Supermarket Queues

So I'm at a packed supermarket and I'm trying to find a checkout that hasn't got fifty million people queued up and not having much luck. I can't use the 12 items or less checkout because I have more than 12 items and the self-serve checkout is a little bit new-fangled and freaky for me.

My heart is sinking cause I know I'm going to be in the supermarket FOREVER at this rate, and then I happen to see a checkout that only has one old lady in it. So I nip in behind her, looking at everyone else and feeling smug because I know I'm going to get out before them.

And then the old lady starts taking coupons out of her bag. And she's got a LOT of coupons. And then the other queues start going really fast and I realise, with another sinking sensation, that I have picked the wrong queue. *dramatic music*


Desperately I search for another queue that looks like it's going faster and get into that one. And it works. For a minute. But then the man in front of me pulls out something he has in his bag that he wants to return, and starts arguing with the checkout operator. Another wrong queue.

I skip to the next one but this one has a young woman who is trying to buy alcohol and has to have her ID checked and the operator clearly doesn't have the authority to authorise it and has called their superior. But their superior is currently arguing with the man who is still trying to return something.

I find another queue and this one looks like it's going fast, and I'm feeling once again so pleased with myself. But just as I start putting my shopping on the conveyor, the checkout operator slaps a 'checkout closed' sign down and goes off on her break.

So I whip in behind a mother and her kids and hey, she's got a LOT of shopping but there's no one else behind her, and it's going really well. Until her kids start playing up. And she starts arguing with the checkout operator about the specials. Then she realises she's forgotten to get something and heads off towards the shelves.

I am beginning to think I will never get out of this supermarket.

I try the queue with the man returning stuff but he's still arguing and now there's another checkout operator involved. Brieflly I consider the queue with the young woman buying alcohol but realise her operator is now the one involved with the man arguing. The mother still hasn't come back from the shelves and the old lady is still fumbling around in her bag for her coupons.

At this point I know that my fears are correct. There are no shortcuts. Some queues are faster and there's no rhyme or reason to them, they just are. If you're lucky you'll get a short queue. If you're not, you won't.

I go back to the queue with the old lady. And I wait. And wait. And wait.

That new-fangled self-serve checkout is starting to look better and better.

So You Think You Can Write? Or Does My Butt Look Big in This? (Plus Congrats!)

Who else is feeling like they can write? I should clarify, this is for those of us who are taking the SYTYCW trip and are expecting to hear back this week. Are you excited? Nervous? Couldn't care less? NTAI? Personally I'm feeling like I can vomit.

I actually thought I would be okay with this. Mainly because I subbed something different to what I normally write and so therefore if it gets the old heave ho, I can safely say to myself, 'Oh well, it was my first sub for this line and it's not what I wanted to write anyway." But you know, I don't think I am okay with it! I'm bl**dy nervous! My poor old Frenchman is subbed as a Modern/Presents and I am quite concerned. Writing MH/Riva is like an old pair of comfortable, flattering jeans. I love wearing them and I think I look good in them. Modern/Presents is a pair of new jeans with stiff denim and in a style I'm not sure suits me. Does my butt look big in this?
I do NOT want to hear 'Of course your butt looks massive. What were you thinking?!'
What I DO want to hear is 'Darling, you look fab. Have you lost weight?'

Really, waiting and anticipating NEVER gets any easier. And I'm sure the pubbed authors among you will say the same thing. I've been doing this for three years now (I know, I'm just a baby submitter) and the Inbox of Doom remains the Inbox of Doom and not the Inbox of Win. On that happy note, at least it's certain that news of some kind will make it's way to me at some stage during this week (Will they let us know on the day? The week before? Who knows??).

Anyway, the most annoying thing about all of this is that I am letting my NTAI nerves paralyse me. I don't know what to keep writing. There is the Frenchman whom I'm certain will get the thumbs down (SYTYCW), there's the Hammer Pants ms which I actually love and want to keep editing but simply don't know whether to keep doing so or not. And lastly the soldier story (remember that?) which I subbed in October last year. In my handover email from the ed, she told me she'd read the soldier and also the my winning High Five entry (Hammer Pants) and had had a chat with the ed I am now working with about 'which one to proceed with'. But she gave no hint as to which she liked! Which she wouldn't of course but still! Anyway, I guess 'which one to proceed with' does seem to indicate that one will be proceeded with. But which one??? Just my luck it won't be the one I want to proceed with...

Right, that's enough of my ramblings. Wanted to say HUGE CONGRATS to Susan Wilson for her sale to Medicals!!!! You rock, Susan!!

So how's everyone else holding up for SYTYCW? Got any NTAI strategies you want to share?

