Jackie Contemplates the Mountain

So. Um. Hi. My name is Jackie and I'm a wannbe writer. A romance writer.

Extremely brief history: I started pursuing publication seriously three years ago. Since then, after a brief blaze of glory and the odd flash of brilliance, it's since been a gentle (not) slide into relative obscurity. Yay me.

So here I am, in obscurity, back at square one.

It doesn't look much different since the last time, the couch in the corner is still there and no one's cleaned up the empty dutch courage glasses. The view out the window has changed though. Before, there was a whole lot of fog preventing me from seeing the route I have to take, but it's crystal clear now and boy, that's a bloody HUGE mountain just sitting there. To be honest, it's giving me the sh*ts. In fact, for the past week I've been seriously considering whether I can climb it again. Whether I want to even start climbing it again.

But you know, just because you get a rejection, it doesn't stop the ideas from coming. You can take the writer away from the writing etc, etc. I have been writing for thirty years and I'm not going to stop now.

Still.

It's a pretty big mountain.

I might just sit here and contemplate it for a while.

Someone pass me another glass of dutch courage.

Blog! The Decision!

Thanks everyone who left a comment regarding this blog. It means such a lot to know everyone still likes what I put out there and that I'm helpful in some way, even though at the moment I feel like the biggest fraud in the world.

So, I guess I'd like to say that I'm going to keep going with this blog. Yes, at times, especially the bad times, it's a drain and I wish I didn't have to say I failed. But I think on the whole, it's a 'good' pressure. It's certainly helped me to keep going this far so stopping now, when I probably need to keep going the most, seems shortsighted. Plus, I'm afraid I like all you guys (and lurkers!) far too much to give you up. And yes, I do like writing it! In fact far more than I ever thought I would. So, sorry, you're stuck with me. :-)

There is a couple of things I want to say though because I think I need to say them. Firstly, there may be people who read my blog and wonder at my intensity about this writing business. Yes, I'm an emotional person and I do have a fondness for the dramatic but that's not the sole reason I have found this so very hard. About 8 years ago I lost a family member and afterwards - as you do when this kind of thing happens - I thought to hell with a life half lived, I need to follow my dream, if nothing else to make the pointlessness of the loss mean something (sidenote: hey, conflict alert! Quick, someone nick that as a conflict because if you don't, I will! hehe) . Now, unfortunately with this kind of decision, the dream ends up meaning more than it perhaps should which makes its failure that much harder. I don't know whether I need to step back from this or not, but I have to say, it has driven me much further than I thought I would ever be prepared to go. Still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or not.

Secondly, the Hammer Pants ms. Why was it R'd? Well, its faults were many and myriad. But they all stemmed from the same thing, the thing I have ALWAYS struggled with: it's the conflict stupid. No, the ed didn't say that specifically but she did point out issues in the characters' backstory that I skated over, that I should have dealt with and - as is always the way - you go, 'of course!' Why didn't I do that?' And I didn't because I didn't know what those issues were. Why didn't I know? Because I hadn't ever got a handle on the conflict.

And herein lies the big problem with my writing. I have not 'got' conflict. I've done everything the eds suggested - character biographies, interviews, writing out aspects of their backstories. Everything. I tried SO hard. And I learned heaps in the process. But it didn't work because I have been starting out wrong every time. I still have not understood simple, deep conflict.
And this - I think - is where I am hampered by two things: 1) Up until 2 years ago, I didn't read romance. All I read were fantasy/SF and literary fiction. 2) I like to do things my own way and I like to be different.
Issue number one means I do not have a background in the conventions of genre fiction. I didn't even know what conflict was, let alone the fact that romance novels have to have an HEA. I didn't know that heroes and heroines have to be sympathetic and aspirational and flawed and all those other things, because they don't have to be in literary fiction.
Issue number two means that I want to be different. I didn't want to write those stock conflicts - woman loses father, then loses husband and so is wary of love for example. I wanted my conflicts to be different. But of course, since I had no idea about what conflict was - or rather, I'd grasped some aspects of it, but not others - I didn't know how to make them different. Lastly, I didn't really understand that there's a reason those conflicts pop up again and again - because they work! Duh.

