Angry Birds

Okay so no, haven't had any news since that email from the ed last week. And am feeling frustrated today. The progress of this story feels somewhat akin to Chinese Water Torture and I'm wondering whether in April, when they told me the story needed to be rewritten, I should have just accepted the story wasn't right and subbed something fresh. But no, I had to go and prove that I could rewrite if they wanted me to. Just to show them I could. And what did I do? I wrote a good first chapter - yeah, they liked it - but somehow, in chapters 2 and 3 I broke it. I really, really thought that whatever failings there might be with the partial, at least it would warrant a request for the rest of it. But not even that is forthcoming.

Eight months on since I first subbed the synopsis to this story and I really wish I hadn't bothered rewriting it. But because I did, I've just prolonged the agony by another four months. The VoD is, of course, telling me it's an R. The VoD is telling me I can't rewrite, and not only can I not write a story they'll want to buy, I'll NEVER write a story they'll want to buy.

Honestly, today is a 'why on earth am I bothering with this sh*t?' kind of day.

Anyway, why the Angry Birds? Okay, well, this morning as I checked the email on the iPad and realised that there was no email from the ed (again), in my frustration and in a desperate bid to NTAI, I started up a little app called Angry Birds. It's a game where you have to fire a little bird from a catapult at an edifice that protects a little pig. Your aim is to crumble the edifice and pop the pig. It's horribly addictive and quite ridiculous. Sometimes the edifices are complicated and it takes forever to pop all the pigs and complete the level. Very frustrating. You see where I'm going with this? Yes, this stupid publishing journey of mine is a lot like playing Angry Birds. No matter how complicated the edifice you have to collapse, no matter if you've popped all the pigs but one, no matter how close you are, you still fail the level. And so you have to try again if you want to complete the game.

So here I am, still trying to complete the game. And I'm going to pop all those pigs if it's the last thing I do.

The Terrified Optimist

I always thought I was a glass half empty kind of person. But just over the past couple of days, I've realised that in fact, I'm not. I'm not even a glass half full kind of person. I'm actually a glass overflowing with the sparkling Waters of Immortality kind of person. I am, deep down, an over the top, complete and utter instinctive optimist. Except the problem with my optimism is that I'm terrified of it. Why?

Because I've always been a person who has very high expectations and the problem with high expectations is that you are inevitably destined for disappointment. And I've had a lot of disappointments. So to help cope with my over the top optimism, I have developed the Voice of Doom (hmmm, could be a good conflict here. I could put this in a story. Can't switch the writer off eh?). So when I send off a sub, the over the top, incurable optimist inside me is going 'what if they like this so much, they ring me tomorrow and offer to buy it??'. But this is bad because this will never happen, so up pops the Voice of Doom with, 'Idiot. Don't even think that. You'll be lucky if they don't reject it.'. And experience has backed up the Voice of Doom so I listen to it. I'm afraid of thinking good things about my submissions in case I'll be disappointed. Because if you expect the worst, then when it comes it won't hurt, right?

Which is why, when my CPs happen to tell me my latest chapter is great or that my idea for a new story is good, I go 'Thanks. I kind of like it. But I don't know whether the eds will like it or not'. That's the Voice of Doom talking down my OTT optimist who is bouncing around going, 'Yeah! I love it too! It's instant sale time!'. The VoD also fits in quite nicely with the Kiwi way of talking ourselves down all the time, so really, I can't win. The VoD wins every time.

Anyway, long way of saying the VoD was not helpful on Friday night when I received an email update from the ed about my partial. It wasn't a bad email but it wasn't a good email either. It was a 'something's not quite working with your partial and I'm getting a second opinion' email. The VoD immediately told me it was a rejection because the last time a second opinion was had, it was a rejection. And this time the OTT optimist is in the corner, lip wobbling, going 'what? How can something so brilliant not be working?'

Yeah, well, I don't know either. I thought I had done better than that but clearly not. Of course, since I subbed the partial, I've realised that there are pacing issues that need to be addressed and probably a bit more layering in needs to be done, but surely it's not that bad that it's another rejection? Does it have to be absolutely perfect and revision free in order to get a request for a full? And what about the synopsis? The last time I was asked for the full, I had a crap synopsis and a story with no internal conflict so does this mean my current sub is worse than that? Why is the ed being so hard on me?? Wahhh!!