Three Little Problems

Yep, have sent a chapter and synopsis to the ed. No, not the NV entry as yet. This is my soldier story (though I'm thinking of losing the soldier part since it only adds to his character and doesn't directly relate to the story). I feel paranoid and sick about it naturally. The previous two ideas haven't gone down well so I have no idea whether this will fare any better. I have tried really hard to take what the ed's been saying to me on board so whether I've managed it will be anyone's guess.

You see, here are my problems:

1. I have been writing romances since I was 12. Now these were only for myself, not for publication. So I have had over 20 years of writing stories where I could do whatever the hell I wanted and that seemed to mostly be concerned with piling as much angst as I could into it. Hey, I didn't have to please anyone but myself so why not? Flashforward 28 years and I'm still trying to stop myself from piling on the angst. Fear of failure? Sure. Why not add fear of being vulnerable too? Oh yes, and also fear of not being wanted, hating to be protected and stick an unplanned pregnancy in there too. Enough conflict for ya?

2. I HATE being hit over the head with the obvious as a reader. QED, as a writer I am not obvious enough. This combined with a fear of my characters being too self aware, means sometimes the conflict isn't obvious in the first chapter. And neither is their motivation.

3. I came late to reading romance. I only started reading a lot of it 3 years ago. Up till then, the only romance I read was an M&B binge every 6 months or so. I've been trying to catch up on the genre but up until 3 years ago, I didn't even know a romance had to have an HEA, let alone heroic, aspirational, sympathetic characters.

So these three little problems of mine have all conspired against me. Not only do I over complicate my conflicts so it's not clear, I am also not obvious about them so readers (and editors!) don't know what motivates them. Ergo this makes them unsympathetic because if you don't know what motivates them, you can't relate to them. Add to that a tendency to want to break the 'romance' mould with my characters because I want to do something different (and not knowing what's 'acceptable' and what's not), and you have a recipe for disaster. And rejection.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, it's taking me a VERY long time to both be aware of these problems and to overcome them. My latest sub I have tried hard to stick to one conflict for both my characters, made sure it's clear and have tried to follow it to its conclusion in the synop. I have also tried to make it more obvious in the first chapter. The thing I'm most worried about is my heroine. I've - again! - tried to make her different. I hope I haven't overstepped the mark. She's spiky and prickly, and kind of rude. There is a reason for this and I'd really like to think I got it across in that first chapter but...

Who knows? Only time will tell I guess. Anyway, it's back to NTAI for me! Where's everyone else at?

Angry Birds

Okay so no, haven't had any news since that email from the ed last week. And am feeling frustrated today. The progress of this story feels somewhat akin to Chinese Water Torture and I'm wondering whether in April, when they told me the story needed to be rewritten, I should have just accepted the story wasn't right and subbed something fresh. But no, I had to go and prove that I could rewrite if they wanted me to. Just to show them I could. And what did I do? I wrote a good first chapter - yeah, they liked it - but somehow, in chapters 2 and 3 I broke it. I really, really thought that whatever failings there might be with the partial, at least it would warrant a request for the rest of it. But not even that is forthcoming.

Eight months on since I first subbed the synopsis to this story and I really wish I hadn't bothered rewriting it. But because I did, I've just prolonged the agony by another four months. The VoD is, of course, telling me it's an R. The VoD is telling me I can't rewrite, and not only can I not write a story they'll want to buy, I'll NEVER write a story they'll want to buy.

Honestly, today is a 'why on earth am I bothering with this sh*t?' kind of day.

Anyway, why the Angry Birds? Okay, well, this morning as I checked the email on the iPad and realised that there was no email from the ed (again), in my frustration and in a desperate bid to NTAI, I started up a little app called Angry Birds. It's a game where you have to fire a little bird from a catapult at an edifice that protects a little pig. Your aim is to crumble the edifice and pop the pig. It's horribly addictive and quite ridiculous. Sometimes the edifices are complicated and it takes forever to pop all the pigs and complete the level. Very frustrating. You see where I'm going with this? Yes, this stupid publishing journey of mine is a lot like playing Angry Birds. No matter how complicated the edifice you have to collapse, no matter if you've popped all the pigs but one, no matter how close you are, you still fail the level. And so you have to try again if you want to complete the game.

So here I am, still trying to complete the game. And I'm going to pop all those pigs if it's the last thing I do.

The Terrified Optimist

I always thought I was a glass half empty kind of person. But just over the past couple of days, I've realised that in fact, I'm not. I'm not even a glass half full kind of person. I'm actually a glass overflowing with the sparkling Waters of Immortality kind of person. I am, deep down, an over the top, complete and utter instinctive optimist. Except the problem with my optimism is that I'm terrified of it. Why?

