Forty

Okay, so it looks like a particular dream I had will not be realised. I wanted to be published by the time I turned forty, and as that day is on Saturday, short of a miracle, looks like I'll have to accept that I won't be. However, I'm hoping that as I will be forty for a whole year (age tends to happen like that eh?) I might have a shot at being published when I'm forty. Always good to have goals when one is staring a significant birthday in the face.

I guess the thing I should keep in mind that although I haven't reached my goal yet, I am doing something I never thought I'd actually do. I am writing full time for a start. And I am lucky enough to be working with a fabulous editor who likes what I write. Never thought I'd be doing that when I was younger! And actually, now I think about it, I'm not sure I would have had the tenacity to do what I'm doing now when I was younger either. I might have given up after that first rejection. Certainly I didn't have the time or the discipline like I do now.

Anyway, am inching towards my goal, albeit slowly, and so my new goal is to be published by the time I'm fifty. Ten years should be plenty of time. :-)

In the meantime, for all those of you who have reached this significant milestone already, quick, give me the good stuff about how great it is being forty. And if there's nothing great about it, lie!

BTW, am also blogging at Seven Sassy Sisters on Thursday. It's a random post and I'm not sure what I'm doing yet so if you're interested check it out.

Too Many Eggs and Not Enough Baskets

I'm wondering about eggs. And baskets. And wondering if I've got too many in one place with the whole Modern Heat thing. Because that's the only line I'm targetting at the moment. Mainly because I really, really wanted to get a handle on it and doing anything else felt like changing my focus. Yeah, I'm a little bit obsessive like that.

The problem though is, yep, you guessed it, wait times. I have been inching forward, it's true. And I do feel like I'm making some progress. But it's by slow increments. And I'm such an imptatient little person that it's doing my head in. The ed has chapters 2 and 3 and my synopsis but I haven't received any answer on this yet. It hasn't been long so I shouldn't complain. But I've finished rewriting my story now and once again I am waiting.

And this time I'm wondering if I should do something different, branch out. Even - shock, horror! - try a different publisher. Thing is, I like writing Modern Heat. Even if I wasn't writing to the guidelines, my stories would still be very Modern/Modern Heat. Perhaps they'd be longer and the language would be stronger (let's face it, alphas probably wouldn't say 'god' or 'hell' or 'insert appropriate mild curse here' ALL the time) but they'd still be essentially character driven because that's what I like to write.

Still, maybe it's worth thinking about. Be nice to have more than one submission out there, I have to say. Challenge myself too. Although I do feel I'm being challenged enough in getting MH right!

Anyone else out there targetting different publishers? What do you reckon? Worth a crack?

Control, Alt, Delete...

I deleted 4k yesterday. Yep, after a whole day sweating over all those words, I decided that there was a reason I was sweating over them and that reason was because they were crap. Honestly, you'd think I would know this stuff by now but no, after two years of short category discipline, I still have periods where I'm forcing my characters to do stuff they wouldn't.

And you know what? I had an inkling I was doing something that wasn't quite right and yet I pushed on. Complained to Dr Jax later that night, that I felt I was forcing them to have a conversation they didn't want to have. And he said, "Why are you doing that? What do they want to do?" My rebuttal to this was that I knew perfectly well what my characters wanted to do but they couldn't because...because...well, they'd just have another love scene and shouldn't they be getting further along with stuff by now? Dr Jax's reply was 'So? Eventually they'll have to stop doing what they're doing and that's when the conflict happens.'.

Argh! Maybe I should get my husband to write these things instead... Anyway, the wretched man was right. I was trying to get my h&h to have a conversation that they shouldn't have been having - they've only known each other two days, waaaaay too early to be sharing stuff about their dead/hideous parents! My intention was to further their conflict without a love scene because I've been trying to avoid the whole 'sex without emotion' trap. But of course, love scenes CAN forward the conflict and up the tension so why didn't I just do that in the first place??

I have no idea. But after deleting the 4k and starting again with the love scene, it was MUCH better. Would you believe my 'deleted scenes' folder is now nearly as long as my actual ms??

So, what's your biggest deletion? Bet you can't top mine - this ms is on its third complete rewrite. ;-)

Jackie is Climbing the Mountain

Chapters 2 and 3 are now in the hands of the editor. So is my sorry excuse for a synopsis. I'm not very good at them I've decided. I hope it was better than my last one - I think it is. I concentrated entirely on the emotional growth of the romance with barely any external stuff going on, so that's the important thing. It's going to be quite an emotionally complicated story though I think. The heroine is thinking her problem with the hero will be one thing, but really that's just a cover for something that's going on underneath. There will be a deeper issue for her that she refuses to see until it all goes horribly wrong. Hmmm, usually it's my heroes who get the complicated stuff. Not this time apparently.

Anyway, the one good thing I do know is that the editor liked the conflict. She thought it was realistic, consistent and believable. Big yays for me. Apart from the fact that the emotional barriers are quite large ones. Not so big yays.

Which brings me to the part about the mountain. I'm feeling now I'm at the bottom of it and it's a very long way to the top. If the ed wants more, I have to write the rest of the story and that's feeling like a mammoth task. Maybe the pressure's getting to me, I don't know. Maybe I just need to start writing and get myself enthused. Maybe I need to refill the well a little.

Whatever it is, I'm going to leave you with a personal favourite video of mine (courtesy of Miss Maisey Yates). Please note that I actually do not want to make love to the mountain (unless it looks a lot like my hero in which case I could be persuaded).


BTW, if you want to know more about the Modern Heat winner of the last Mills and Boon contest, visit www.sevensassysisters.com. Miss Jilly Aston is in the house.

Getting Rid of the Box

So, have now rewritten chapters 2 and 3 - they're totally different to all versions of this ms. It's actually now a completely different story to the one I initially submitted. The only things that have remained the same are the names, the hero being a venture capitalist, the heroine's love of photography and the fact that it's set in London. Their backgrounds too I guess but because the conflict is much better now, the characters' reactions are totally different to what they were like in the initial sub.

The other problem I've run into is that I've also been constrained by earlier versions of this ms. This is when revisions can be such a b*tch. You change it, but not enough and the old reactions are in there, the old plot. Which now doesn't work. Sigh. I didn't want to have my big love scene too early - which was in the old plot - and so fell into the trap of making my characters do what I wanted, not why they wanted. There was no reason to keep them apart except for me not wanting them to get together...cue plot device. Luckily I have now given them their head and they are following their natural inclinations which is a happy holiday fling. Needless to say, it will not end up being a happy, holiday fling. They have conflicts which mean that flings are fine, love is not. Guess what's going to happen?

Anyway, have now got rid of the old plot that was boxing my characters in. Now, hopefully, the plot will happen much more naturally. At least, that's the plan! Going to submit my next couple of chapters to the ed this week so we'll see how it goes. But first, my old nemesis the synopsis...
Anyone want to write it for me??

Announcing - Jackie!

Yeah, it's me. If you want to know more about how I actually came to write romance (and see a photo that I spent HOURS fiddling with), then check out the Sisters' blog.

www.sevensassysisters.com

If not, then there's nothing to see here. Move along. ;-)

The Seven Sassy Sisters Strike Back

Who are the Seven Sassy Sisters? What on earth do they do? What's all this about a double life? Why is a small, knitted, blue octopus so important? Is it even possible to write both Blaze and Sweet at the same time? Who likes Stephen King and romance too? What is it about displaced Australians and Superromance? Who likes hiding out in their garden shed? And whose husband is worthy of a Presents cover?

For all the answers to these questions and more, check out www.sevensassysisters.com.

Blog launches 14th of May. Be there or be square.

P.S. the ed offered to read chapter 1 of my rewrite. So I sent it off to her and guess what? She LIKED it!! Finally, after nearly a year of getting everything wrong, I am getting something right. :-)

Revision Nightmare

I've been slack as with this blog the past couple of weeks. Mainly because I've been wrestling with these revisions. Hard. Hard. Hard. You know I say that romance writing 'aint for sissies?

IT'S TRUE!

Tears have been shed. Yes, I admit it. Tantrums have been thrown. I have said many times 'I'm giving up. I can't do this. I can't get it right. I'll never get it right.' Much swearing occured in our house as I tried to find my way into these wretched characters. I wrote a whole partial! Which will never see the light of day because it was rubbish. And why? Because it comes down to the most basic problem which was the fact that I had not nailed down my conflict. I thought I had but I didn't go deep enough and therefore I did not know how my charcters would react and so they acted inconsistently.

