This time the quicksand isn't in the journey ahead, it's in the book I'm writing. And no, I'm not exaggerating. I'm SURE my book is composed entirely of quicksand because every time I open the damn document I get sucked in. And not in a good way. More like a 'help, help I'm drowning!' way. I don't know why this is. It may have something to do with the fact that this is the first contracted book I have to write and maybe the pressure is getting to me. Or maybe it's the fact that I never thought the first book of this series would actually BE a series so having to write two extra stories, with conflicts I thought up quite quickly so I could get the outlines to my editor (oooh secret thrill!), is making me feel a little disconnected from it. Or maybe it's just that I know people are going to read this book. It won't be my little secret this time. Other people will read it, not just an editor. And they'll be able to form their own opinion about whether they liked it or not. Whether I'm a good writer or not. And to be honest, that's freaking me out just a bit.
I think when you're aiming for publication, you get so set on just getting something accepted and you forget that once it is accepted, people will be reading your book. Oh you can kid yourself that only friends and family will read it but the fact is someone, somewhere will buy your book and read it. A complete stranger. Eeeek!
But then that's the whole idea right? You don't chase publication because you think you're a crap writer and no one should ever read what you wrote. You chase publication because you think people should read the stories you tell. Because you want to share them. I think it was Yvonne Lindsey who asked me one RWNZ meeting, when I shared how scary it was to send something off after you've been rejected lots, whether I thought other people deserved to read my stories. And I remember how struck I was by the word deserved. And how my gut reaction was 'Yes. Yes they do.'
I think I need to hold onto that thought as I continue to push through the quicksand book.
So what about you? Are you chasing publication? If so, why? Do you think other people deserve to read your stories?? Come on now, don't be shy. A writer has to have some ego otherwise we wouldn't be sending our stuff out right? ;-)
