think this might be a good time to remind myself of the speech Jane Porter gave at the close of the Romance Writers of Australia conference. She was incredibly inspirational and what she said really struck home to me at the time. She spoke about how long it too her to get published and the ups and downs of the industry. Then she then went on to describe a little incident with her son about how he was learning how to play baseball and how his coach was talking to him as he prepared to hit the ball, how the coach was telling him he owned the ball, this one was his, this one had his name written all over it, he could do it. The kid struck out about three times but the coach was constantly telling him how he could do it. How he could hit this one out of the park. And on the third time he did it.
She mentioned this in the context of how wonderful it is to have support when you're doing something hard, but I got something out of it that was a little different. Because it gelled with something else that someone had told me earlier on in the conference - that we are the experts in our stories. No one else knows our stories like we do. No one else knows our characters like we do.
And I thought to myself that yep, I'm that kid. I'm standing there with a bat in my hand. And that ball? That ball is my story and I've been afraid of it. Afraid I'll get it wrong somehow, that my characters will be wrong, that my conflict will be wrong, that my plot will be wrong. And for the past year, I've been kind of taking punts at the balls that keep being thrown at me, but I'm so afraid of them, I don't even try swinging. Because deep down, I'm not sure I can hit them.
I am not owning my stories. They are owning me.
Well, at the end of her speech, Jane spoke about not giving in to despair. That your journey is your own, it's not anyone else's. That all you've got is you - but that's the biggest strength there is.
And I thought 'yeah, she's bloody right'. I need to stop giving in to despair. Stop being afraid of my own stupid stories. Stop letting them own me. Because I am the expert here, not them. I write them, they don't write me. I own them. They're mine. And the more I own them, the greater the chance will be that I'll hit one of them out of the ballpark.
It may not be the ones I've just written. But one day, one of those stories will, literally, have my name written all over it.
So there, inspirational speech/pep talk/coach for the week. Just remind me of it when the time comes to hit send! :-)
Well, okay apart from actually writing the synopses.
And the HUGE subbing fear that is currently lurking around in my brain.
Yep, easy all right.
I think this might be a good time to remind myself of the speech Jane Porter gave at the close of the Romance Writers of Australia conference. She was incredibly inspirational and what she said really struck home to me at the time. She spoke about how long it too her to get published and the ups and downs of the industry. Then she then went on to describe a little incident with her son about how he was learning how to play baseball and how his coach was talking to him as he prepared to hit the ball, how the coach was telling him he owned the ball, this one was his, this one had his name written all over it, he could do it. The kid struck out about three times but the coach was constantly telling him how he could do it. How he could hit this one out of the park. And on the third time he did it.
She mentioned this in the context of how wonderful it is to have support when you're doing something hard, but I got something out of it that was a little different. Because it gelled with something else that someone had told me earlier on in the conference - that we are the experts in our stories. No one else knows our stories like we do. No one else knows our characters like we do.
And I thought to myself that yep, I'm that kid. I'm standing there with a bat in my hand. And that ball? That ball is my story and I've been afraid of it. Afraid I'll get it wrong somehow, that my characters will be wrong, that my conflict will be wrong, that my plot will be wrong. And for the past year, I've been kind of taking punts at the balls that keep being thrown at me, but I'm so afraid of them, I don't even try swinging. Because deep down, I'm not sure I can hit them.
I am not owning my stories. They are owning me.
Well, at the end of her speech, Jane spoke about not giving in to despair. That your journey is your own, it's not anyone else's. That all you've got is you - but that's the biggest strength there is.
And I thought 'yeah, she's bloody right'. I need to stop giving in to despair. Stop being afraid of my own stupid stories. Stop letting them own me. Because I am the expert here, not them. I write them, they don't write me. I own them. They're mine. And the more I own them, the greater the chance will be that I'll hit one of them out of the ballpark.
It may not be the ones I've just written. But one day, one of those stories will, literally, have my name written all over it.
So there, inspirational speech/pep talk/coach for the week. Just remind me of it when the time comes to hit send! :-)
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