But. I think I've got the conflict sorted now. This is a huge caveat of course because I've thought I've had it many times before and haven't. I still don't know if the first chapter is right or not - I've thought that about all of my writing before subbing and been wrong. It feels right but then so has everything else. Ultimately, I have no idea what the editor will say.

Anyway, I've rewritten the first chapter twice, both entirely different. This is easier for me because it breaks away from the scene and characters that didn't work and makes sure I don't fall into old patterns. I'm hoping that finally I've got it. At least they're acting in a way that is true to their conflict. In the end, though, all I can do is sub it and see.

Anyone else tearing their hair out over their stupid characters?

Finding the Happy Medium

I've always been an instinctive writer. I've been writing for 25 years (not submitting I hasten to add just in case anyone has visions of Jackie stuck in a garret, toiling away), writing lots of different stuff, poems, science fiction, fantasy, literary, and romance, and all of it just kind of flowed. I had no idea about conflict, about black moments, about character arcs. I didn't bother with that kind of thing, not beause I felt I knew all about it but because I just thought I would do instinctively. And writing like that served me very well. Up to a point. It got me a letter after the Instant Seduction contest. It got me runner up in Feel the Heat. If I was a bit more instinctive it might have even sold my 'nearly there' ms. But the thing is, if you want to stay published, you need more than instinct.

Why? Because when you get a revision letter that tells you to add more internal conflict, you need to a) know what internal conflict is, and b) how to add it. And unfortunately, that's where instinct failed me and where I had to put on my big girl pants and actually knuckle down to learn craft. I really didn't want to. Knowing about character arcs and goals and motivation ruined the spark for me. But, after my partial failed at the first hurdle last year, I knew that instinct wasn't going to be enough. You can have visions of the wonderful house you'd like to build but if you don't get the framing right, it won't stand up.

So then I started unlearning 25 years of writing insinctively, re-learning all the craft stuff and actually paying attention to it. Make sure my characters had conflict, make sure they learned from each other, make sure they changed. And guess what? In the process I DID lose the spark. I was concentrating so hard on making sure everything was in place that I lost sight of my instinct. Even doing these revisions, my characters became cardboard cut-outs that I was moving around. I knew them, but they kept shifting on me (and no, they're not werewolves. Maybe it would have been easier if they were!), they kept changing.

Maisey then offered some advice (because she's good like that) - just let it all go. Write from your gut. And so, after six months of learning my craft, I put all the craft stuff aside and wrote the way I used to. By instinct. And sure enough, my characters came alive. I slipped into them and they began to speak not with the words I gave them, but as the people that they truly were.
Hello happy medium!

The idea is that I know my craft better now (and no doubt I will keep learning it) so I can see where something's going wrong. So I can plot properly. So I get the pace right and the conflict straight. And then I have to write like I don't. Easy.

Anyone else an instinctive writer and find all this craft nonsense a pain in the rear?

Revisions or What the Ed Said

So, been examining the ed's email in great depth and having a think about my story. There were a number of points that she pointed out were wrong and here are the main ones:

1. My conflict was too obvious, too early. I really needed to give hints of it, not reveal it so starkly.
2. My characters were...drum roll please...too self aware! Which is always a besetting sin of mine. I did a post about characters being too self aware actually and was quite relieved to note that I'd done it in February - at least a month after sending this partial, so I have progressed!
3. My characters thought too much about the past. They fell into old patterns and the romance didn't feel like something new and exciting.
4. The setup didn't work.

However, they did say there were some lovely moments and that my character consistency was better.

So there you have it. More bad than good really but at least they gave me some suggestions about how to fix it. I admit to feeling quite daunted about this - at least every time I read that email I do! But in the past couple of days I've been discussing suggestions for fixes with various people and now I think I have a plan of attack. Going to post more about it as I go because I got some other feedback about lack of goals that has been hugely helpful too.

Anyway, bottom line is I'm going to nail this, by jingo!!

And the Winner With Massive Revisions is....Jackie!

Yup, consensus is revisions! Lucky me! Well, I have to say, it was nothing I didn't expect. When I wrote the partial I thought it was the best I'd ever done - certainly better than the last one - but of course, over the space of five months, you learn. And once you've learned, you realise that in fact you could have done better. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Anyway, so my choices are revising or subbing something new but since they've given me the option of revising, that's what I'm going to do. It's an important skill to learn and I want to show them that I can do it. However, I do have a tendency to go to extremes - I'll either completely rewrite so it's a new story, or I won't change it enough. Argh!! Somehow I have to find a happy medium.

So if anyone out there spots a happy medium, can they send it on to me??

More About the Non-Sassiness of My Heroine

Have had a little writing hiatus over the past week or two. Actually, when I say writing hiatus I actually mean writing sulk. I went on strike in other words. Not that anyone except me was affected and certainly no one noticed. So yeah, my strike was very effective. Not. Still, it did do me good because now I'm feeling more philosophical about the NTAI, I am ready to get back into writing and I always feel much more enthused after a break.

Anyway, I have been thinking more about my non-sassy heroine and still debating about whether her non-sassiness is a good thing. She really has issues with herself and not much confidence, despite the fact that she is rich and successful. But I'm getting cold feet about her. Is she Modern Heat enough? Is she sympathetic? Or is she too unconfident for a reader to identify with? I keep wanting to pull back on her, which I hate doing because then I slip into having my characters act in ways they actually wouldn't - at least not without a personality change. It's a problem. I mean, the eds liked her well enough last year, even though they rejected it, but lots can change in a year. Will they still like her now?

It doens't help that I am also working on her polar opposite, my eco-warrior heroine. She has sass enough for both of them and I have to say, her terrier-like inability to let things go is proving to be a problem for my conflict. I hope it's strong enough to explain her actions. Then again, that could be due to my hero and his ability to get under her skin - they've got a such a strong love/hate dynamic going on that it's not bringing out the best in either of them!

Anyone else ever have doubts about their characters personalities? Did you give them their head? Or did you pull back on them?

Climbing Everest

I've been thinking about how tough this business is the past couple weeks - while I've been waiting unsurprisingly - and wondering at what point people give up. Is it worth the constant feeling of impatience? The feeling of sickness when you download your email in the morning? The disappointment when there is no answer yet again? And then building up to it all over again the next day?
This morning I was doubting it was worth it. Because surely all this stress and doubt isn't good for you. It's certainly been a killer for my inspiration and creativity.

And then also this morning, as I was trying to figure out whether to keep going or not, I happened to have a good talk to a very wise friend of mine. This friend does a lot of hiking and climbing and he told me about a NZ climber he knew who nearly got to the top of Everest but experienced a disaster when a storm hit him and his climbing partner. His partner died and he lost all half his foot and lots of fingers to frostbite. Apparently this climber, after coming back down from Everest, descended into bad depression, alcoholism and nearly took his own life. But he was a strong guy and pulled himself back from the edge, got fit again, and went back to climbing mountains because that's what he loved to do. This is, I know, in no way, shape or form akin to writing. I'm not going to die if I don't get published and I certainly won't lose a limb waiting in the slush (except my mind maybe!). But it struck a chord with me because this journey certainly feels, in many ways, like climbing Everest. What makes it worse is that I nearly got to the top once, only to be turned back before summitting. And the hell of it is, when you get turned back, you know that the only way to get back up there is by climbing the whole bl**dy thing again. There are no quick routes. There is no helicopter to get you part way up. You've got to start climbing - again! - from the very bottom.

The thing about this NZ climber that really struck me though - and this is true for most climbers - was his mental toughness. He lost so much and yet pulled himself out of the darkness and got back out there because climbing is what he loved to do. How much discipline and determination would that take?
My point with this is that if this is what I want, I'm going to have to cultivate a bit of mental toughness myself. And I have to remind myself that the thing about climbing Everest is that with every ascent, you learn more about the route you're climbing, the weather, the dangers, and perhaps a few good handholds here and there. You're more prepared for the journey. And you're more determined - you're not going to let that mountain beat you. It's that preparation and that determination that will - hopefully - get you to the top.

Getting published has been a dream since I was little, and it's been two years since I've been actively pursuing this dream. And it's hard work. Really hard work. Everest is the world's highest mountain and it's a b*tch to climb. I've had to start from the bottom five times - and it's worse now than it was because now I know how hard it is and how long it takes. But I am tough. I will keep climbing. And I really hope that the view from the summit is worth it.

Alrighty, that was a very long-winded analogy wasn't it? Don't mind me, this is an extended pep-talk to myself but if it helps any of you then that's all good. If anyone else is climbing Everest and needs a hand, I'm here. I've got ropes, oxygen for when we get really high, and lots of freeze-dried food.

Oh, and lots of chocolate. :-)

Nothing to Say

I keep delaying my posts in the hope that I have something to tell you.