*small violin plays tragic music*

You can hear the VoD assuming it's an R can't you? Fact is, it's an update, nothing more. It could mean an eventual R or it may be revisions. I won't know until I hear back. But I know I shouldn't compare this ms with ones that I've subbed before, or what happens with other people, but human nature being what it is, I do. And I wonder if I've really got what it takes after all.

I should probably stop before the VoD takes over completely but you should know that the OTT optimist hasn't been squashed utterly. As I went to the conference on Saturday morning wondering what on earth I was doing there since I clearly didn't have what it takes to be a proper author, a little voice inside of me was going 'oh well, better polish up Three Days in case it's an R. That has got to be the one'.

PS: in terms of the Very Soon Sweepstake, does this mean I've 'heard'? Or should it be in the final decision, whatever that may be?

Remembering the Affair to Remember - NZ Conference

Back from my conference marathon - the NZ conference has just finished and I'm now, officially, shattered. Think this conference was harder mainly due to the fact that I was the Registrar and was running around stressing that I had everything right. Was not helped by the fact that my useless spreadsheet skills had mucked up some of the pitch times... Argh!! Anyway, highlights...

Jane Porter gave a workshop on using your own experiences in your writing and also spoke on the importance of emotion in your stories. Weren't we lucky?? She is one fabulous woman, not to mention incredibly honest about her own life. I don't know if I'd be comfortable talking about my divorce with a bunch of strangers but she made everyone choke up when she did. I overcame my shyness to say hello (oh, okay, Maisey made me) but not enough to get her to hold Hoo while I took a photo. :-)

Another big highlight was the wonderful Natalie Anderson's workshop on writing great love scenes. Now, I like writing love scenes, I've been told I do them moderately well, and I thought I probably didn't need to learn anything about them. Oh the arrogance! Natalie gives great workshop and boy did I learn some things that although I kind of knew intellectually already, I suddenly 'got' in a way I hadn't before! Does that make sense? There was a particular piece of advice that clicked for me and that was about trying to think of one word that sums up the whole love scene. I over complicate things terribly so thinking of one word made it suddenly seem a whole lot simpler. And that word is the emotional underpinning for the scene itself. Your characters don't just involve their bodies in the scene, it's thinking of how they feel during it. It's not just about desire. Are they scared? Are they anxious? Are they relieved? And if so, how does this affect the way they make love? I've been struggling with my current WIP, wanting the love scene to go in a certain way and it's been difficult because I suddenly realised during Natalie's workshop that I'm forcing them to make love in a way they wouldn't because emotionally they're not ready for it. Woohoo! Of course, it means more rewriting but that's fine. Hehe.

What else? I met the very generous and lovely Rachel Bailey who gave me lots of fabulous encouragement and advice - can't wait to read her book! I also pitched to Dianne Moggy who told me to enter the story into the New Voices comp and was very encouraging about working with an editor.

There was heaps more but my brain has reached overload point and I probably need to go somewhere quiet and have a wee lie down (not to mention unpack my goodie bag!). :-)

More on Sydney

So, did I have any goss from the Aussie conference? Not as far as hot M&B goss goes and believe me, my ears did a lot of flapping. :-) Dianne Moggy, the Harlequin VP, gave a great talk about how well Harlequin was doing and did mention a new line that had a 'broader editorial direction' but there was no further info about that. I wondered if it was Riva she was talking about. Certainly the news I heard about Riva is that no one knows quite which direction it'll head in. Which, like I said in my previous post, is actually quite exciting. As far as I can tell, the same editorial guidelines remain in place but I reckon if you make sure your hero is alpha, your conflict is internal, and your story is character rather than plot driven, that does leave you with a lot to play with.

So what else? Editors were all saying 'we don't know quite what we want but we'll know it when we see it' which is - as always - very helpful! :-) The agents there made a good case for getting one. I wasn't thinking about an agent as Harlequin's contracts are all boilerplate but then again, an agent can help a little with nudging when you've been waiting a while. Very tempting to me at this particular point in time but from what I've heard, getting an agent is even harder than getting published so I don't know.