Because I've always been a person who has very high expectations and the problem with high expectations is that you are inevitably destined for disappointment. And I've had a lot of disappointments. So to help cope with my over the top optimism, I have developed the Voice of Doom (hmmm, could be a good conflict here. I could put this in a story. Can't switch the writer off eh?). So when I send off a sub, the over the top, incurable optimist inside me is going 'what if they like this so much, they ring me tomorrow and offer to buy it??'. But this is bad because this will never happen, so up pops the Voice of Doom with, 'Idiot. Don't even think that. You'll be lucky if they don't reject it.'. And experience has backed up the Voice of Doom so I listen to it. I'm afraid of thinking good things about my submissions in case I'll be disappointed. Because if you expect the worst, then when it comes it won't hurt, right?

Which is why, when my CPs happen to tell me my latest chapter is great or that my idea for a new story is good, I go 'Thanks. I kind of like it. But I don't know whether the eds will like it or not'. That's the Voice of Doom talking down my OTT optimist who is bouncing around going, 'Yeah! I love it too! It's instant sale time!'. The VoD also fits in quite nicely with the Kiwi way of talking ourselves down all the time, so really, I can't win. The VoD wins every time.

Anyway, long way of saying the VoD was not helpful on Friday night when I received an email update from the ed about my partial. It wasn't a bad email but it wasn't a good email either. It was a 'something's not quite working with your partial and I'm getting a second opinion' email. The VoD immediately told me it was a rejection because the last time a second opinion was had, it was a rejection. And this time the OTT optimist is in the corner, lip wobbling, going 'what? How can something so brilliant not be working?'

Yeah, well, I don't know either. I thought I had done better than that but clearly not. Of course, since I subbed the partial, I've realised that there are pacing issues that need to be addressed and probably a bit more layering in needs to be done, but surely it's not that bad that it's another rejection? Does it have to be absolutely perfect and revision free in order to get a request for a full? And what about the synopsis? The last time I was asked for the full, I had a crap synopsis and a story with no internal conflict so does this mean my current sub is worse than that? Why is the ed being so hard on me?? Wahhh!!

*small violin plays tragic music*

You can hear the VoD assuming it's an R can't you? Fact is, it's an update, nothing more. It could mean an eventual R or it may be revisions. I won't know until I hear back. But I know I shouldn't compare this ms with ones that I've subbed before, or what happens with other people, but human nature being what it is, I do. And I wonder if I've really got what it takes after all.

I should probably stop before the VoD takes over completely but you should know that the OTT optimist hasn't been squashed utterly. As I went to the conference on Saturday morning wondering what on earth I was doing there since I clearly didn't have what it takes to be a proper author, a little voice inside of me was going 'oh well, better polish up Three Days in case it's an R. That has got to be the one'.

PS: in terms of the Very Soon Sweepstake, does this mean I've 'heard'? Or should it be in the final decision, whatever that may be?

Bad Romance

I know it's a Lady Gaga song but hey, it's just crying out to be used as a blog post title too. ;-) And hey, my writing is all crap at the moment so it's a fitting title. Anyway, I've been slack on the blog front. Mainly due to the massive plunge into 'why do I bother' territory. Been 11 weeks now since I sent off my two chapters. Not very long really (you really know you're a writer when 11 weeks becomes 'not very long'). I kind of hoped I'd hear sooner because two chapters isn't even a full partial but....well....not as the case may be. Still, I did email her to ask about the New Voices comp and whether I should enter and she did reply. Apparently the experience should be fun and I should give it a go. I don't know if will yet. Depends on how much of a masochist I am and considering my feelings about writing at the moment, I'm thinking not. But, well, you know me, up and down ALL the time so by September I may be feeling entirely differently.

Oh and the ed told I would be hearing 'very soon' about my sub.

Anyone want to take a bet on how long 'very soon' is?

In fact, I think I might run a wee sweepstake to help with the NTAI. Post how long you think 'very soon' is and the person who guesses the closest to when I hear back will win a prize. Don't know what that prize may be - probably a book or something. Oh and depending on how long 'very soon' is, you may be waiting a while to hear who wins...;-)

Note: Yes, I'm complaining. Yes, I know I should be patient. But a little vent now and then doesn't hurt. I'm even feeling better now for having done this blog post.

Demotivation

Not much happening here. Again. I'm extraordinarily demotivated today, hence the demotivator above.

Still, I started a new story - bad me - 'cause I was thinking about the New Voices competition but the ed told me not to enter the last one so I'm wondering whether it's the same deal this time round. Then again, apart from the Feel the Heat comp, I haven't had much luck with any other competitions I've entered so I'm wondering if I really need something else to depress myself with. Probably not.