But I have nothing to tell you.

So to keep me going and to keep the crows at bay, here is Jean Claude Van Damme with my own personal mantra.




Maybe it'll be this week.

Jackie Ashenden and the Inbox of Doom

After nearly two weeks of waiting by the Inbox of Doom, nothing. I was kind of hoping not to post until I had news to relate but, sadly, I have no news to relate. No boulders falling from the sky. No snakes. No flaming arrows flying at my head. No jewels waiting on the head of a statue deep in the bowels of the temple...
Okay, enough Indiana Jonesing. I suppose the week isn't over yet so I shouldn't count my chickens but I'm still feeling like it won't be this week. Time in editorland passes differently to time out here in unpublished authorland. And justifiably so. Editors have many published authors to deal with as well as sifting through the slush. I, on the other hand, only have one ms to think about and lots of time to do it in. Four months certainly gives you a perspective on what you've done and I've learned quite a lot in the past four months. I would not have written the partial now like I did back in January. However, the main thing about this sub is that I still think the conflict holds up. Certainly didn't feel that way about my last submission. But my thoughts on the subject don't count. It's whether the ed feels the same that matters.

Anyway, until I hear there's nothing much else to do but write, write, write. It IS the best way to forget about a sub. In the four months of my wait I've already polished up another ms, written the first draft of a second and written the first chapers of mss number 3 and 4. So I should have a nice tidy stack of mss ready to go by the time I hear back.

Guess this means that should there be an R destined for me, I won't be giving up. Feel free to remind me of this the next time an R comes along...;-)

So, in the interests of NTAI, here's a situation for you: One love scene. One heroine. One catsuit. Boots. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get the heroine out of the catsuit without removing her boots. Discuss.

And when you've figured it out, let me know cos it's doing my head in. ;-)

A Miracle - The Non Sassy Heroine

Is this even possible in Modern Heat? Having a heroine who is not sassy? Is not quick with the comeback? Does not give the hero what-for at every given opportunity?

This, friends, is my conundrum. Having left the Frenchman to stew quietly in his own juices (don't go there) for a wee while, the time has come to revisit my nearly-there manuscript. The manuscript that might have been a winner if its author hadn't fell at the last hurdle and botched the revisions. Sigh. Anyway, the heroine in this manuscript is non-sassy. She is a stammerer. A stutterer. She's nervous, ungainly and finds herself completely out of her depth with the hero. So is she a Modern Heat heroine? Well, thing is, the eds liked her the first time round. They thought she was lovely. Which means the answer I'm hoping for is yes. Yes she is!

The problem with the ms the first time round was lack of believable conflict. This time round - now I have a much better idea about what I'm doing - I think I've got her conflict right. But she's still nervous and stammery. Still doesn't know what to say or what to do when she meets the hero. However the one thing she has got, that the hero needs, is honesty. She's unflinchingly, unfailingly honest. About herself and she certainly pulls no punches when it comes to being honest with him. Good thing too because the hero has been lying to himself for a long time and needs her honesty in order realise it.

In many ways, she is my favourite heroine. I think probably because she's the first one I actually connected with while I was writing it. She was so nervous, I really felt for her. And yet she wasn't scared to tell him what a coward he was being later on so she wasn't a doormat by any stretch. She was different - there are lots of sassys out there but not so many stammeries!

Anyway, I'm tossing up between my non-sassy software developer or my extremely sassy protester. Usually what I do is choose the one with the closest love scene - yes, I'm shallow like that. :-) In this instance, since both love scenes happen in the first few chapters (at least, that's my plot. Could change I guess) I'm spoilt for choice!

Has anyone else written a heroine who is a bit different? If so, how did you find it? Was it hard?

So What Do I Do Now?

Okay, so here I am, still waiting. No drama though. In many ways still waiting is good. Everything is still a possibility, nothing has been rejected. Yet. Groan. My only problem is feeling sick every morning as the Inbox of Doom fills up with emails.
Anyway, in order to help the NTAI along a little, I've been working on a couple of entries for a contest run by the RWNZ. It's a specifically category contest which is why I'm entering. Got my stories sorted bar some minor editing, just have the minor detail of the synopses to go. Did I mention how much I hate writing these? Yes? Well, I'm going to say it again mainly for venting purposes - I HATE synopses. Right. Will shut up about it now.
After these entries have been posted I then will have to think about which wip is the next wip. I'm leaving the Frenchman to simmer for a while before editing so in the meantime I shall have to press on with something else. And I think - seeing as how I've finally got the conflict sorted - it shall be Kate and Alex, my Feel the Heat entry. After so long, it's about time eh? And actually, quite looking forward to it since they're turning out to be one hot couple - I love it when they fight. ;-)

More on that anon, but first I need to annouce that I have been nominated for the 5-5-5 tag by the lovely Suzanne Jones. Thanks Suzanne! This is: 5 questions, 5 answers, 5 blogs to tag.
So here goes:

Question 1: Where were you five years ago?

1. I was a librarian in a university library.
2. Had only one child (not even thinking of number 2!).
3. Was trying and failing to write the great New Zealand novel because I was too busy writing romance stories instead. ;-)
4. Thought that internal conflict was something you got after eating too much chocolate.
5. Never dreamed I'd even get close to getting published.

Question 2: What is (was) on your to do list today?

1. Finish my competition synopses - fail.
2. Put away my supermarket shopping - fail.
3. Clean up my bedroom - fail.
4. Tidy my study - fail.
5. Get totally involved with my new wip to the detriment of everything else - success!

Question 3: What five snacks do you enjoy?

1. Coffee. Yes, it does count as a snack!
2. Dark chocolate.
3. Pretzels.
4. Cheese.
5. Chocolate martinis. What? They also count as a snack. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Question 4: What five places have you lived in?

1. Wellington.
2. Auckland.
3. Chiswick (London).
4. Golders Green (London).
5. Romancelandia (where I still live in my head).

Question 5: What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Seduce my virgin secretary.
2. Keep a string of racehorses/polo ponies.
3. Buy vast mansions in London, Paris and New York.
4. Make secretive large charitable donations.
5. Claw my way up from a poverty stricken background, make shed-loads of money on the stock exchange and finally wreck my terrible revenge on those who wronged me.

Nominating 5 bloggers: Argh, I always hate this part. All the blogs I check out are cool but CPs get first dibs.

Rachel Johns

Janette Radevski

Lorraine Wilson

Maisey Yates

Jane Mulberry

Hi, My Name's Jackie and I am a Writerholic

Just got back from an Easter break and am feeling very writing deprived. Apparently it's good to have a rest but I tell you five days without writing anything feels like torture to me. Luckily I wasn't in the middle of a wip otherwise it would have been hell. Still, the one good thing about being away is that there was lots of opportunity for thinking time.

I'm currently writing a synopsis for a competition entry and it's giving me gyp. Of course, synopses are the devil's own work and this was annoying me in particular because it's a rewritten version of my Feel the Heat story. Now rewriting previously rejected stories is HORRIBLE. Especially when they only have a passing acquaintance with conflict. Actually, scrub that, this story wouldn't have known conflict if it leapt up and bit said story on the backside. Hence the complete rewrite. In fact, nothing remains of the original apart from the character names, the hero's profession and that there is a protest involved. The rest of it has been totally done-over. Sounds good right? Well, it would be if I could get the conflict sorted. For nearly a year and a half I've been trying to get the conflict on this story okay. Yep, that's right, a year and a half. You'd think it would be easy. Nope. Problem has been not knowing what the hey I'm doing. I mean, here's the thing, you've got to make each character the worst possible person for their counterpart, and yet the best. They each have to learn something from the other which means they both have to lack something that the other has. But they both have to have qualities that the other admires and yet also something that keeps them apart.

Think I've mentioned jigsaw puzzles haven't I?

Groan. Anyway, think the last part of the puzzle slotted in over the weekend. Bout bloody time. Now, the reason it's taken me so long is that I never really had a good enough idea about what I was doing with conflict until now. Of course, the editor could disagree with that but at least it's more right than it's ever been (famous last words!). And the answer - as it was in the beginning - is in the characters. Their lives up until this point, the kind of people they are, what they admire, what they dislike, what they're secretly afraid of, and what they're currently doing in order to mask this secret fear. I think I've done it and then I realise that I've neglected to ask myself what my heroine's relationship with her mother was, or how she viewed her father or her siblings or whatever.

