The Magic Moment

It's a magic moment really. The moment when the manuscript you wrote with such excitement, the characters you thought were so fabulous, the conflict you just knew was SO different, the story you lovingly crafted into a work of art, suddenly turns to crap in the space of a second.

Something silly might have triggered it off. A sudden doubt about the reaction of your heroine. Or maybe the feeling that your hero's Big Secret is too big secrety.  Or even the fact that you've never really got that ending parargraph just the way you like it. But whatever it is, something somewhere has abruptly rendered your story into a heap of steaming ordure.

If you think I'm going to tell you wonderful things about how to overcome that moment then you're sadly mistaken. I just wanted to complain about it. Mainly because my lovely chess ms, that I loved when I wrote my black moment, suddenly became The Worst Story in the History of the World. I don't know why. I suddenly thought that my hero was too dark. Too much of a b*stard. Too unsympathetic. There wasn't enough glamour in it to make it Presents. My heroine's conflict was waaaaay too light and unexplored, and she was also too shouty. The plot just dumb.

The crazy thing is that this all this could be true. I just don't know. All I know is that there came a moment where I fell out of love with it and wanted to rewrite the whole damn thing.

But I guess that's the moment where you either stop working on it and send it off. Or you put it away.  Either action determines the worth of the story. Sending it away magically makes the story even worse than you thought it was. Putting it in the drawer somehow makes it fabulous again. Because when you take that story out and read it again after a week or four, it's amazing how amazing it turns out to be. And you wonder how you ever doubted it.

Then you send it off and it magically becomes crap again.

Writers are magicians.

So do you work your magic on your mss too? Or is it just me?

We Shall Fight

We shall fight on the beaches,
We shall fight on the landing grounds,
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
We shall fight in the hills;
We shall never surrender.

Thanks Winston. So why am I fighting? Well, my last post was grade A whine material. Now, I was going to apologise for that but I figure part of waiting - for me at least - involves a minor vent and/or whine every now and then, and that was my whine for January. I'll be allowed one for Febuary but I'll give myself a bit of time to build up to it. ;-)

Anyway, the fighting speech is mainly due to a lovely comment Natalie Anderson left on my blog in response to said whine. In fact all of you who read my monotonous musings left great comments, for which I think you very much, but it was Natalie's that really got to me. 'You're a fighter' she said. Thanks for the reminder, Natalie! Because you're right. I am a fighter. I don't like letting things alone or letting things go. I hate stuff getting the better of me. Especially stuff I'm good at! And if there's one thing I have learned over the Year of the R (2009) is that I can write.

So, forwith the Battle Plan:

1. Strategically attack and conquer Laurie Schnebly Campbell's Plotting for Motivation course this month.
2. Decimate current WIP by finishing the rewrite and then beat into submission the partial.
3. Cunningly deploy my forces to surround the current crop of new story ideas, winnow the wheat from the chaff, sort out the men from the boys, and decide which WIP shall be the new WIP.
4. Sack and burn the city of TAI, sowing the conquered ground with salt so that NOTHING shall grow. Build new city called NTAI of which I shall be the supreme ruler.
5. Eat more Kohu Road dark chocolate icecream.
6. Storm Kohu Road icecream company, secure ALL their stocks of dark chocolate icecream and enforce martial law whereby they will have to make dark chocolate icecream for me alone.
7. Send out spies for a reconnaissance mission to the London offices of Mills and Boon.
8. Lay out honey traps using Kohu Road dark chocolate icecream.
9. Wait for the editors to fall for said honey traps and the watch the contracts to roll in.
10. Become supreme ruler of the world.

Okay, so there's a bit of a jump between numbers 9 and 10 but it's doable, right?

:-)

Light and Flirty Modern Heat: Yeah, Right.

I'm worried about my sub. So what else is new right? Well after reading the transcript of the editor chat on eHarlequin, I've got several worries:

Firstly, I'm worrying that my sub is too angsty for Modern Heat. The problem is that I love deep, emotional internal conflict. And I love a strong, tortured hero. However, I also like humour which makes an uncomfortable mix between Presents/Modern style internal conflict with the Modern Heat flirty/sexy hero. With MH, you can't have your hero standing around brooding endlessly. There has to be some humour/flirtiness there, which makes it hard if you have a deep internal conflict for him. I think my hero isn't too broody (which makes him sound like a chicken!) but towards the end, he's pretty conflicted. Will this be a sub-killer?

Secondly I'm worrying about the whole 'fresh twist on an old theme' thing. The fact is, my setup isn't particularly fresh or original. They meet in a nightclub - how original is that? I like to think I spiced things up with the presentation of it a little but maybe I didn't. The whole fake engagement thing I had going on there was supposed to make it a little bit different to the marriage of convenience thing but I've now taken it out, I haven't even got that. Is my sub too boring?

Thirdly, I'm not sure I pushed the boundaries enough. I wanted to get this one right and in doing so, I'm worried I may have played it too safe. The transcript seemed to imply new and innovative is the way to go, but really, how far can you go as an aspiring author? What, exactly, can you get away with? Perhaps, as Kate Walker says, it's all in the execution. In the sub that was rejected, my hero and heroine didn't physically meet until page 6 or so but they did have a sexy online conversation. This was not mentioned as a problem in the feedback I received so maybe you can get away with a certain amount of rule breaking.

Lots of worries, huh? Anyone else worried about their sub? Perhaps I need to put up the scarecrow again...

Submission Doubt

I've put up my scarecrow again because I've got submission doubt and need something to scare away the crows.
These are particularly ornery ones I have to say. It wasn't so bad the first time around because I was just so pleased to have had a full request. And true, the first lot of revisions were pretty intense but then, woohoo, I'd made it to the full-with-revisions stage and that was a great achievement.

But now I'm starting over and I'm wondering if I can do it again. Published authors must get this when it's time to submit that second book and you have to prove that the first one was more than a fluke. Obviously I'm not at that stage yet but the full-with-revisions is a pretty high benchmark to have to repeat. What if I can't? What if they don't like the story? I think it's better than my rejected manuscript - I've learned so much since then - but what if I've missed something vital?

Well, as Michelle S told me, the only thing I can control is the writing. I have to trust that it's a good story and hope that they'll want to see the rest of it. So I shall, which is why I'm continuing with writing the rest of it. And if it isn't then ONE of my stories will get there. I'm damn well going to make certain of it.

I'd just like to say a big thanks at this point to all the lovely people who visit my sorry blog, and to all the other lovely people on the eHarlequin and Mills and Boon forums who have wished me luck. You guys are the best. Determination gets you a long way in this business but it certainly helps having other people being determined with you. So, thanks.

Anyway, I have had confirmation that my partial was received so it's on with the waiting. And the NTAI. :-)

PS. Did you know that the guidelines for Mills and Boon have been updated? Here they are here.