On the other hand there is the brand new iPad. And can I tell you it's the perfect NTAI device. As long as you don't put it down. But that's okay cause after buying the Plants vs Zombies game, I actually haven't put it down. Or even thought about waiting. Until I realised I had to do a blog post of course. Sigh.

Been trying to be good and think of other things. Like the Aussie conference in two weeks which I will be going to for the first time. Yay! Get to meet my great non-Sister CPs and buddies Rach and Janette!! Woohoo. And then there will be the RWNZ conference that week after that which will be heaps of fun too.

And that's about the size of it. Who else is entering the competition then?

The iPad and NTAI

I did a little post about NTAI and the iPad on the Sisters' blog if you want to know about how I'm coping with my wait on the NES. And yes, still waiting. :-)

www.sevensassysisters.com

I Am Not a Number - Or Collection of Character Traits!

Another slow news day in Jackie land. To NTAI, I'm concentrating on thinking about the iPad which is finally being released in NZ on Friday. And yes, I'm going to get one. I'm such a gadget girl, I can't help myself. iPad wins over shoes any day in my book.

Anyway, on the writing front, after a great virtual coversation with the talented Lacey, I got to thinking about characters and character sheets. Now, the ed I'm working with sent me quite a good one that provided me with a great starting point. And not just favourite foods and things but questions like; Why is the hero the best person for the heroine? Why is he the worst? What's good about him? What's bad? What does the heroine like about him? What doesn't she like? etc etc. All good material. But there can be a problem with character sheets in that if you're not careful, you'll end up with a character who is just a bunch of traits, not an actual person.

For example, you might have given your heroine a shy trait but decided she's also going to be an actor. Now this may be what you'd plotted out for your story, but would a shy person really choose acting as a profession? And here's where you have to think deeper - perhaps they would, perhaps she's very shy and by choosing acting, she's trying to prove something to herself. What is she trying to prove? Who is she trying to prove it to? How does her shyness impact on the story? In other words, is it part of her character or have you given her that trait because it makes a scene work better?

In essence, every trait you give them is a building block constructing the kind of person they are. And all the building blocks work together, you can't treat them in isolation. I've done the old 'quick, my heroine needs to be stroppy in this scene' trick where I suddenly give my previously quiet, shy heroine a 'take no crap' trait. And then find that to get her to act like this, I have to add a whole lot of things in order to get the desired response from her. Can you say 'making my characters move to fit the plot'? :-) This is where consistency comes into it because you can't just add a character trait for one scene and then never have it appear again. For the shy heroine, you have to ask yourself is shyness part of who she is? Is it central to the story? Is it part of what she needs to change about herself? Is it really necessary for her to be shy?

I think that while character sheets are a good place to start, there comes a time when you need to look at all the traits, likes/dislikes, family background etc, and figure how they all work together in order to make this person come alive. Have you added things just for the sake of it? How will an impatient heroine act? Does this affect your story? How has her impatience affected her life? Is her impatience a flaw that may cost her the hero? Does she overcome it or learn to deal with it? Or have you just added it so she catches the bus an hour earlier and so meets the hero?

Anyway, the character sheets have been great in that they get me thinking about the character before I start writing and now I'm much better at constructing an actual person with a background instead of the cardboard cutouts I used write. But now I don't use them so much as writing a brief bio that I add to as I get to know the character better. Anyone else find them useful?

BTW: If you're wanting more insight into conflict, Kate Walker is doing a great Q&A on her blog.

Don't Call Me Baby

Well, feeling very jealous about all the conference stuff going on. What with RNA and then RWA, little ole NZ is feeling very far away from everything! Luckily next month there will be the RWAus Conference in Sydney, which I am attending for the first time. Be so cool to see my CPs Rach and Janette in real life instead of just via email. I'll probably get all tongue tied and won't know what to say! Anyway, the week after that we have the RWNZ Conference here in Auckland and that will be way cool too. So I guess I shouldn't feel left out. Anyway, will be blog stalking for gossip from those who attended RNA so I hope some of you guys will be posting updates!

But news on the writing front? Nada. I am instead working on my next sub which is, I have to say, one of my favourite stories. Yes, it's been in a constant state of rewriting ever since I first wrote it for NaNo in 2008, but it finally is starting to look more and more like the story it should have been in the first place. That doesn't mean, of course, that it'll be accepted, but I really hope it will be! I've also started another story and I have to say, I've forsaken my other wips for this one because I LOVE my hero. He's an ex-soldier and woah is he hot. At least I think so. He's alpha (natch), very protective, and - on the surface - laid back. But of course the heroine is going to get under his skin something chronic and then it'll be no more Mr Nice Guy. Hehe.
Now all I have to do is think up a plot!