I have to say, the friends we went on holiday with were rather puzzled by my conversations with Dr Jax. "You know Kate? What's she afraid of?" I would ask him as we were walking along the beach. Or, "Remember Kate? I need her to do something that teaches him this thing but I don't know what she does," as we were in the middle of a card game. Or "I think I'm getting rid of the baby. It doesn't add anything," as we were watching one of the kids having a tantrum. ;-)

Yes, even on holiday I do not have a holiday from writing. One of my friends asked me how many hours I put into this 'job' and I couldn't put a number on it. Suffice to say that if I was actually paid for every hour that I put into it, then I'd be rich!

Anyway, now I have my conflict sorted, I can write my synopsis and send away my competition entry. Woohoo. In the meantime I am reading Mira Lynn Kelly's debut Modern Heat and loving it. Gosh those Modern Heat gals are good eh? Tough acts to follow. WTG and congrats on yor release Mira!

The Importance of Being Nervous

Why am I nervous? Because I've heard from the editor that I've been working with and she's told me that she should be getting to my partial in the next couple of weeks. Argh!!! And I've gone from impatient waiting to nervous twitching instead. Perhaps it's nicer not knowing. Because when you don't know, you can entertain all kinds of wonderful thoughts such as they love it so much they want your full manuscript instantly. Or that they offer you a fifty book contract on the spot. Or just that they like it but they want you to change a few things. I'd be happy with anything that isn't a flat-out no at this stage. :-)

The problem is that I've learned heaps in the past six months. Especially the past three. Which means that the partial I sent three months ago is probably not the partial I would send now. Sigh. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. I 'think' the conflict is okay - certainly the character biographies I sent through were approved of - so that should help, but ultimately you never know until the editor gives you the magic yes. I still like my partial, I still think it was good. There are things I would change now but that's just to do with pace. In spite of all of that, I may get the flat-out no. And in which case - here's the important thing - I do have another manuscript ready to go. I'm not giving up until I get the 'please do not submit to us again' letter*.

No retreat, no surrender right?

*Note: There is no such letter (that I know of). :-)

Headache or Plot Device?

Finished my Frenchman. Yes, it was fast but I'm realising that writing the first draft really quickly is kind of my process. I have to get it down ASAP because if I don't, I lose interest and never finish it. And since finishing is a weak point of mine, it's something I really have to work at and be disciplined about. Anyway, I'm already thinking that I'm going to have to change the middle of it. Why? Well, some explanation is required.

My hero, in the beginning, has a migraine that affects his vision (yes, apparently this is rather girly but hey, I can change it if I need to). Cue practical, efficient heroine who takes charge of him while he's extremely helpless. This ties nicely into his conflict of hating to be helpless, while at the same time, showcasing the heroine's trustworthy nature. Okay, this may have a whiff of the plot device about it but I'm keeping it for the beginning for the meantime (external conflict brings them together right?). However the whiff does get a tad stronger later on because he has another one - this one is different because he willingly places himself in the heroine's care for the first time, thereby demonstrating his growing trust in her and also having this trust repaid. But, I've already used this situation in the beginning so is using it again overkill? I didn't want him to have one migraine and then it never be an issue again (definitely a plot device!) and yet I didn't want to keep going back over the same ground. My gut feeling, though, is that yes, it's overkill. Not to mention the fact that it makes the whiff of plot device rather more stench-like.

The problem is that MH (and a lot of the other M&B lines) are character driven. I never really got a good idea about what this means until recently but now I do, I can see why my migraine thing may be just a plot device. Character driven means the character drives the story through the decisions and actions that they take. They don't stand there and have things happen to them. Hence my problem with a migraine. A migraine happens to someone, someone doesn't happen to a migraine. So really, if I want to showcase my hero's developing trust in the heroine, what should be happening is that a decision he makes places him in a situation where he has to trust the heroine rather than have the situation happen to him. But this is the difficult part for me - thinking of the situation! Because as a billionaire who hates losing control, why would he make a decision that places him in a situation where he has none? The answer probably will lie with the heroine and the chain of action and reaction that happens in the book. Somewhere along the line, she'll do something and his reaction will be to place his trust in her. In fact, I have an idea right now as I'm typing this....

What do you guys reckon? Is a headache just a headache or is it plot device? ;-)

The Trouble with Endings

Is that I find them hard to write. I think I may have mentioned before how hard I find them. Which is possibly why, until I started writing romance and seriously trying to get published, I never finished any of the stories I used to start.

I'm not sure what it is about them that I find difficult. Before I really got into learning the technical aspects of writing romance, I used to find that the problem was the cheesiness of them. The obligatory here's-why-I-was-so-horrible-to-you explanations. But now that I know a little more about what I'm doing, it's even worse than that just the cheesiness: it's the tying up of the conflict.

Has each character completed their journey? Have they learned enough from each other in order to take that last step and overcome their conflict? Have I tied up any loose ends? Have I introduced something I shouldn't? Argh! Several people have commented in the last couple of blog posts that the more you know, the harder it gets and you know what? They're right! Before I knew any of this it was 'I love you'. 'I love you too'. Kiss. The End.
Not any more.

The reason for the angst is that I'm nearing the end of the Frenchman. Got the Black Moment then the resolution to go. I know how it's going to play out, but I've got bogged down yet again. I think - as usual - it's because one of them needs to act and I'm not quite sure what that action is yet. It'll be something to do with their conflict that will precipitate the black moment but I'm still feeling my way a little here. Ah well, I always have this problem during a first draft. I'll go like the clappers for a while and then come to a shuddering halt. But no doubt I'll figure out what one of them needs to do and then I'll be off again and I'll find write the end of the wretched thing. And you know what? Just writing this blog post has given me an idea... The Frenchman likes to be in control so what does he do when he feels a situation is sliding out of his control? He likes to get it back!

On that happy note, anyone else find endings difficult to write? Please don't say I'm the only one!

The Rudeness of the Frenchman

I'm not talking about Frenchmen in general, just about my particular Frenchman. And his problem with rudeness. Because sadly, in the first chapter he is not at his best and is quite rude to the heroine. Now some people who have met him had no problems with his rudeness and yet others found it difficult. So what's a girl to do?

He is rude for a reason, naturally. The heroine meets him when he is in considerable pain. For an alpha male who is the leader of a huge corporation, a man for whom control over any situation is vital to him, having some stranger see him when he is in helpless and in pain is kind of his worst nightmare. Especially when she tries to help him. So yeah, he's rude. He doesn't want her help. He just wants to be left alone. Unfortunately though, this makes him unsympathetic to some people. I've tried to make him less rude but he won't have a bar of it. He hates the situation he's in and makes no bones about it.

So what to do? I do have his POV a bit later in the chapter so you get a glimspe about why he's so rude and I think I can make it clearer but maybe it's too late by then. Certainly by chapter 2, he's feeling very guilty at his lapse in manners but again, perhaps it's too little too late?

But you know, I don't think I can pull back his behaviour. I like him being helpless. He needs to be too because part of his journey is learning he can trust the heroine - and how better to do that have her rescue him when he needs help? It's just that he really doesn't like it, especially because he's not in control of the situation.

Sigh. What do you reckon? Shall I take a whip to him and make him a bit nicer? That's if I can. You ever tell an alpha male what he should or shouldn't do?

Don't Just Stand There - Do Something!

Yes, problems with the Frenchman yet again. Honestly, I don't know what it is about this ms that's causing me so much grief! That man needs - in the immortal words of my paternal grandfather - a good whipping with barbed wire. Anyway, so after rewriting the first chapter five times, I then had a problem with chapter 3. It was like wading through quicksand. And I couldn't figure out why. Luckily Dr Jax, back from his conference in Acapulco, was on hand to assist. He probably was hoping I'd leave talking about writing for at least the first hour after he'd got back in the door but he was sadly mistaken....

To cut an extremely long story short, after discussion (AKA me moaning for a good long time about how it wasn't working), we finally figured out what wasn't working. My characters were standing around talking. That's it. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the talking - it's all conflict - it's just that there was no action. No one was driving the story forward. No wonder it felt static and like nothing was happening!

I have to admit that this is a problem with my stories. I love dialogue so much that I tend to get carried away with it and have times where all my characters do is witter on to each other. I think I'm better than I used to be - I used to think that standing around talking about stuff was an action that a character takes - and hey, I did recognise that there was something not working about that chapter. It also made me realise that I had the same issue in a chapter in another story that also didn't feel right. Which is progress right?

So, instead of talking about stuff, I am going to get my hero to cease his jabbering and take some action. My heroine is a PA so what does a hero do with a PA? (mind out of the gutter please or off the desk, whichever takes your fancy) He gives her a job to do. Preferably one that she will NOT enjoy doing... ;-)

Anyone else have times when writing a scene is like quicksand? What do you do about it?