Went to a great discussion panel with lots of Blaze/Presents/Desire authors who were just a bunch of fabulous ladies. I asked a question about settings for Blaze and whether locations other than North America were acceptable and this seems to be okay, with the proviso that Blaze sells to a primarily North American market so nothing that's way too different. I also asked another question about acceptable language when it came to - ahem - love scenes. Seems to be what one author can get away with, another can't. All up to the editor I think. Best quote about that came from Sarah Mayberry who said that if you're going to use an expensive word then make it count!
Interesting since, in my opinion, MH heroes are supposed to be younger and I don't know about you, but all the young guys I know do not say, 'oh bother' when something isn't going their way. Even damn is waaaay too wussy. ;-)

I did get to speak to some other authors though, who were all without fail very, very lovely. One newly sold author had been writing and submitting for eleven years before she made her first sale this year. Each step on the request/revise process took six months. So I stopped whining pretty quickly. ;-) But her advice? Same advice as Hoo gives out and what I tell myself the times I'm not throwing myself on the ground in a tantrum - never, ever give up.
On that happy note, I leave you with a few more piccies:

Here we are in our finery for the cocktail evening. Becca, Rach and Janette are at the back while Miss Thing (moi) there is lolling at the front.


On the right is the Leah, Janette, Rach looking very glam, and some old biddy who decided to get in on the act. ;-)




And lastly, just in case you were thinking of giving up, here is Hoo. He's got a whip and he's not afraid to use it!

PS: No, no news!

Seednee!

Or Sudnuy (if you're a Kiwi). But, anyway, main thing is, after a fabulous week away in Australia, I'm back! Was hoping to post while I was away but was seriously hampered by the lack of decent wireless. What's up Australia? It's as bad as Kiwi-land and that's saying something. ;-)

Did lots of sightseeing stuff with the family (and that was very cool) but definitely the highlight was the RWAus conference in Sydney. And the best part of that was meeting up with two of my CPs, the wonderful and very talented Rachel Johns and Janette Radevski. Honestly, these are two fabulous women and meeting in real life was just such a wonderful thing. I also got to know some other extremely talented ladies such as Becca Heath and Leah Ashton, plus a whole lot of other wonderful women who write and love category. As you can see from the rather blurry photo of Janette, Rach and myself, many martinis were drunk... ;-)

The conference was also a fabulous opportunity to meet some truly wonderful authors. I got to speak to say hello to Kelly Hunter who is one of my favourite Modern Heats authors. I asked her what she thought about the changes coming up with the new Riva line and she thought it was exciting, a chance to do something really different. Scary, yes, for those of us who have followed the guidelines faithfully but personally I really like the thought of doing something different. It's certainly a challenge - one of the big things that most people at the conference agreed was that writing category was an artform.

And if course Hoo came too - he wouldn't miss it for the world. Here he is at the dinner with Oppo, who is a great friend of Becca's. Hoo and Oppo spent all night talking to each other - couldn't drag them away.

Lastly, because there is more but I'm tired and need to go to bed, I'll leave you with a wee pic of myself in my hastily pulled together cocktail evening costume. I'd heard the Aussies go all out and since Kiwis don't really do the dress-up thing much, I thought I'd better make an effort. So after a dash around Paddy's market, I threw together a look that was supposed to reflect Fantasy Island or your own private fantasy. I don't know quite what I was trying to achieve here - Debbie Harry crossed with Jackie Collins I think - but all were agreed that the wig was a hit. :-)
Anyway, more anon...

Very Soon Sweepstakes Update

The 'Very Soon' sweepstake is nearing the end of its first week and....sorry Janet who picked the 6th. No word for me this morning. :-( So, we'll be entering the second week on Monday so fingers crossed that one of you who picked this coming week will be right.

It's not the best week to be hearing to be honest. I leave for Sydney on Monday and I'm not sure I want to know while I'm on holiday/conference. Especially if I get an R. I kind of like to lick my wounds in private and I can see it putting a huge damper on my holiday. Wahhh, poor me. Dr Jax has promised to vet my email for me just in case and I will be complaining loudly and long to Rach and Janette (be warned guys!) so that helps too.

Anyway, I have no idea what the ed will actually say, but I have come to the conclusion that Modern Heat is one of the harder categories to break into. It's not a clear cut line like some of the others and I suspect, once the line changes to Riva and they see how its selling, the editorial direction may change. Not that I know or anything, just a suspicion. They have said they want 'different'. But what is 'different'? I think the New Voices comp is an indication that they themselves don't really know until they see it. They want public input from readers about people's chapters which I guess means that they want to see what kind of stories resonate with people and which won't. Scary huh?