Anyway - the real point of my post guys - in my blog perambulations recently, I came across a post about pet-names (can't remember where sorry!). It was really interesting seeing what people's favourites were and what were their irritants. Interesting because I've realised that in every one of my stories, my hero has a pet name for the heroine. Now, I'm a fan because they can be very useful, epsecially for the purposes of riling said heroine. They can be first used ironically, if it's that kind of story, or they can be used to expose deeper feeling in quite a subtle way, ie the hero calling her by an endearment can reveal quite a lot about their feelings for each other - especially if this is unspoken in most other ways. Even more interestingly, I've realised that my heroines don't reciprocate. Which I'm going to remedy for my soldier hero - have the perfect name for him. One he won't like at all. Heehee!

So pet names: love 'em? Hate 'em? What don't you like?? For myself, I'm not a fan of baby or babe. I don't know why, it just feels too casual. It's not even about the infantilising aspect of it either, because I read a great story by Trish Wylie where the hero calls the heroine 'little girl' and I found that very sexy!

*the book is One Night with the Rebel Billionaire and it's great!

One Percent

Another slow news day in Jackie land. Or should I say another day of stressing out about the NES (Never Ending Story). I should be consoling myself with another WIP but that well seems to have dried up. I've hit the wall in other words. And as such, the question needs to be asked - how long do I keep going?

I haven't been submitting long (or at least, not long in this business) - over two years. I'm on my 6th submission, including 2 contest entries. I have lots of ideas still and lots of mss that need finishing. But I'm not sure how much emotional energy I have left. And that's the killer really. A nice analogy that I've heard from Dr Jax is what they say about anaesthetists - the job is 99% boredom, 1% sheer terror. That sums up for me quite nicely what happens with unpublished writers too. A large percentage of the time is waiting and then there's that horrible moment when you can see the email in your inbox - that's the 1% of sheer terror right there.

I've tried to explain that 1% to Dr Jax and he hasn't really understood. Until last night. He's a Dutch supporter for the World Cup and was stressing about the semi-final big time. And so I told him that that's how I feel EVERY morning I download my email. He said, "God, how you do stand it?" And you know what? I don't know how I stand it. Cause it's getting pretty boring feeling like that I can tell you.

I don't know what I'll do if this ms is rejected. I have another ready to go but at this stage, I'm not sure I have enough emotional reserves left to bear the sub process all over again. And this isn't just me I'm thinking about here either, this includes the family and friends and CPs who have to deal with me during this process. I'm not easy to say the least. Think the Incredible Hulk - you wouldn't like me when I'm waiting on a submission. :-)

Well, I always knew this was hard and maybe if I hadn't had all that early success, I may have been better equipped for the long haul. There's definitely something to be said for a slow building success. I started out with a blaze of glory, only to fizzle out. Which is when you start to question yourself and everything you do.

So what do you do when you hit the wall? What will be your limit? When will you say enough's enough? I always thought my answer will be never. But never is looking like an awfully long time right now.

The Never Ending Story

It would have been nice to start the weekend off with some news - but I don't have any news. Sigh. I guess me having to update the synopsis has put a spanner in the works. I was really, really hoping that it wouldn't but maybe the day she'd set aside for my partial was the day she didn't have the updated synopsis and so chapters 2 - 3 remain unread. Deeper sigh.

This story is something I really wondering if I'm doing myself any favours with. It all started back in October 2009 when I suggested I send the ed the synopsis for approval first. This was for a story I'd initially written (twice) in 2008. She agreed and so I spent a week trying to get it right. Rewrote the synopsis 6 times. Sent it in. Ed said 'back to the drawing board I'm afraid'. This is now November. She suggested I send her some character bios. So I did. December she said they looked good, could she now see the first three chapters and a synopsis. Happy me. I wrote them and sent them at the very beginning of January. Cue four months waiting. April, the ed suggested substantial rewriting. Big wahs from me. Then she suggested she look at my first chapter first. Slightly happier me. I rewrote the partial but after having had it critiqued, realised I'd done a crap job so I rewrote it again (5th time all up). Sent in my first chapter. Ed liked it! Very, very happy me. Send the other two, she said. So I did. Six weeks later she'll get back to me by the end of this week. Um, story is different now, says I. Would you like an updated synopsis? Yes, indeed, says the ed. Tears, tantrums, loud complaints of giving up, wailings and gnashings of teeth later, I rewrote the synopsis (number 7). Thumbs down after a critique. More wailings, tearings of hair, blood on the keyboard. Rewrite again (number 8) and sent it.