The Perils of First Chapters

Honestly, you wouldn't believe the trouble I'm having with the first chapter of the Frenchman. Having planned out the conflict and a good idea about how I was going to start, I then somehow lost my mojo.

My problem is that I actually wrote three chapters of this last year, way back before I had a good idea about any of the stuff I know now about conflict and character etc. And I really liked those three chapters. Yes, they were gimmicky and I made my characters do things without thinking through their motivation, but I still really liked them. Being good, I thought I'd can them and start the story off afresh, with a new beginning that was less gimmicky and based more on the characters themselves. But you know what? After writing it first from her POV and then from his, it just didn't work for me. It felt stilted and not particularly dynamic. And this was a pain because I find that if I can't get my first chapter to work well enough, I can't write the rest of it! Now I can write ahead, though I don't normally, but the first chapter is the scene setter. It's the first glimpse of the h&h too and if it's not right, then this has a flow on effect for me and writing the rest feels like pulling teeth.

So, anyway, after three failed attempts at a new beginning. I went back to my old one to see if I could tweak it so it was less gimmicky. But still I had problems with it. Finally I thought about changing the setting to see if that helped and at last - draft 5! - I think I've got it the way I want. For now. Maybe I'll change it after I've written the rest of the story but at least it's done enough for me to feel comfortable with writing on.

Why did I want the gimmicky beginning? Basically because it taps directly into the hero's conflict. It features the hero in a situation where he has no control and the heroine having it instead. The previous drafts didn't have a situation that made it difficult for either of them. And if it's not difficult for the characters then there's no tension. And I wanted that tension.

So how about the rest of you? Do you find first chapters difficult? Or is it just me?? :-)

Vent of the Month Plus the Adventures of Hoo the Incredible Blue Octopus

I'm trying to get into writing my Naughty Frenchman but I have to say, I'm having a 'what's the point' week. The waiting is killing me - it always does - and even though I have lots of stories in the works, I'm feeling a bit directionless. I always get a bit like this as things drag on - usually just after submitting I'm fine for a few weeks and then doubts etc start to kick in. Targetting only one line does mean that you can't do anything else but write while you're waiting, and yes, writing IS the thing to do, but I can't help feeling that while it drags on I'm kind of standing still.

At my last RWNZ meeting, people asked me how I was getting on and one person said to me, 'oh, but you're nearly there aren't you?'. Thing is, I've been 'nearly there' for a whole year now. And in fact, there is no such thing as 'nearly there'. You're either there or you're not. As the lovely Karina Bliss told me, it's like being pregnant. You can't be nearly pregnant, you either are or you're not. I'm not.

It does not help that Dr Jax is currently gallivanting around Acapulco at a conference while I am at home with the kids. Not that I mind the kids (most of the time), it's just that I'd rather be the one at Acapulco! Unfortunately my place with Dr Jax has been usurped by a small, blue, stuffed octopus called Hoo. My daughter gave him the toy to keep him company and so far, the wretched thing has seen way more of Acapulco than it has any right to. Witness these pictures.

So, while my husband and a tiny blue octopus are having fun in sunny Acapulco, I shall while away the time trying to write Chapter 1 of the Frenchman for the fifth time (yes, it's taking me that long to get it right! Grrr).

Oh yes, and NTAI.

Anyone else finding the NTAI hard at the moment?

Building a Heroine (and An Award)

I've been putting this off because quite frankly, heroines are not my strong point. I prefer heroes because, well, to be honest, I'm way more interested in him than I am in her. And possibly also because I'm just not very good at writing a decent heroine. I think the only one of mine that I really liked was the geeky heroine in my sadly rejected full. She was lovely. Vulnerable, sweet, but terribly, terribly stubborn. Told the hero he was just a big, fat dirty coward. Loved her. She'll get her HEA one day but today I'm building my good old Kiwi girl to complement my naughty Frenchman...

Okay, so, my hero wants control in his relationships. He wants this because control quells the fear he has of being abandoned. So in order to really up the tension in this story, I need to give the heroine something that will really conflict with his need for control. And I'm going for independence here. So my heroine believes that independence or self reliance in her relationships is the key to fighting her fear of having love used to control her (backstory alert!). Having love used to control her made her feel she wasn't important and that her feelings didn't matter so she definitely wants to avoid this. Yay. Now I have two completely opposite motivations and secret fears here which is great because that's how I'll get the greatest tension in the story.

Of course,my problem now is that if the heroine doesn't want to be controlled, why would she fall for a hero who wants to control things? So I'll have to give the hero some qualities that she will admire. These qualities will probably be related to her backstory. Perhaps in her past men have been unreliable and let her down, in which case she will admire trustworthyness and reliability. So I'll make him reliable and trustworthy. Since she values these attributes, she'll endeavour to make sure she herself is trustworthy too - thereby making her more attractive to the hero because, as you remember, if he thinks she's trustworthy, she'll be less likely to abandon him.

Right, so I have some conflict and motivation for the heroine. I've got some things for her to admire in the hero. So now I can build her backstory. If she wants independence then perhaps she runs her own company, likes to do things herself. Perhaps she's also practical and down to earth, good traits when it comes to pricking the arrogance-bubble the hero surrounds himself in. She will also need a spine of steel in order to stand up to the hero's demands. But that's okay because as her motivation is independence, that's totally in keeping with her character - she's not going to let anyone control her so she will fight him as and when required...
Hey, think I'm getting there. Not a stereotype in sight. And now I've got her most basic conflict straight, she'll act like she's supposed to and I won't have to give her extreme character traits to make her do what I want!

At least that's the plan.

Right, on with the award. I've been nominated for a Happy Cupcake Award! Thanks to Maya, Lacey, and Kerrin! This requires me to list 10 things that make me happy. So here they are, in no particular order:

1. Dr Jax.
2. My girls.
3. Kohu Road Dark Chocolate icecream.
4. Writing.
5. My latest hero.
6. A nice vodka martini.
7. All my lovely blog friends (shameless flattery, yes, I know).
8. A good book.
9. My iPhone.
10. Great Uncle Visa. ;-)

Now I should nominate 10 bloggers who also make me happy but since all of you already have been nominated and you all make me happy, I shall extend the award to anyone who missed out! Enjoy the cupcakes everyone!

Oh and how is everyone else's heroines getting on? Ready to shoot them yet?? ;-)

Building a Hero

I've decided I really like my new hero. Not that I didn't before, I just like him even more now I know where he's coming from. In my last post I mentioned I was going to try sorting out the conflicts first for a change, then build the characters around that, and then - lastly - figure out a plot. This is a big thing for me. Normally I get an idea for a opening scene and start writing immediately, finding out about my characters as I go along. Now this may work for some people, but it appears this method does not work for me. And I have the Rs to prove it!

Anyway, to avoid the horrible 60 million jigsaw piece scenario, I figured out the hero first, starting with his internal conflict. The way I like to think about good old IC is to think about a person's most basic fear. And then what the character does in order to fight that fear. My hero is afraid of being abandoned because it makes him feel unloved. So what does he do in order to fight that fear? He makes sure that no one leaves him. How does he do that? By being in control in his relationships. Remaining in control is his main motivation throughout the story and it's this need that will lie at the heart of all the actions and decisions he makes. It will also be part of the lesson he needs to learn - in order to have a healthy relationship with the heroine, he needs to learn to give up that control and get over his fear of abandonment.

Now I've figured out his fear and his motivation, I can build up the backstory. Such as why he has a fear of abandonment. How the need for control has worked throughout his life. How it has affected his previous relationships. Working out this conflict and how it has shaped my hero can also give me clues as to what qualities he admires in other people (heroine alert!). Qualities like loyalty (people who are loyal don't leave), dependability (people who are dependable are less likely to leave), tenaciousness (again, makes people less likely to give up or leave!). And also qualities that he may not like in other people (again, heroine alert!).

Of course, I'd like to say that his IC was all worked out first and then I got the idea for making him a French aristocrat but I can't kick my old habits and the whole French thing kind of developed alongside the rest of it. I think the important thing though is that the fact that he is descended from French aristocrats and is the head of a huge luxury goods company adds colour and maybe a few traits but it doesn't really have any bearing on his most basic conflict. So why did I make him French and head of a huge company? Well, I've never written a non-English character so I thought I'd make him French since I like the accent. :-) Plus if he's wealthy then I can add French Chateaus etc for the fantasy factor. The aristocracy bit and the head of the company will add to his alphaness naturally. Of course now he's sounding less Modern Heat and more Modern! Argh!

Anyway, I now have one piece of the jigsaw sorted. The next thing I have to do is build my old arch-nemesis: the heroine. I can hear her evil laugh already...