Well, if there's one thing that I think matters with category as it is now, it's voice. There's not much in the way of originality in plotlines in romance but the way you CAN make it original is the way you write. And of course, including what the eds have recommended like new spins on old conflicts, 21st century issues, etc , etc. The trick is to do all that within the category guidelines. Who said writing category was easy again??

POTW - Angry Young Man

Marlon Brando. At Seven Sassy Sisters. Nuff said.

How Soon Is Now (Including Hot Love Scenes)

Getting a real theme going here with song titles as blog posts. And today's is courtesy of one of my fave late 80s, early 90s bands, The Smiths. Thanks Morrissey. It occurred to me because now is not soon. And 'very soon' is not now. So sadly Lacey, you're out of the running. :-)

But the rest of you are still in there. Better think of a prize!

Alrighty, so, what's happening writing-wise? I'm still writing my soldier story and liking it very much. Though I have to say, the love scene is in its second iteration which is a bit weird for me. Usually I try and get down that first draft as fast as possible because if I fiddle with it too much, I never finish it. So if something's not going right, I skip it and go onto the next scene. But I simply couldn't go any further until I'd got this at least semi-right because it does set the emotional tone for the rest of the book. And, yes, okay, I confess, I really, really like writing love scenes. There's something delicious (not to mention hot) about making your characters vulnerable to each other and seeing how each of them deals with that vulnerability.

And speaking of love scenes, here's something to make you jealous. I'm lucky enough to be going to a session at the RWNZ Conference,taken by the fabulously talented Natalie Anderson with tips on writing hot. Now if you've ever read any of Natalie's Modern Heat, then you'll understand why this woman knows what she's talking about. She can write hot like damn and woah. Can't wait to try out some tips on my characters! Hehe.

Anyway, the thing about love scenes is that they are relative. One woman's phwoar is another's ewww. I know this is a terribly personal question but what do you like in a love scene? No, not the details, but in general. Does lots of talking turn you off? Or do you prefer joking around? Do you even like reading them or skip them entirely? Me, I like lots and lots of sexual tension initially, then a really hot scene - not too short please! Oh and it must be sensual. Can't get into it at all if all five senses are not being utilised... ;-)

Bad Romance

I know it's a Lady Gaga song but hey, it's just crying out to be used as a blog post title too. ;-) And hey, my writing is all crap at the moment so it's a fitting title. Anyway, I've been slack on the blog front. Mainly due to the massive plunge into 'why do I bother' territory. Been 11 weeks now since I sent off my two chapters. Not very long really (you really know you're a writer when 11 weeks becomes 'not very long'). I kind of hoped I'd hear sooner because two chapters isn't even a full partial but....well....not as the case may be. Still, I did email her to ask about the New Voices comp and whether I should enter and she did reply. Apparently the experience should be fun and I should give it a go. I don't know if will yet. Depends on how much of a masochist I am and considering my feelings about writing at the moment, I'm thinking not. But, well, you know me, up and down ALL the time so by September I may be feeling entirely differently.

Oh and the ed told I would be hearing 'very soon' about my sub.

Anyone want to take a bet on how long 'very soon' is?

In fact, I think I might run a wee sweepstake to help with the NTAI. Post how long you think 'very soon' is and the person who guesses the closest to when I hear back will win a prize. Don't know what that prize may be - probably a book or something. Oh and depending on how long 'very soon' is, you may be waiting a while to hear who wins...;-)

Note: Yes, I'm complaining. Yes, I know I should be patient. But a little vent now and then doesn't hurt. I'm even feeling better now for having done this blog post.

Demotivation

Not much happening here. Again. I'm extraordinarily demotivated today, hence the demotivator above.

Still, I started a new story - bad me - 'cause I was thinking about the New Voices competition but the ed told me not to enter the last one so I'm wondering whether it's the same deal this time round. Then again, apart from the Feel the Heat comp, I haven't had much luck with any other competitions I've entered so I'm wondering if I really need something else to depress myself with. Probably not.

On the other hand there is the brand new iPad. And can I tell you it's the perfect NTAI device. As long as you don't put it down. But that's okay cause after buying the Plants vs Zombies game, I actually haven't put it down. Or even thought about waiting. Until I realised I had to do a blog post of course. Sigh.