Sigh. So if you take that, add the fear of making things too dark, and you have a recipe for disaster. It's very sad because my dear old Hammer Pants ms was something I wrote 18 months ago. The characters do have life and energy that my most recent stuff doesn't have, which just goes to show how horrible the last year or so has been for my writing. But the main thing Hammer Pants didn't have was conflict. And I knew that. I just wasn't expecting it to win that contest, and I wasn't expecting a request. And I panicked with the partial. But, to be fair, I think even if I hadn't panicked and took the time to do it properly, I STILL wouldn't have got the conflict right. Maybe I needed this rejection in order to learn what I still don't know.

There are those who say I probably shouldn't list my problems like this so publically. That editors/agents may read this and view it poorly. Well, that may be the case. And if there are editors/agents reading this, know that this is me making every effort I can to learn my craft in order to make better stories. But I also wanted to let you guys reading now know that even after working with an editor for so long, there are some things that still don't fall into place. Maybe if I'd fluked one right ms, I may have had the added pressure of having to do a second book in order to handle the conflict issue with more speed. But whatever the case, I didn't fluke it and my luck ran out.

Anyway, so where do I go from here? I don't know. I need to learn about conflict because I suspect my problems with it are not specific to Mills and Boon but to the whole romance genre, and in which case, my other mss will not fly anywhere.

Whatever the case, I have been ordered by Dr Jax to take two weeks off writing. This is a horrible thought, especially as two new ideas popped into my head just yesterday (yeah, can't stop the ideas!) but I'm going to do it. I'll let the ideas percolate and sit there. And maybe if I'm still excited by them, I'll go ahead and write them. But until then, it's no writing for me.

I've also decided to take a week off blogging/blog reading too so apologies if I don't visit you or leave comments. Know that I will be back soon once I've cleared my head and the grief of the lost opportunities isn't quite so raw.

And once again, thank you all so much for reading and for your support. You are all wonderful.

What To Do With This Blog?

Okay, well, here I am. And wondering what the next step is. At this point, you can pretty much take my advice with a whole salt pan because clearly, I do not know what I am doing with my writing.

Actually no, that's bollocks, I DO know what I am doing. I've learned HEAPS in the past year. But what is clear is that the way I am doing it is not right. They say one door shuts and another closes. :-)

Anyway, this does lead me to question whether I want to continue with this blog. And for that I need you blog readers. I pretty much need to know if this crap I spew is of worth to people.

So my questions to you are thus:

1. Do you want to keep reading this blog?
2. If so, what do you like about it that keeps you coming back?
3. Is anything I say worthwhile and useful to you, and now that the M&B door has shut pretty firmly in my face, are you still interested in where I go from here?

Rock Bottom

Well, they didn't the Hammer Pants. I was right all along. It was pants. And the even worse news? It's back to the slush for me.

There really isn't any further to fall right now.

So. Really. Where do I go from here? Where do I want to go from here? Am I any good at all? Or is the universe trying to tell me something and I've been too stupid to listen?

Unpublished! Why It's Awesome

I'm coming up to the mid-March you'll hear back deadline. And I've got that whole love/hate relationship thing going on with the Inbox of Doom. It's mostly hate at the moment, followed by brief, intense bouts of love. Such as waking to find there is NO email from the editor in the mornings - love that! And then, five minutes later, 'argh, there is NO email from the editor! argh! But I need to know!' etc. Hate that.

Anyway, pretty much convinced myself that my submissions totally suck. Both of them. No, truly. Don't get me wrong, I love my Hammer Pants ms. I love my hero who is soooo very bad and love my heroine who gives him what for. But since writing the Chessman, I have learned a whole lot more about letting my characters do what they will, and I'm not sure that has happened with MC Hammer Pants. I hate chapter 3 for example. I want to rewrite that completely and as for the rest of the ms... I'd like to think I've done okay for a full request but, fact is, I may have stuffed up again like I did with the previous ms and they won't want the rest. And I'll be kicked back to the slush.

Doubt is vile.

So to pass the time in Unpublished Author Hell and distract myself from my submission doubt, I've decided to list all the positive things about still being unpublished.