Oh, that's right, I was going to ask about nationalities. What's your favourite when it comes to heroes?

New Story Love

So I'm in the middle of editing my next sub but since it's pretty much written, I thought I'd spare a few thoughts for the sub after that - never hurts to think ahead and it's great for the NTAI, right?
Now, I have two stories I am planning to rewrite. One is my Feel the Heat entry made new and shiny, and the other is my sadly rejected 'nearly there' ms. Both, I feel, could be made to work, but y'know, comes a time when writing a new story is a good idea. Even just to remind myself that I can!

So yesterday and today, I have been brainstorming something new. It's been one that I've had for a while now and yeah, okay, I admit that I've got a synopsis for it and I may have even written one chapter, but from yesterday it's technically brand new. Why? Because for the first time before beginning something, I actually sat down and worked out what the conflicts were, who my characters were before I started writing. This is a big step for me. I'm usually so impatient to get started that I jump right in. But not this time. And quite frankly it was bloody hard. The crit group luckily came to my aid, but boy, working out this stuff first is nasty.

Firstly I needed to figure out the conflict. I already had an idea for my hero so I started with my initial idea of who he was, except this time, I tried to think of the conflict before anything else. What is he afraid of? What does he want out of life? What does he do now that won't work for him when he meets the heroine? What is it about him that will prevent him from being with her as soon as he meets her? And then, once I'd decided on him and his motivations, I had to figure out a perfect heroine for him. The easiest way was to make her conflict the opposite of his. Great first step, but then how does her conflict tie into his? And if he's so wrong for her, what about him makes him so right?
It was like putting together an extremely complicated jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes the pieces fit and sometimes, no matter how much you turn them, they just won't. It's frustrating. You'll try every single piece but nothing works, and then suddenly, completely by chance, you'll pick one up and it just slots into place. And you'll wonder 'how on earth did I miss that?' Of course, I haven't got to really know my characters yet and I won't until I start writing, but - to use the jigsaw analogy again - I've got the edge pieces in place. The border is all done, it's now up to me to fill in the rest of the picture.

I'm hoping to avoid all the mistakes I've made in the past so I'm going to put the basic conflict at the top of the ms. With any luck this will stop me trying to make it more complicated and also so I remember what's driving every scene. Should give me some ideas about how to make sure it gets worse for the characters with every scene too. Did I say how much I love torturing them? Oh yes, I do!

Anyway, this story I'm trying for something a little different. My hero is aristocratic and more Modern in his success than Modern Heat (think rich, rich, rich!). He's also French, and apparently Frenchmen don't sell as well as Greeks. Thought I'd give it a go anyway, and hey, at least I know by now not to make the whole story rest on his being French or even being hugely successful. The heart is the conflict and the rest is just window dressing that can be changed if needed.

So anyone else starting something new? How do you tackle it?

For the Love of Editing

I love editing. There, I've said. I love editing and I don't care who knows it. I love fiddling around with scenes and layering in little bits here and there, or even cutting out a scene that didn't work and rewriting it. In fact, in many ways, getting that first draft down for me is the hardest part. Once it's down, at least the bare bones are there and I can fiddle.

Maybe this goes back to being the kid who spent more time drawing little borders around her school work than actually doing the work. Or happily playing around with designing pamphlets when I used to work in the library (as opposed to actually writing the content). Yep, there was something satisfying in fiddling with stuff.

Anyway, I've finally finished the rewrite of a story I wrote during Nano the year before last and am now having fun with editing it. I loved the story - especially the idea and I loved the hero. But sadly when I wrote it, I was still getting the hang of conflict and so the characters...well....they didn't have any. However, I've learned a lot in the past six months and now I think I have the story to where I want it to be. As in there is actual conflict in there!
Of course because of having actual conflict, I had to change large parts of the story completely. I think in all there were three chapters I kept, plus a few minor plot points and then the rest I rewrote entirely from scratch. This will be my next sub so I hope it works. Of course, the only person who can say for certain that it does work is the editor and as I'm still waiting on news of my partial, I won't be getting any feedback for this story any time soon. Ah well, in the meantime I'll have fun with my editing and then perhaps think about which story I'll concentrate on next. After all, the best thing to do while waiting is more writing right?

So, how do you find editing? Do you spend your time drawing pretty borders around your work or do you hate that bit? ;-)

Being Too Self Aware About Self Awareness

I have done a post about this before, I realise, but I think it's worth posting about again since I know a little bit more about it than I did before. And also I have finally finished the major rewrite of my next potential sub and self awareness was a particular bugbear in that one, as it has been in all my mss to be honest.

You see, when I was a little baby writer, I used to get really annoyed with characters that seemed wholly blind to their problems. So my characters would always know what their problems were. Most of the time, they knew and still acted like idiots (my heroes here) because they were so tortured and well, just generally angsty. This was before I knew about conflict, about action, about pace, about anything really! I know a lot more about that stuff now so it came as a bit of a surprise to me that, as a big grown-up writer, I was still making my characters too self aware.

So, what is all this self awareness stuff? It's being aware of your feelings and the reasons for them basically. For example, my hero wants to succeed in his business. It's his goal. If pushed, he might admit that his drive to succeed is based on leaving behind a troubled youth. But what he wouldn't admit to is that his drive to succeed is based on a fear that he's really no good because his father walked out on him when he was young. He wouldn't admit to it because he doesn't actually know that at the beginning of the book. Unless you're me of course, who did actually make him know that in the first chapter! The problem with this is that if they know their fears right at the beginning there wouldn't be any sense of discovery about the character. Plus the fact that if they know their problems right at the beginning, why don't they do something about them right then and there? And you also lose any emotional impact because there is no slow revelation or sudden insight by the character about their behaviour.

Anyway, the upshot of this is that I have to learn to pull back on the awareness. I found myself getting into trouble with this rewrite because of that and it meant because I had made my hero too self aware too early, I had to give him another problem so he would still grow and change. Which meant I complicated the conflict. Remember the KISS principle? Keep It Simple Stupid.

Now, all this might sound as though I'm making my characters do stuff instead of being guided by them. That may be true but I don't think I'm doing it this time. If I think about it, my character is an alpha male who wants to prove himself. Admitting he's scared of not being good enough would be something he would never admit to. So making him aware of this fear too early on IS making him do something he doesn't want to do.

All this stuff about self awareness is making me appreciate the layers of the onion metaphor that Kate Walker talks about. I knew what she meant, but I never really saw it in my own work until now.

So, what does everyone else think about this? Are your characters too self aware like mine? Or are they appropriately dense? :-)

Niceness for Valentine's Day

Here on the right we have a lovely Russian icon type picture of Saint Valentine. Why? Because obviously it's that day that all romance writers like - Valentine's Day! Now, the reasons a day celebrating love is associated with an old Roman saint are a little unclear (at least according to that well known and totally truthful source, Wikipedia), I am nevertheless happy that due to this ancient tradition, I am now the owner of some absolutely divine chocolates. There is a French chocolatier up the road, who uses Valrhona chocolate to make some of the best chocolate in Auckland (nay, New Zealand itself!) and guess who gave them to me?
No, not my secret fancy man. It's the dear Dr Jax, who looked very surprised when I wished him happy Valentine's this morning. He's on call today you see and I thought he'd forgotten. Well, he had. But he had not forgotten the day before when he'd bought my little pressie. Yes, I am spoiled. I even got two Valentine's cards from my lovely girls (and no, they will not be sharing my chocolate). And what's more, I am going to celebrate by totally torturing my hero with the fact that he is falling in love and he so does not want to. Mwwwwahahahah.

Now, I don't use celebrities to cast my characters cause I find the real person gets in the way of the fictional one, but I do like a bit of eye candy now and then. So here on the left, as a little Valentine's Day present to myself (and to those of you who like him too!) is Josh Holloway from Lost, doing his bit for Davidoff. I'm writing a bad boy at the moment and you can't get a more charming bad boy alpha than Sawyer. Mmmm.... Nicer than a Russian icon in my opinion...


So what about you guys? Was your Valentine's romantic?

What Would An Alpha Male Do?

So Dr Jax had a significant birthday this week and I took the liberty of booking us a room at Auckland's Hilton hotel for the night. I'll just say this now - it was for his birthday but, obsessive writer that I am, it was also research since the characters of my current WIP also visit said hotel. It was a gorgeous room with views across the harbour (when not blocked by the vast cruise ships that moor alongside the hotel), perfect for my characters - though I think I'll make the room a LOT bigger. A suite maybe. And yes, I took pictures of both the room and the view to help with scene setting. Like I said, research.