Been trying to be good and think of other things. Like the Aussie conference in two weeks which I will be going to for the first time. Yay! Get to meet my great non-Sister CPs and buddies Rach and Janette!! Woohoo. And then there will be the RWNZ conference that week after that which will be heaps of fun too.

And that's about the size of it. Who else is entering the competition then?

The iPad and NTAI

I did a little post about NTAI and the iPad on the Sisters' blog if you want to know about how I'm coping with my wait on the NES. And yes, still waiting. :-)

www.sevensassysisters.com

I Am Not a Number - Or Collection of Character Traits!

Another slow news day in Jackie land. To NTAI, I'm concentrating on thinking about the iPad which is finally being released in NZ on Friday. And yes, I'm going to get one. I'm such a gadget girl, I can't help myself. iPad wins over shoes any day in my book.

Anyway, on the writing front, after a great virtual coversation with the talented Lacey, I got to thinking about characters and character sheets. Now, the ed I'm working with sent me quite a good one that provided me with a great starting point. And not just favourite foods and things but questions like; Why is the hero the best person for the heroine? Why is he the worst? What's good about him? What's bad? What does the heroine like about him? What doesn't she like? etc etc. All good material. But there can be a problem with character sheets in that if you're not careful, you'll end up with a character who is just a bunch of traits, not an actual person.

For example, you might have given your heroine a shy trait but decided she's also going to be an actor. Now this may be what you'd plotted out for your story, but would a shy person really choose acting as a profession? And here's where you have to think deeper - perhaps they would, perhaps she's very shy and by choosing acting, she's trying to prove something to herself. What is she trying to prove? Who is she trying to prove it to? How does her shyness impact on the story? In other words, is it part of her character or have you given her that trait because it makes a scene work better?

In essence, every trait you give them is a building block constructing the kind of person they are. And all the building blocks work together, you can't treat them in isolation. I've done the old 'quick, my heroine needs to be stroppy in this scene' trick where I suddenly give my previously quiet, shy heroine a 'take no crap' trait. And then find that to get her to act like this, I have to add a whole lot of things in order to get the desired response from her. Can you say 'making my characters move to fit the plot'? :-) This is where consistency comes into it because you can't just add a character trait for one scene and then never have it appear again. For the shy heroine, you have to ask yourself is shyness part of who she is? Is it central to the story? Is it part of what she needs to change about herself? Is it really necessary for her to be shy?

I think that while character sheets are a good place to start, there comes a time when you need to look at all the traits, likes/dislikes, family background etc, and figure how they all work together in order to make this person come alive. Have you added things just for the sake of it? How will an impatient heroine act? Does this affect your story? How has her impatience affected her life? Is her impatience a flaw that may cost her the hero? Does she overcome it or learn to deal with it? Or have you just added it so she catches the bus an hour earlier and so meets the hero?

Anyway, the character sheets have been great in that they get me thinking about the character before I start writing and now I'm much better at constructing an actual person with a background instead of the cardboard cutouts I used write. But now I don't use them so much as writing a brief bio that I add to as I get to know the character better. Anyone else find them useful?

BTW: If you're wanting more insight into conflict, Kate Walker is doing a great Q&A on her blog.

Oops I Did It Again

If you're here wanting a dose of Brittney, then pop back to Google again - ain't no Brittney on this blog. However, if you're here with romance writing in mind and feeling like you keep making the same mistakes over and over again then join the club 'cause that's exactly where I am now.

My soldier story, for which I have abandoned the other WIPs, is giving me gip. The first inkling I had that perhaps things were not all quiet on the Western Front was when I was brainstorming a couple of ideas to throw my hero and heroine together, one of the crit group wondered what was wrong with the lead characters thinking each other was hot and hooking up. And I thought, 'yeah, what's wrong with that?', at the same time as thinking about complex reasons for my heroine to contact the hero again. Groan.

I guess I should be glad my instincts were right - something wasn't working but I couldn't figure out what the problem was. And then after a chat with Dr Jax who is the canary in the coal mine when it comes to me overcomplicating stuff, I figured out that - yep, you guessed it - I was overcomplicating stuff. Making them too self aware. AGAIN!! Argh!!!