Silence.

So there you have it, the story of the of the Never Ending Story. Have I been an idiot for pushing this story so hard? Should I have told the ed to forget it in April and sent her something new? Will I even get to send the rest after nine months of it sitting at the partial stage? Am I, in fact, any good at writing at all or am I deluding myself that I can do this?

Sigh. I am pushing it I guess because I want to show them I can rewrite if necessary. Or maybe all I've shown them is what a huge mess I've made of it.

I guess the problem has been that I have a strong voice that needs to be reined in sometimes. And the other - I've finally figured out - is that I am trying to fit single title conflict into a category book. What I mean by that is that I overcomplicate by conflicts. They never just have one strand, they're always multi-faceted. Not good for a category length novel. I've also realised that the reason I give them complex conflict is that I feel that falling in love solving their problems makes it too simple. So I give them more problems. And so overcomplicate. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I know, these are love stories. Fantasies. Of course falling in love doesn't solve all their problems. At least, it may not solve all of them, just the main one you've given them at the beginning of the book. Ah well, at least I know now.

Alright, so seeing as I have no news on the Never Ending Story, does anyone have any good goss instead?

Post Birthday Blues

Took a short blog hiatus over the weekend. Had a fantastic birthday where Dr Jax whisked me away to our wonderful capital city - Wellington - for a weekend of a swish hotel, fine champagne, nice food and, best of all, no kids! My birthday present was a lovely bit of bling, something that surprised me because I'm not a blingy type of girl and yet I found myself choosing a rather gorgeous bit of sparkle. Poor Dr Jax hasn't quite recovered from the cost I fear. ;-) Also took lots of scene-setting pics since - happily - Wellington is also the setting for a new WIP. Even found my hero's apartment overlooking the waterfront! All good.

But now I'm feeling blah. Post birthday blues maybe. Now the fun of the birthday is over, I have more angst and waiting to look forward to. Do we ever get over our need for reassurance do you think? In a normal job we'd have performance appraisals, we'd have a boss to ask about whether we're performing our jobs adquately, we'd have promotions, we'd have a wage! But with writing for publication we don't get any of that. We get silence. Sometimes we'll get encouragement in the form of a letter asking for more work but more often than not we get a rejection. It's a little bit soul destroying after a while.

I guess this qualifies as my vent of the month. I was hoping to save it until further on but what the hey! Anyway, am doubting my submission, doubting the rest of the manuscript - which is complete pants let me tell you, doubting pretty much everything. Don't have any emotional reserves left to deal with the long wait. My mojo has packed her bags and gone on a long holiday into the bargain. Boring huh? Perhaps I need some more NTAI shoes...

On the up side, I have lovely CPs who deal patiently with my constant need for reassurance, though sometimes I feel like a baby bird in a nest with its mouth constantly open... ;-) How do the rest of you deal with it? Do you whine like me? Go shopping? Or is it stiff upper lip all the way?

More About the Non-Sassiness of My Heroine

Have had a little writing hiatus over the past week or two. Actually, when I say writing hiatus I actually mean writing sulk. I went on strike in other words. Not that anyone except me was affected and certainly no one noticed. So yeah, my strike was very effective. Not. Still, it did do me good because now I'm feeling more philosophical about the NTAI, I am ready to get back into writing and I always feel much more enthused after a break.

Anyway, I have been thinking more about my non-sassy heroine and still debating about whether her non-sassiness is a good thing. She really has issues with herself and not much confidence, despite the fact that she is rich and successful. But I'm getting cold feet about her. Is she Modern Heat enough? Is she sympathetic? Or is she too unconfident for a reader to identify with? I keep wanting to pull back on her, which I hate doing because then I slip into having my characters act in ways they actually wouldn't - at least not without a personality change. It's a problem. I mean, the eds liked her well enough last year, even though they rejected it, but lots can change in a year. Will they still like her now?

It doens't help that I am also working on her polar opposite, my eco-warrior heroine. She has sass enough for both of them and I have to say, her terrier-like inability to let things go is proving to be a problem for my conflict. I hope it's strong enough to explain her actions. Then again, that could be due to my hero and his ability to get under her skin - they've got a such a strong love/hate dynamic going on that it's not bringing out the best in either of them!

Anyone else ever have doubts about their characters personalities? Did you give them their head? Or did you pull back on them?

Nothing to Say

I keep delaying my posts in the hope that I have something to tell you.

But I have nothing to tell you.

So to keep me going and to keep the crows at bay, here is Jean Claude Van Damme with my own personal mantra.




Maybe it'll be this week.

