Ten Ways to Make Your Heroine Suffer - plus some Pimpin'

Right, I thought I'd do a companion piece to my hero torture list since fair's fair, turnabout etc. Time for the heroine to get her turn. Now, I do find writing teh ladeez a tad difficult - women are so complicated! - so if anyone wants to add to the list or disagree, feel free! And remember this is just a few things you can do to make your characters suffer. The ways are as endless and varied as the conflict... hehe...

1. Give her a hero who is the antithesis of everything she believes in. (He's arrogant and uncaring. I hate him).
2. Make him absolutely physically irresistable to her. (But man, he's soooo hot! Hateful male)
3. Give him one (or more) qualities that she can't help but admire (He's so arrogant! But...he really loves puppies and I can't but like a man who loves puppies).
4.Make him get in the way of her goal. (I want to be head of the corporation? Why is he so determined to stop me? Hateful male!)
5. Have him do something for her that changes the way she thinks about him. (Oh he's such an arrogant SOB. I hate him! But then, he donated all that money to the puppy shelter to keep it running...)
6. Make her fall in love with him. (I hate him so much! But the puppies...wait!...No!....I can't!....Noooooooo!!!)
7. Have him refuse to talk about his feelings (Why doesn't he want to talk about this? I can't understand it. Doesn't he know how important it is?? Hateful male).
8. Have him do something that makes her think he hasn't changed after all (he's completely destroyed my chances of promotion! Why would he do that?? Why do I STILL love him! Hateful male etc..)
9. Get her to make her declaration of love to him only to have it come flying back at her - because of course, it's all got to be on her terms. (He didn't want my ultimatum that I'll marry him only if he stops standing in my way of promotion? What? Why not? Hateful, arrogant male. Why do I still love him? Why???)
10. Make her realise that he isn't the only one who needs to change if she wants to be with him. (Wait! Is being with him more important than being the head of the corporation....? Why do I need to be head of the corporation anyway? I just want to be with him and the puppies! Uh oh...)

If you want to go get some awesome examples of both hero and heroine torture, then go no further than the fabulous Natalie Anderson. I'm doing a bit of pimping for her since she's a fellow Kiwi and her latest release kept me up till 12.30am last night! The End to Faking It was a really emotional, intense, sexy read and I just loved it. Anyway, if you want to go get it, you can from the M&B site or go to Nat's page on FB where she is doing an excellent giveaway. Cue the 'free stuff' woot! Details here.

And of course, if you're of a Modern bent, then Ms Maisey Yates is also a great torturer past compare. Marriage Made on Paper is now out and for really great hero torture, you can't go past The Inherited Bride.

So, anyone have any more handy tips for heroine torture?

The Heroine Wore A Housecoat

Okay, so last post I complained about the clothing dilemma in terms of the hero. And I also wondered just what on earth a housecoat was. Thanks to Lorraine and Joanne(who has posted a lovely You Tube clip of Hilda Ogden on her blog), I now know! Yes, it is - as I feared - something my nana would have worn if she were still alive (RIP). Otherwise known as a 'pinny'. Attractive no? Can you imagine dressing your heroine in one of these? I guess they were probably thought of as hip and up to the minute in...I was going to say the seventies here but surely by the seventies they would have had fifties housewife written all over them?

Anyway, thank God the housecoat is no longer to be seen because I'm not sure I could take a heroine who wore one entirely seriously. Which brings me to another item of clothing dearly beloved of romance heroines (the ones I've read anyway): the shirtwaister. Now, I have puzzled long and hard about exactly what a shirtwaister is. I have always thought it was a little bit between a housecoat and a dress, and you know what? It is! All you have to do is add a belt!

Seriously, the shirtwaister isn't too bad all things considered. At least, it's little sexier than what I thought. Still, I can hardly talk - my heroine is wearing leather trousers at the moment. Not sure why since she's not really a rock chick and I'm not hugely fond of leather trousers myself. It just sort of...happened. She had all her clothes nicked and the hero's seventeen year old sister took her shopping and...and... Look, she's just wearing them because she likes them okay? ;-) But hey, at least she's given up her strappy sandals, a cliche according to Jenny Hutton's tips on the Mills and Boon boards...

So, what's your favourite heroine outfit then? Housecoats? Shirtwaisters? Leather trousers? :-)

The Hero Wore Pink Trousers

I've been working on my WIP today and ran into the clothing dilemma. What, you say? Clothing dilemma? Yes, indeed. The clothing dilemma frequently happens to me when I'm describing what my characters are wearing and an incredibly cool, styley outfit ends up sounding like something an old man/woman would wear. For example, I saw a picture of a fab Ralph Lauren outfit for my hero and it came out sounding thusly: "He wore a pale grey, pinstripe suit, with a bright pink pinstripe shirt, and a pink and yellow paisley tie." The outfit looked great and the guy wearing it looked really hot. Honest. No? Okay, what about this one: "His black shorts showed off his powerful thighs, the purple jersey he was wearing a nice contrast to the bright green lapels of the shirt he was wearing underneath it." Still no? All right, what about this: "The pink trousers he wore hugged his rear nicely, a pale green jersey stretched across his broad chest." No? Hey, this is Ralph Lauren. Okay, then I guess I definitely wouldn't be able to get away with the fabulous World Man outfit I saw in the shop yesterday. World (NZ designers) do great men's clothes but if I dressed my poor hero in baggy black pants, spotted shirt and a waistcoat with horses on it, it's going to sound naff.

I guess it all comes back to being scarred by reading an old 80s Mills and Boon where the hero wore a cream jacket with brown box pockets and epaulettes, and the heroine a housecoat. Ever since then my heroes have to stick with jeans and a t-shirt. Or a suit. Cut offs at a push. No patterns. Easy to describe, easy to envisage. And don't even get me started on what the heroine wears.

Anyone else have this problem or is it just me? And just what is a housecoat anyway??