Fact is they don't need complicated reasons to hook up with each other. Okay, so they don't want a relationship, they don't want to fall in love, but falling in love and relationships are not the first thing they think of when they meet. All they're thinking is 'hey, you're hot, I want to see you again'. It doesn't matter if there aren't concrete reasons for them to do so, as long as the characters can justify it to themselves. The reader knows the real reason - they're attracted to each other. So my heroine Niamh doesn't need heaps of external conflict in order to get her to ask the hero to be her date, all she needs is to be able to justify it to herself. She may not want to acknowledge the real reason, that she's attracted to him and wants to spend time with him, but she can tell herself she's asking him because she hates going alone to these things. Or that his presence will stop someone hitting on her or whatever. As long as her justifications are within keeping of her character, then that's all you need.

Sigh. I don't know why I keep doing this. I guess my problem is that subconsciously I'm thinking that being attracted to someone is waaaay too simple a reason and so I have to add all these other reasons in there. In the same way I overcomplicate my conflict because I think that falling in love is too simplistic a way to solve all their problems. Thing is, it doesn't solve everything. But this is category and for the characters, in that moment in time, it does solve the the conflict that you've given them. There simply isn't the word space to explore other tangents or strands to the conflict.

Ah well, at least I've sorted it out now before I've written more than two chapters. Anyone else have mistakes they keep making? I hope I'm not the only one!

The Glory of the 80s

I'm over at the Sisters blog today with my very own Peek of the Week. It's a theme so prepare yourselves for...

Peeks of the 80s!

It's a festival of hair folks so you have been warned.

Here's a Johnny Depp teaser anyway...

Don't Call Me Baby

Well, feeling very jealous about all the conference stuff going on. What with RNA and then RWA, little ole NZ is feeling very far away from everything! Luckily next month there will be the RWAus Conference in Sydney, which I am attending for the first time. Be so cool to see my CPs Rach and Janette in real life instead of just via email. I'll probably get all tongue tied and won't know what to say! Anyway, the week after that we have the RWNZ Conference here in Auckland and that will be way cool too. So I guess I shouldn't feel left out. Anyway, will be blog stalking for gossip from those who attended RNA so I hope some of you guys will be posting updates!

But news on the writing front? Nada. I am instead working on my next sub which is, I have to say, one of my favourite stories. Yes, it's been in a constant state of rewriting ever since I first wrote it for NaNo in 2008, but it finally is starting to look more and more like the story it should have been in the first place. That doesn't mean, of course, that it'll be accepted, but I really hope it will be! I've also started another story and I have to say, I've forsaken my other wips for this one because I LOVE my hero. He's an ex-soldier and woah is he hot. At least I think so. He's alpha (natch), very protective, and - on the surface - laid back. But of course the heroine is going to get under his skin something chronic and then it'll be no more Mr Nice Guy. Hehe.
Now all I have to do is think up a plot!

Anyway - the real point of my post guys - in my blog perambulations recently, I came across a post about pet-names (can't remember where sorry!). It was really interesting seeing what people's favourites were and what were their irritants. Interesting because I've realised that in every one of my stories, my hero has a pet name for the heroine. Now, I'm a fan because they can be very useful, epsecially for the purposes of riling said heroine. They can be first used ironically, if it's that kind of story, or they can be used to expose deeper feeling in quite a subtle way, ie the hero calling her by an endearment can reveal quite a lot about their feelings for each other - especially if this is unspoken in most other ways. Even more interestingly, I've realised that my heroines don't reciprocate. Which I'm going to remedy for my soldier hero - have the perfect name for him. One he won't like at all. Heehee!

So pet names: love 'em? Hate 'em? What don't you like?? For myself, I'm not a fan of baby or babe. I don't know why, it just feels too casual. It's not even about the infantilising aspect of it either, because I read a great story by Trish Wylie where the hero calls the heroine 'little girl' and I found that very sexy!

*the book is One Night with the Rebel Billionaire and it's great!

Drama Queen Gets Well Deserved Slap Round the Head

Ahem. Have to apologise for the whine-fest that was the last post. My only excuse is that I was feeling particularly low and was kind of daring the universe to see what would happen if I gave up. And the universe responded with a stop whining, pull yourself together and get on with it message. Thanks heaps guys. This blog and all the people who read it (lurkers and commenters alike) plays a huge part in keeping me going when things get difficult (CPs too!). Those comments help me put things in persepective, get me out of the hole. And yeah, tough love is GOOD (thank you Julie Cohen!). I need tough. Because this is hard and no place for wusses. It's like a never ending World Cup tournament where you're North Korea, playing every team in creation, in the hope of getting through to the finals. And where every game ends with penalty shoot-outs! (sorry, blame the World Cup madness for that particular analogy!). Oh and as for the trying for two years comment - PATHETIC!! Some people have been trying for 20!!

