No Holding Back!

Okay, it's official. Jackie is no longer holding back.

I know, I know, I was supposed to do this months ago. But I only really managed it in one chapter and that was my contest chapter. The rest of my mss, I've been dicking around with but not getting anywhere, questioning every action my characters took, every reaction. I told myself I wasn't going to worry about the little editorial voices in my head but you know what? No prizes for guessing.... Yeah, I've been listening to them.

The CPs have had to give me a slap round the head (Robyn and Maisey do an excellent good cop/bad cop routine) and since then, I've made a momentous decision. Ish.

I can write sassy and flirty, and I do it well. But sassy and flirty do not a story make. You need conflict and character and that's where I am having problems. Because I'm holding myself back. I'm trying to keep the light and flirty, but also have the intensity and angst that I love as well and it's not working for me. I keep injecting inappropriate tension and angst everywhere because that's what I REALLY want to write.

So, I'm giving up the light and flirty. I'm going all out on the angst. The intensity. The strong alphas. But I'm keeping my heroines stroppy. I'm doing Presents/Modern conflict and hero with a Riva heroine. I have no idea whether it'll work or not but already the Chessman - which Maisey had already told me was Presents - is benefitting. My hero (who was more Presents than Riva anyway, as I think Janet commented once) is no longer going to do stuff just to make him more sympathetic. If it's not in his character, then he ain't doing it. Like flirting. He doesn't flirt. He doesn't seduce. He has no light and flirty button. Neither does my heroine. She's hot-headed and stroppy and straight up. So Jackie must stop trying to make her light and flirty too.

And the next time I find myself questioning every action, every reaction, I need to ask myself this question - am I holding back? And if so, why?

Anyone else guilty of holding back??

Wherefore Art Thou Tension?

I have just realised why I've been unhappy with the last third of my wip and why the black moment feels like it comes out of the blue - there is no tension. My characters are having a lovely time now they've fallen into bed but where is the 'OMG it's all going to end in tears I just know it!' feeling? Where is the dark cloud that is rapidly lowering on the horizon? Gone, that's what.
Michelle Styles' comment on my last post about kitchens was incredibly prescient as it turns out because yes, I have lost the tension. With every scene the tension should wind tighter not release like a tightrope snapping under a heavy weight!

The good thing is that I know why my tension has snapped. It's because I've lost focus of the essential conflict - again! I got sidetracked by the reasons they were falling for each other and though that's important, it's not as important as the all reasons they shouldn't! And not just the 'I must not fall in love' but the 'why I must not fall in love'.
Not to mention the fact that I haven't dug as deeply into my conflict as I need to. My hero has been bringing up his much younger sister for the last ten years and though she's now at university, he is still finding it difficult to let her go. Why? What's he afraid of? And what does this mean for my heroine? And speaking of her, she is still trying to escape her over-protective parents. Why? What's she really afraid of and what does this mean for the hero?

So, have hauled the sorry mess back into line again by putting their essential conflict back into their scenes together. Building up that tension so that when the black moment arrives, it'll be so dark that they will be absolutely unable to see their way out of it.

I just hope to God I can! :-)