We had dinner at the very swanky restaurant and - here's another example of just how obsessive I am when it comes to writing - had an unfortunately hilarious moment when the waiter spilled a glass of Moet all over me. And I mean, ALL over me. The poor man was showering me with napkins (after showering me with champagne) and fussing round while I dried my hair with a fourth napkin, all the while thinking, 'I wonder if I could work this into a book?'. The whole restaurant was gawking at me but all I could think about was writing! And then, when I told Dr Jax that I was thinking about how I could use this in a scene, he asked 'so what would an alpha male do in this situation?'. And instantly I was thinking constructing a new story...

So, thank you clumsy waiter at White restaurant. Your waiting skills leave a lot to be desired but at least you've given me an opening scene for a new book. Heroine gets expensive champagne spilled on her in a swanky, upmarket hotel restaurant. She's utterly soaked, horribly embarassed, and along comes the hero and....??

What do you reckon? What would an alpha male do?

What To Think About When You're Not Thinking About It

Okay, so the NTAI ain't going so well. Ridiculous since it's only been five weeks since I submitted the thing but there you go. So, what does one do when one is trying to Not Think About It?
I usually write. I write like the dickens. There is something about totally losing yourself in a new story and when I do, I forget all about my sub and everything else (including the little things like feeding the kids and making sure they haven't killed each other).

This is not a problem but I have been thinking about whether I should branch out and try something else. Try writing for a different category. That way I can have more subs out there (and true, more to NTAI!). There are downsides to this, mainly if you do get something accepted, the eds will want to establish you in one line rather than have your name associated with a couple and perhaps getting readers confused. Also, the requirements for the different lines are quite different and it's as well to concentrate on mastering one line first.

However, my problem is that I write really fast. If everything is worked out beforehand, I can write a first draft in two weeks. This is a good thing because while waiting, I can churn out a couple of mss to have at the ready in case of rejection. However, if I've done that and it turns out I have six month wait before hearing back, maybe I should be using the time to try writing and querying something else?

I'm still undecided. Modern Heat is where I want to be first and foremost, and my main focus is on that. But it would be nice to be waiting on more than one sub...

Whaddya reckon?

We Shall Fight

We shall fight on the beaches,
We shall fight on the landing grounds,
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
We shall fight in the hills;
We shall never surrender.

Thanks Winston. So why am I fighting? Well, my last post was grade A whine material. Now, I was going to apologise for that but I figure part of waiting - for me at least - involves a minor vent and/or whine every now and then, and that was my whine for January. I'll be allowed one for Febuary but I'll give myself a bit of time to build up to it. ;-)

Anyway, the fighting speech is mainly due to a lovely comment Natalie Anderson left on my blog in response to said whine. In fact all of you who read my monotonous musings left great comments, for which I think you very much, but it was Natalie's that really got to me. 'You're a fighter' she said. Thanks for the reminder, Natalie! Because you're right. I am a fighter. I don't like letting things alone or letting things go. I hate stuff getting the better of me. Especially stuff I'm good at! And if there's one thing I have learned over the Year of the R (2009) is that I can write.

So, forwith the Battle Plan:

1. Strategically attack and conquer Laurie Schnebly Campbell's Plotting for Motivation course this month.
2. Decimate current WIP by finishing the rewrite and then beat into submission the partial.
3. Cunningly deploy my forces to surround the current crop of new story ideas, winnow the wheat from the chaff, sort out the men from the boys, and decide which WIP shall be the new WIP.
4. Sack and burn the city of TAI, sowing the conquered ground with salt so that NOTHING shall grow. Build new city called NTAI of which I shall be the supreme ruler.
5. Eat more Kohu Road dark chocolate icecream.
6. Storm Kohu Road icecream company, secure ALL their stocks of dark chocolate icecream and enforce martial law whereby they will have to make dark chocolate icecream for me alone.
7. Send out spies for a reconnaissance mission to the London offices of Mills and Boon.
8. Lay out honey traps using Kohu Road dark chocolate icecream.
9. Wait for the editors to fall for said honey traps and the watch the contracts to roll in.
10. Become supreme ruler of the world.

Okay, so there's a bit of a jump between numbers 9 and 10 but it's doable, right?

:-)

Riding the Rollercoaster

Hmmm, despite my happy 'I love rejections' post, the crows of doubt have come to roost again. Par for the course. No surprises there. To be honest, the constant ups and downs are very tiring. It does tend to be my personality (hello! Gemini!) but I have been kind of thinking, 'do I need stress like this in my life?'. At the very beginning of the year I did tell my husband that I wished I'd never started submitting. That the whole rollercoaster ride was getting a bit much for me.

Then again, I guess that's the hazard when you go after your dreams. It's going to be tough and disappointing, and you will wonder why on earth you thought it was a good idea. Especially when your goal is just as far off as it ever was.

Anyway, this is not a play for sympathy or anything, just a little vent. Sunday morning musings. I am trying to resist the urge to reread my partial, just to make sure I'm as happy with it now as I was when I sent it off but that way lies madness. I have finished the full and the basic conflict seemed to hang together okay which is a good sign but you just never know.

Oh well, will stop moaning. How's everyone else doing? What do you do when the rollercoaster gets too much for you?

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Rejections

No, I haven't had my partial rejected. I really, really hope it won't be but nothing is ever certain when it comes to publishing. However, if it does get the big ole R, I hope people will remind me of this post because I'm currently trying to get my head around loving my rejections.
This is something I do when the wait is getting to me and I'm feeling down about my writing, and wishing I'd known more with the manuscript that was so nearly there but didn't end up making it.

Why? Surely there's nothing happy making about a rejection? Actually, the first rejection I got was happy making and started me on the road to taking my writing seriously. It was from the Instant Seduction Contest and the wonderful editor told me I had potential, that my voice was Modern Heat, and that though they didn't want to see any more of my contest entry (just as well since I hadn't written it), they'd be happy to look at anything else I had. Well, I was over the moon! Yes, I had potential! I expected to hear nothing at all from this contest and I was so thrilled. So off I sent my next partial.

Along come rejection number 2. I was unsurprised since I'd already by that time (having actually read some Modern Heats!) figured out it wasn't a goer. But still, they told me what was wrong with it and they wanted more. So off I sent another partial, while at the same time, entering the Feel the Heat contest. This was where things got serious. I got more feedback from FTH. I began to learn about internal conflict. Still hadn't got it though, my entry was rejected (rejection number 3). But they saw potential in the other partial that I'd send before the contest. I was asked for the full.

So I sent away my first full and back it came with revisions. My heroine needed conflict. I was learning, but I struggled with that. It was so hard. I hadn't learned that rewriting needed to be done, that adding conflict would change the character, that once you change the character, the plot might change too. And proper conflict still eluded me. I still didn't understand. I got a second lot of revisions but the conflict jigsaw still wasn't complete. I still didn't get it.

Rejection number 4 was very hard. The ms was so nearly there but I didn't have the knowledge I needed to make it work and the editors knew it. But now I could see why it hadn't worked. It was becoming clearer. Thinking I had it, I dived into another partial. Yes, surely I had the conflict now. But I was still thinking of the conflict as a thing separate from my characters. I wasn't looking at my characters as whole people, just as receptacles for the conflict I'd thought up.

So back came rejection number 5. Even harder than rejection number 4 in many ways. But the one thing about it was that finally I was beginning to see my problem. And it made me very determined to learn how to fix it. With rejection number 5 also came advice from Michelle Styles about synopses and about the actions and reactions characters take. Another piece of the jigsaw fell into place.

This time I sent off just a synopsis, after much hard work. Didn't get a rejection this time but a warning - think about your characters. You are not telling the story of a particular conflict, you are telling the story of two people. So who are these people? Why are they the way they are? Why are we even interested? And more light dawned. Conflict and character suddenly became much clearer. I felt I'd taken another big step forward. So finally I wrote the partial and sent it off.

I'd love to end this post with a full request but I can't since I don't know yet. However this time I'm taking nothing for granted. I may still be missing a part of the jigsaw, one I can't see yet. But one thing I'm sure of, if that very first ms had been accepted, I would be struggling to write a second. I have learned SO much in the past year though the rejections I've had that I truly don't know if I would have had a second accepted. The rejections have been horrible, gut-wrenching and depressing. But they've also been amazingly helpful, encouraging and focussing, and I would not have learned all that I have if I hadn't had them.

Of course if this partial is rejected, I will give up. Okay? Cause one can only love rejections so much. ;-)

(Yes. I'm kidding. So far).