Anyway, I'm a Kiwi and Kiwis are bl**dy tough. Wussy talk about giving up is NOT the Kiwi way (thank you Kerrin!). Real Kiwis stop complaining, put their big girl panties on, and get stuck in. So that's what I'm going to do. I'll stop obsessing over the NES (Natalie, I'm trying to forget about it!) and get stuck in with finishing all the WIPs I've got lying around.

So, to get the positive vibes rolling, I'm going to ignore the things I have problems with in my writing, and list two good things about it:
1. I write kick-ass dialogue.
2. I can write smoking hot love scenes.

What about you guys? Tell me two good things that you're good at - and it's writing here folks. I don't want to hear about how great you are at vacuuming.

Note: I'm not giving up whining forever though, okay? I still reserve the right to whine a little when the occasion demands. All those who aren't comfortable with it, look away. ;-)

One Percent

Another slow news day in Jackie land. Or should I say another day of stressing out about the NES (Never Ending Story). I should be consoling myself with another WIP but that well seems to have dried up. I've hit the wall in other words. And as such, the question needs to be asked - how long do I keep going?

I haven't been submitting long (or at least, not long in this business) - over two years. I'm on my 6th submission, including 2 contest entries. I have lots of ideas still and lots of mss that need finishing. But I'm not sure how much emotional energy I have left. And that's the killer really. A nice analogy that I've heard from Dr Jax is what they say about anaesthetists - the job is 99% boredom, 1% sheer terror. That sums up for me quite nicely what happens with unpublished writers too. A large percentage of the time is waiting and then there's that horrible moment when you can see the email in your inbox - that's the 1% of sheer terror right there.

I've tried to explain that 1% to Dr Jax and he hasn't really understood. Until last night. He's a Dutch supporter for the World Cup and was stressing about the semi-final big time. And so I told him that that's how I feel EVERY morning I download my email. He said, "God, how you do stand it?" And you know what? I don't know how I stand it. Cause it's getting pretty boring feeling like that I can tell you.

I don't know what I'll do if this ms is rejected. I have another ready to go but at this stage, I'm not sure I have enough emotional reserves left to bear the sub process all over again. And this isn't just me I'm thinking about here either, this includes the family and friends and CPs who have to deal with me during this process. I'm not easy to say the least. Think the Incredible Hulk - you wouldn't like me when I'm waiting on a submission. :-)

Well, I always knew this was hard and maybe if I hadn't had all that early success, I may have been better equipped for the long haul. There's definitely something to be said for a slow building success. I started out with a blaze of glory, only to fizzle out. Which is when you start to question yourself and everything you do.

So what do you do when you hit the wall? What will be your limit? When will you say enough's enough? I always thought my answer will be never. But never is looking like an awfully long time right now.

The Never Ending Story

It would have been nice to start the weekend off with some news - but I don't have any news. Sigh. I guess me having to update the synopsis has put a spanner in the works. I was really, really hoping that it wouldn't but maybe the day she'd set aside for my partial was the day she didn't have the updated synopsis and so chapters 2 - 3 remain unread. Deeper sigh.

This story is something I really wondering if I'm doing myself any favours with. It all started back in October 2009 when I suggested I send the ed the synopsis for approval first. This was for a story I'd initially written (twice) in 2008. She agreed and so I spent a week trying to get it right. Rewrote the synopsis 6 times. Sent it in. Ed said 'back to the drawing board I'm afraid'. This is now November. She suggested I send her some character bios. So I did. December she said they looked good, could she now see the first three chapters and a synopsis. Happy me. I wrote them and sent them at the very beginning of January. Cue four months waiting. April, the ed suggested substantial rewriting. Big wahs from me. Then she suggested she look at my first chapter first. Slightly happier me. I rewrote the partial but after having had it critiqued, realised I'd done a crap job so I rewrote it again (5th time all up). Sent in my first chapter. Ed liked it! Very, very happy me. Send the other two, she said. So I did. Six weeks later she'll get back to me by the end of this week. Um, story is different now, says I. Would you like an updated synopsis? Yes, indeed, says the ed. Tears, tantrums, loud complaints of giving up, wailings and gnashings of teeth later, I rewrote the synopsis (number 7). Thumbs down after a critique. More wailings, tearings of hair, blood on the keyboard. Rewrite again (number 8) and sent it.