Jackie Ashenden and the Inbox of Doom

After nearly two weeks of waiting by the Inbox of Doom, nothing. I was kind of hoping not to post until I had news to relate but, sadly, I have no news to relate. No boulders falling from the sky. No snakes. No flaming arrows flying at my head. No jewels waiting on the head of a statue deep in the bowels of the temple...
Okay, enough Indiana Jonesing. I suppose the week isn't over yet so I shouldn't count my chickens but I'm still feeling like it won't be this week. Time in editorland passes differently to time out here in unpublished authorland. And justifiably so. Editors have many published authors to deal with as well as sifting through the slush. I, on the other hand, only have one ms to think about and lots of time to do it in. Four months certainly gives you a perspective on what you've done and I've learned quite a lot in the past four months. I would not have written the partial now like I did back in January. However, the main thing about this sub is that I still think the conflict holds up. Certainly didn't feel that way about my last submission. But my thoughts on the subject don't count. It's whether the ed feels the same that matters.

Anyway, until I hear there's nothing much else to do but write, write, write. It IS the best way to forget about a sub. In the four months of my wait I've already polished up another ms, written the first draft of a second and written the first chapers of mss number 3 and 4. So I should have a nice tidy stack of mss ready to go by the time I hear back.

Guess this means that should there be an R destined for me, I won't be giving up. Feel free to remind me of this the next time an R comes along...;-)

So, in the interests of NTAI, here's a situation for you: One love scene. One heroine. One catsuit. Boots. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get the heroine out of the catsuit without removing her boots. Discuss.

And when you've figured it out, let me know cos it's doing my head in. ;-)

So What Do I Do Now?

Okay, so here I am, still waiting. No drama though. In many ways still waiting is good. Everything is still a possibility, nothing has been rejected. Yet. Groan. My only problem is feeling sick every morning as the Inbox of Doom fills up with emails.
Anyway, in order to help the NTAI along a little, I've been working on a couple of entries for a contest run by the RWNZ. It's a specifically category contest which is why I'm entering. Got my stories sorted bar some minor editing, just have the minor detail of the synopses to go. Did I mention how much I hate writing these? Yes? Well, I'm going to say it again mainly for venting purposes - I HATE synopses. Right. Will shut up about it now.
After these entries have been posted I then will have to think about which wip is the next wip. I'm leaving the Frenchman to simmer for a while before editing so in the meantime I shall have to press on with something else. And I think - seeing as how I've finally got the conflict sorted - it shall be Kate and Alex, my Feel the Heat entry. After so long, it's about time eh? And actually, quite looking forward to it since they're turning out to be one hot couple - I love it when they fight. ;-)

More on that anon, but first I need to annouce that I have been nominated for the 5-5-5 tag by the lovely Suzanne Jones. Thanks Suzanne! This is: 5 questions, 5 answers, 5 blogs to tag.
So here goes:

Question 1: Where were you five years ago?

1. I was a librarian in a university library.
2. Had only one child (not even thinking of number 2!).
3. Was trying and failing to write the great New Zealand novel because I was too busy writing romance stories instead. ;-)
4. Thought that internal conflict was something you got after eating too much chocolate.
5. Never dreamed I'd even get close to getting published.

Question 2: What is (was) on your to do list today?

1. Finish my competition synopses - fail.
2. Put away my supermarket shopping - fail.
3. Clean up my bedroom - fail.
4. Tidy my study - fail.
5. Get totally involved with my new wip to the detriment of everything else - success!

Question 3: What five snacks do you enjoy?

1. Coffee. Yes, it does count as a snack!
2. Dark chocolate.
3. Pretzels.
4. Cheese.
5. Chocolate martinis. What? They also count as a snack. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Question 4: What five places have you lived in?

1. Wellington.
2. Auckland.
3. Chiswick (London).
4. Golders Green (London).
5. Romancelandia (where I still live in my head).

Question 5: What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Seduce my virgin secretary.
2. Keep a string of racehorses/polo ponies.
3. Buy vast mansions in London, Paris and New York.
4. Make secretive large charitable donations.
5. Claw my way up from a poverty stricken background, make shed-loads of money on the stock exchange and finally wreck my terrible revenge on those who wronged me.

Nominating 5 bloggers: Argh, I always hate this part. All the blogs I check out are cool but CPs get first dibs.

Rachel Johns

Janette Radevski

Lorraine Wilson

Maisey Yates

Jane Mulberry

Vent of the Month Plus the Adventures of Hoo the Incredible Blue Octopus

I'm trying to get into writing my Naughty Frenchman but I have to say, I'm having a 'what's the point' week. The waiting is killing me - it always does - and even though I have lots of stories in the works, I'm feeling a bit directionless. I always get a bit like this as things drag on - usually just after submitting I'm fine for a few weeks and then doubts etc start to kick in. Targetting only one line does mean that you can't do anything else but write while you're waiting, and yes, writing IS the thing to do, but I can't help feeling that while it drags on I'm kind of standing still.