1. I can write what I want.
2. I can write when I want.
3. I have NO deadlines.
4. I don't care what my readers think about my story because I have no readers.
5. I can write a story with characters who don't have to be sympathetic/aspirational/original/flawed. Or not.
6. I can have has much external conflict as I like. And aliens. And guns. And pirates. And a little pink pig called Mavis (and she can be the freaking heroine!).
7. I can have no conflict at all if I want and the story can be two pages long.
8. I can stop writing forever and take up morris dancing instead and no one would care.
9. I can toss my WIP in the bin and it wouldn't matter.
10. I don't have to obssess about whether my book is outselling other people's or worry about royalties or marketing or whether I have enough ideas for another book or whether my second book will be as good as my first or whether I'll be a one hit wonder or whether I'll even sell another book ever again.

Oh and here is a link about why being unpublished is awesome (if you can't handle teh swearz, then don't click it).

Any other currently unpublished peoples out there who can think of some reason why this isn't a bad state to be in? Gotta take the positives where we can huh?





PS. Okay, I'm totally lying, you know that, right? Here's why I'm actually desperate to be published...

Ten Ways to Make Your Heroine Suffer - plus some Pimpin'

Right, I thought I'd do a companion piece to my hero torture list since fair's fair, turnabout etc. Time for the heroine to get her turn. Now, I do find writing teh ladeez a tad difficult - women are so complicated! - so if anyone wants to add to the list or disagree, feel free! And remember this is just a few things you can do to make your characters suffer. The ways are as endless and varied as the conflict... hehe...

1. Give her a hero who is the antithesis of everything she believes in. (He's arrogant and uncaring. I hate him).
2. Make him absolutely physically irresistable to her. (But man, he's soooo hot! Hateful male)
3. Give him one (or more) qualities that she can't help but admire (He's so arrogant! But...he really loves puppies and I can't but like a man who loves puppies).
4.Make him get in the way of her goal. (I want to be head of the corporation? Why is he so determined to stop me? Hateful male!)
5. Have him do something for her that changes the way she thinks about him. (Oh he's such an arrogant SOB. I hate him! But then, he donated all that money to the puppy shelter to keep it running...)
6. Make her fall in love with him. (I hate him so much! But the puppies...wait!...No!....I can't!....Noooooooo!!!)
7. Have him refuse to talk about his feelings (Why doesn't he want to talk about this? I can't understand it. Doesn't he know how important it is?? Hateful male).
8. Have him do something that makes her think he hasn't changed after all (he's completely destroyed my chances of promotion! Why would he do that?? Why do I STILL love him! Hateful male etc..)
9. Get her to make her declaration of love to him only to have it come flying back at her - because of course, it's all got to be on her terms. (He didn't want my ultimatum that I'll marry him only if he stops standing in my way of promotion? What? Why not? Hateful, arrogant male. Why do I still love him? Why???)
10. Make her realise that he isn't the only one who needs to change if she wants to be with him. (Wait! Is being with him more important than being the head of the corporation....? Why do I need to be head of the corporation anyway? I just want to be with him and the puppies! Uh oh...)

If you want to go get some awesome examples of both hero and heroine torture, then go no further than the fabulous Natalie Anderson. I'm doing a bit of pimping for her since she's a fellow Kiwi and her latest release kept me up till 12.30am last night! The End to Faking It was a really emotional, intense, sexy read and I just loved it. Anyway, if you want to go get it, you can from the M&B site or go to Nat's page on FB where she is doing an excellent giveaway. Cue the 'free stuff' woot! Details here.

And of course, if you're of a Modern bent, then Ms Maisey Yates is also a great torturer past compare. Marriage Made on Paper is now out and for really great hero torture, you can't go past The Inherited Bride.

So, anyone have any more handy tips for heroine torture?

My Heroine Hell

So there I was, whipping along with the Chessman, 15k in three days and thinking "I SO rock at this writing thing" etc, etc, when suddenly, at 39k, everything came to a crashing halt. And the problem? My heroine. As you who read this blog know, heroines make me want to tear my hair out. They have to be sympathetic yet flawed. Not so different that the reader can't identify with them, but different enough to stand out from all the other heroines in this world. They have to be aspirational. They have to be someone the reader can imagine being. They have to be strong. They have to be simple (for category, their motivations etc must be simple) and yet more complex than a stereotype. Oh and yes, they have to be original.

Easiest thing in the world. Not.