Putting the E Back Into Sex

The E is the emotion I'm talking about, not some...um...other E. Ahem, moving right along, MH is a very sexy line. Lots of opportunities for action. And personally I really like writing a good love scene. I tend to put a lot of sensuality in mine to really build it up. I've been told by the ed I write a good one too (blows own trumpet here 'cause someone's got to!) which is pleasing.
So when I was told the emphasis was too heavy on the sex in the last reject, I was puzzled.
Hey, I thought. Whaddya expect? It was a once night stand, ergo, sex. Anyway, you liked the writing, so what was wrong with it? Too much heat? Or didn't the one nighter work out? Did they get together too quickly? What? What exactly did you mean by 'too much emphasis on sex'??

The problem, gentle reader, has only now sunk in. Having borrowed Maisey's editor decoder ring, I went back over the rejection letter and there it was in black and white - there was no emotion in the scene. What? No emotion? There was plenty! They enjoyed themselves didn't they? Oh sure, but we're not just talking pleasure here, we're talking emotion that is related to the conflict. As Michelle S told me, every scene has to forward the conflict on some level, and that includes the love scenes. So I quickly looked at the rough draft of my Cat/Sean ms to see what I'd done with the love scene. I'd really gone to town with it and it was pretty sexy but sure enough, I'd made the same mistake. No conflict!

Doh!

Glad I picked that one up huh? So how to put conflict in a love scene? Pretty much the same as you do with every scene. What's their conflict? How does that come out during love making? What kind of action would the conflict impel them to take and what would the response be and why? So I've got a guy who likes control with a woman who threatens it. And a spontaneous, impulsive woman who wants an emotional connection with a guy who is trying to deny it. Don't know about you, but I can see all sorts of possibilities there... :-)

Anyway, I think the real reason this has taken a while to sink in for me is that as a writer I am the queen of understatement. I don't like writing OTT emotional reactions, especially during love scenes. Which is why I didn't put them in. But, as one of Trish Wylie's lessons pointed out, you can never be too obvious. So I'm going to have to give up my love of the understated look or the many layered piece of dialoge and just be straight up. And boy are those two going to have emotional stuff going on in their scene - I'm going to wring that baby dry.

But if the ed wants to read it, she'll have to ask for the full. ;-)

BTW guys, the old sex without emotion thing was one of the problems the eds mentioned with many of the entries from the last competition. So the lesson is, yes, you can have the sex, but make sure that conflict is front and centre in the scene.

The Joy of Rewrites

You may have noticed that I'm not updating my word count bars (or you may not have. You may have better things to do than to check my word count bars!). The simple reason is that I am rewriting and find it too complex dicking around with existing word counts as opposed to rewrite word counts. Anyway, what has been interesting for me is not so much the word counts as the rewriting part. And it's brought me face to face with the reason my revised full was rejected last year.

I didn't rewrite enough.

What I tried to do was to put entirely new conflict into an existing plot structure. I went so far as to write new dialogue and even changed how a scene went. But what I should have done is REWRITE THE ENTIRE THING!

Yes indeedy folks, that would have been the answer. Why? Because with with new conflict, your character becomes a different person. And therefore they would have different responses. Which may mean some scenes are no longer relevant. If you have an existing plot structure, the temptation is to try and keep it, no matter that it may no longer work. And that's when you run into problems because then you start trying to force the characters into behaving the way you want them to instead of how they actually would naturally.

Ah well, I guess that's all part of the learning process. And the main thing is that I now have no qualms about starting from scratch. What I need to do is instead of putting new bits into the old, I need to start with a fresh slate and, if appropriate, but old bits into the new. It certainly has been working for me so far. I am rewriting another favourite ms of mine that will be my next sub and certainly starting afresh seems the best way to tackle it. That way you're not trapped by the stuff you've already written. Starting it new leaves you wide open for all sorts of possibilities.

So how does everyone view rewrites? Is it a chance to make your story stronger? Or is it something that would give you nightmares?

Bad Boys

Here's an interesting question for you: what bad stuff do you think a hero can get away with doing?

The crit group and I were discussing this as I have an ms with a bad boy in it, a bad boy who has left all the bad stuff behind physically but not mentally. Now I'm talking about his teens here, where he went off the rails and got into some trouble. He pulled himself out of it and is now a successful businessman (aren't they all?) but he still feels guilty about this stuff - especially as the heroine persists in thinking he's a great guy but doesn't know about some of the things he did (no this is not the whole of the conflict by the way, it's just a layer).

What I wanted to know was what's acceptable in terms of 'bad stuff'? Obviously violence towards women and kids is a huge no no. So what else? It has to be something that he would feel very bad about but not serious enough to warrant being arrested and going to jail for years and years. And clearly needs to leave him still feeling awful as an adult. The crit group gave me some great ideas but what I'd like to know is what is your particular line in the sand? Is it drugs? Violence (unfemale related)? Alcohol related crimes? Robbery?

Or is it all in the execution?

Kreativ Blog Award

Both Kaily Hart and Romy Sommer have nominated me for a Kreativ Blog award - thanks for the kudos guys! - so I'd better get on with it eh? I have to reveal 7 interesting things about me and pass it on to 7 other bloggers. Righto...

7 interesting things about me (well, at least semi-interesting):

1. I took singing lessons and entered competitions (wearing my Doc Martens) when I was in my 20s. Singing opera. Needless to say I don't sing any more, except to my iPod and not opera. I actually still like opera but these days I'm a bit more alternative. ;-)

2. I am a gadget girl (surprise, surprise). Love my iPod, my iPhone, and my PC. I'm now after an ereader.

3. I play computer games. Not so much these days now I write, but I used to love playing The Sims and any fantasy adventure game. I also quite like playing Halo on the xBox (but only with my friends whom I can shoot).

4. I used to swim competitively in my teens. And I hated it (though I still love swimming for fun) which is why I quit.

5. I can ski moderately well. A fact that continues to surprise me whenever I put on a pair of skis as I'm useless with most sports!

6. I love reading Science Fiction. I have umpteen dozen beginnings for many SF stories but never finished any of them. Combining SF and romance would be the best. Sadly M&B have no SF Romance category.

7. I travelled quite a bit when I was overseas years ago. The most unusual place I went to was St Petersburg for two weeks. This may or may not be interesting but I don't meet many Kiwis who have been to Russia.

Seven blogs to nominate (and I'm nominating people here who may not have had this award yet):

Lorraine Wilson
Rachel Johns
Maisey Yates
Joanne Cleary
Judy Jarvie
Suzanne Jones
Lacey Devlin

Heeeerrrre's Jackie!

Hey everyone, I'm back. After 10 days of sea, sand, sandcastles and waaaay too much bubbly, it's back to reality again. To the right there is a small picture of Pataua, the little beach settlement where my husband has a family beach house. It was built by his grandfather way back in the 1930's so it's no palatial mansion. It's what we call a typical Kiwi bach - no TV, tank water which means no showers, no broadband (sniff), and a long drop loo. Oh, okay, there is a flushing loo there now but the long drop is still going. ;-) Anyway, it's pretty much fabulous, made even better by the fact that my iPhone still appeared to receive emails! Yes, I am a very sad person that I cannot even be away one week without checking.

The other sad thing about me is that I cannot even be on holiday without writing. I finished re-writing the rest of Cat and Sean's story while I was away. I just got all inspired. It requires a tremendous amount of editing but the bones are there which is very cool. AND I got a new story idea too. Great holiday or what?

I also did some reading and may I say that Natalie Anderson's To Love, Honour and Disobey (out on ebook via M&B UK) is one fabulous read. Really believable characters, great conflict, fab story. So go out and buy it. Yes, go on. Right now. :-)

As for me, I now have to decide which of my many projects to get on with. I have five... ;-)

Chocks Away!

It's done. Cat and Sean are winging their way to London. Hope they like it over there. Hope the ed likes them. They're really a lovely couple. Much nicer now I know them properly. Sean has been re-alpha'd because the ed warned me not to make him too good. And Cat has been de-immatured.
They have issues though, issues they really need to work through, and I hope they get the chance for their HEA.

Seriously, one thing I'll say for this partial is that it's waaay better than the last one. At least, I think it is. And that's mainly because I know my characters a lot better. Those character bios were a godsend and I can't think why I didn't do them earlier. Maybe one day I won't need them but for now, until I get a handle on this conflict drama, I'll do one for each new story. Before I start writing.

Right, so now I can kick back and relax on the beach holiday we're going on tomorrow. For maybe five minutes. :-) Will get web withdrawal I'm sure of it - which is why I'll be visiting the local WIFI hotspot frequently. Am also taking my trusty laptop so I can rewrite the rest of Cat and Sean's story in the hope they'll want the rest of it. Nothing like starting 2010 with a bit of optimism!

Hope you all have a lovely week or two. Here's to NTAI!