Silence.

So there you have it, the story of the of the Never Ending Story. Have I been an idiot for pushing this story so hard? Should I have told the ed to forget it in April and sent her something new? Will I even get to send the rest after nine months of it sitting at the partial stage? Am I, in fact, any good at writing at all or am I deluding myself that I can do this?

Sigh. I am pushing it I guess because I want to show them I can rewrite if necessary. Or maybe all I've shown them is what a huge mess I've made of it.

I guess the problem has been that I have a strong voice that needs to be reined in sometimes. And the other - I've finally figured out - is that I am trying to fit single title conflict into a category book. What I mean by that is that I overcomplicate by conflicts. They never just have one strand, they're always multi-faceted. Not good for a category length novel. I've also realised that the reason I give them complex conflict is that I feel that falling in love solving their problems makes it too simple. So I give them more problems. And so overcomplicate. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I know, these are love stories. Fantasies. Of course falling in love doesn't solve all their problems. At least, it may not solve all of them, just the main one you've given them at the beginning of the book. Ah well, at least I know now.

Alright, so seeing as I have no news on the Never Ending Story, does anyone have any good goss instead?

Synopsophobia

The ed has let me know that she'll get to my chapters by the end of the week. Big yays! However, when I let her know that my synopsis is now no longer quite so correct, she requested an updated one. Not so big yays. Was this a stupid move on my part? At the moment, currently wrestling with giving her an updated one, I'm thinking that's a resounding yes! Sigh.

The main problem is that it seems to be the general consensus that the partial is more important than the synopsis. Naturally the eds want to know you have a decent story but everyone says that eds understand it can change and are a little bit willing to let things go in this area. Maybe I'm wrong but after having my previous synopsis picked to shreds, I can say that some eds pay more attention to synopses than others. And since that appears to be the case here, I need to make sure my synopsis is as good as I can get it - can't risk her not wanting to see the rest due to doing a crappy job.

Which brings me to my other main problem - I'm not very good at them. A while ago I thought I had the knack - until the ed picked it apart and I realised I didn't. It's so annoying. I know the story so well that I keep trying to include every emotional permutation, overcomplicating things, focussing on the wrong reactions, all sorts of irritating stuff. I know what you need to have in them, I'm just so paranoid about not doing a good enough job that I'm probably over compensating. Definitely a huge case of synopsophobia. I'm telling myself that the pain I'm suffering now will be worth it in the long run and that it will only benefit my story, but sadly that's not much help now.

Anyway, in much happier news, the release date of MaiseyYates' fabulous debut book for Presents/Modern is imminent and the Sisters are having a party. So do pop over for some champagne. In fact, if you love ebooks then His Virgin Acquisition will be available on the M&B site from Thursday, a whole month early! Super big yays for Maisey! You rock girl. Want to write my synopsis for me?? :-)

Missing Something Vital - The Romance!

I've been doing major edits on the wip and after a while I got to thinking that I was missing something. And you know what it was? I forgot the romance. So tied up with making sure there's conflict and tension and whatnot, that I forgot I was writing a romance and these two people have to fall in love! Argh!! Lots of argument. Lots of love scenes. But where was the swoony falling in love bit??
Doh.

Maisey's just done a lovely post about the small moments between the hero and heroine, about those moments of connection. And you need them because otherwise how will we ever get emotionally involved? Why will the black moment be so terrible? Because we can see these two people falling for each other and we know they're made for each other and yet they can't see it yet. But first we have to show the reader these two are made for each other. And that they are falling in love even if they don't realise it themselves.

I reckon that's sometimes what I have problems with. I think that if I create these moments between my characters, they will somehow know what the reader and I know, that it means luuuurve. And then that upsets all my plans because they will run a mile. But you know, just because you have a nice moment with someone doesn't mean you're instantly in love. No, you just think 'wow, what a cool guy'. It's really the build up of all these moments that leads to the realisation - unless you're writing a love at first sight story of course.

Anyway, have given them their moment of connection. And hopefully kept the significance of it from them. Actually, don't know why I'm worried about them finding out. They're both experts at lying to themselves and they continue to do so right up until the end.

So has this happened to anyone else? Got so caught up in conflict and tension on every page that you forget you're writing a romance??