At my last RWNZ meeting, people asked me how I was getting on and one person said to me, 'oh, but you're nearly there aren't you?'. Thing is, I've been 'nearly there' for a whole year now. And in fact, there is no such thing as 'nearly there'. You're either there or you're not. As the lovely Karina Bliss told me, it's like being pregnant. You can't be nearly pregnant, you either are or you're not. I'm not.

It does not help that Dr Jax is currently gallivanting around Acapulco at a conference while I am at home with the kids. Not that I mind the kids (most of the time), it's just that I'd rather be the one at Acapulco! Unfortunately my place with Dr Jax has been usurped by a small, blue, stuffed octopus called Hoo. My daughter gave him the toy to keep him company and so far, the wretched thing has seen way more of Acapulco than it has any right to. Witness these pictures.

So, while my husband and a tiny blue octopus are having fun in sunny Acapulco, I shall while away the time trying to write Chapter 1 of the Frenchman for the fifth time (yes, it's taking me that long to get it right! Grrr).

Oh yes, and NTAI.

Anyone else finding the NTAI hard at the moment?

What To Think About When You're Not Thinking About It

Okay, so the NTAI ain't going so well. Ridiculous since it's only been five weeks since I submitted the thing but there you go. So, what does one do when one is trying to Not Think About It?
I usually write. I write like the dickens. There is something about totally losing yourself in a new story and when I do, I forget all about my sub and everything else (including the little things like feeding the kids and making sure they haven't killed each other).

This is not a problem but I have been thinking about whether I should branch out and try something else. Try writing for a different category. That way I can have more subs out there (and true, more to NTAI!). There are downsides to this, mainly if you do get something accepted, the eds will want to establish you in one line rather than have your name associated with a couple and perhaps getting readers confused. Also, the requirements for the different lines are quite different and it's as well to concentrate on mastering one line first.

However, my problem is that I write really fast. If everything is worked out beforehand, I can write a first draft in two weeks. This is a good thing because while waiting, I can churn out a couple of mss to have at the ready in case of rejection. However, if I've done that and it turns out I have six month wait before hearing back, maybe I should be using the time to try writing and querying something else?

I'm still undecided. Modern Heat is where I want to be first and foremost, and my main focus is on that. But it would be nice to be waiting on more than one sub...

Whaddya reckon?

We Shall Fight

We shall fight on the beaches,
We shall fight on the landing grounds,
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
We shall fight in the hills;
We shall never surrender.

Thanks Winston. So why am I fighting? Well, my last post was grade A whine material. Now, I was going to apologise for that but I figure part of waiting - for me at least - involves a minor vent and/or whine every now and then, and that was my whine for January. I'll be allowed one for Febuary but I'll give myself a bit of time to build up to it. ;-)

Anyway, the fighting speech is mainly due to a lovely comment Natalie Anderson left on my blog in response to said whine. In fact all of you who read my monotonous musings left great comments, for which I think you very much, but it was Natalie's that really got to me. 'You're a fighter' she said. Thanks for the reminder, Natalie! Because you're right. I am a fighter. I don't like letting things alone or letting things go. I hate stuff getting the better of me. Especially stuff I'm good at! And if there's one thing I have learned over the Year of the R (2009) is that I can write.

So, forwith the Battle Plan:

1. Strategically attack and conquer Laurie Schnebly Campbell's Plotting for Motivation course this month.
2. Decimate current WIP by finishing the rewrite and then beat into submission the partial.
3. Cunningly deploy my forces to surround the current crop of new story ideas, winnow the wheat from the chaff, sort out the men from the boys, and decide which WIP shall be the new WIP.
4. Sack and burn the city of TAI, sowing the conquered ground with salt so that NOTHING shall grow. Build new city called NTAI of which I shall be the supreme ruler.
5. Eat more Kohu Road dark chocolate icecream.
6. Storm Kohu Road icecream company, secure ALL their stocks of dark chocolate icecream and enforce martial law whereby they will have to make dark chocolate icecream for me alone.
7. Send out spies for a reconnaissance mission to the London offices of Mills and Boon.
8. Lay out honey traps using Kohu Road dark chocolate icecream.
9. Wait for the editors to fall for said honey traps and the watch the contracts to roll in.
10. Become supreme ruler of the world.

Okay, so there's a bit of a jump between numbers 9 and 10 but it's doable, right?

:-)