So, the problem of my heroine was this - I kind of knew bits of her, but there was an element that I was missing that would have solidified her on the page and in my head. Do you know what I mean? It's hard to describe. But the essence was that I realised that all she was doing was reacting to the hero. He'd do something, she'd react. And the problem with that is she wasn't actually taking charge of the plot. It was all being driven by him. Why by him? It's not just because he's an alpha. It's because I knew him. I know what he'd do in a situation, I know his conflict, I know his feelings about things. And so because I didn't really know her, he was taking over, the dear, sweet, darling man (yeah, baby, it's all about the hero).

Now, normally when this happens, I push through and finish the thing and then go back and fix the problem, but this time I figured I really had to stop and do something about my heroine. My black moment wasn't going to work, let alone the HEA, if I didn't know who the hell she was. So I had to figure her out which - as you all know - is not easy.

After much hair pulling, I think the reason why I couldn't get a handle on her is that my initial idea of her was actually too difficult pull off. She was a drifter, someone without any idea of what she wanted to do. She was goalless. The problem with a heroine like that is if she doesn't know what she's doing with her life or what she wants, then neither does the reader. And that's not particularly aspirational or sympathetic. It also plays merry hell with the pace. I'm not saying you can't have a character like this, it's just hard work. And God knows, getting this stuff right is hard enough without giving yourself a difficult character to pull off. Keep it simple stupid. :-)

So, figuring out characters... For me, I have write the whole first draft before I know them. Character interviews, all that kind of stuff doesn't work. It's not until I'm writing that I figure it out. Oh and discussing ideas with the CPs helps a treat too. And all it'll take for me is one suggestion and then suddenly it'll come right (like it did in this instance).

What about you guys? How do you figure out yours? Do you have to write the whole thing first and get to know them as you go along? Or do you know everything before you write?

Oh and my heroine? Yep, figured her out finally. She's a passionate artist who draws graphic novels. And no, they are NOT cartoons...

Attack of the Killer Blahs or I Suck

Blah. Such a great word. Sums up so many things in such a short space. Also correctly and precisely describes my feelings about the tsunami of submission doubt that has dumped itself on my head. I'm at the point where you know you're going to hear back soonish and am trying to resist the lure of re-reading my subs to check things. Re-reading does one of two things: 1. It plunges me into the depths of despair since the sub was obviously crap and why on earth did I think it was any good in the first place? Or 2. It makes me feel incredibly satisfied since the sub is clearly excellent and I will instantly get a contract and why are they taking so long?

Neither of these options are useful, espcially when the last time I settled on option 2 I got a form R. What also doesn't help is the fact that the Hammer Pants ms is now different to the synopsis I sent in. Now apparently this doesn't matter too much since eds know synopses change etc, etc. Well, can I say now that that is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Your synopsis does matter. It matters a lot. And my synopses usually aren't that great in the first place. Why is it you only see such things AFTER the sub has gone? Blah, I say.

Anyway, one thing that isn't blah is The Chessman. If you will note the word meter at the right hand side of the screen, you will see that it has climbed appreciably. Basically in the past three days I have written 15k. Yes, I will be smug a moment since this is the only thing that seems to be doing well. In fact, I'm amazed at how fast the thing is going down. I think there is a reason for it but I might save that for another blog post. Especially as the reason its going down fast is another reason to be down about my Hammer Pants. Argh!

So what do you do when you have a blah moment? Shop? Drink? Eat? Hug random strangers? All four at once?

PS. Big congrats to Leah Ashton who sold her NV book. Good for you, Leah!

A Very Sassy Correspondent

Hey everyone, just thought I'd let you know that we have a new feature on the Sisters' blog - the Sassy Correspondent. Jo Dixon is our correspondent and every Friday at the end of the month she will be doing a guest post. Today is her first post so do pop over and say hi. She is awesome and finalled with me in the RWAus High Five contest. She also has excellent taste in men. :-)

Oh and for those of you looking to achieve mastery in your writing, here is exactly how to do it (link courtesy of the most excellent Trish Wylie. Follow her on Twitter!).
The 30 Steps to Mastery.

For the record, I am at step 18.

Jackie's Character Defining Epiphany

Never let it be said that I am one to dwell (actually I do dwell but I am trying not to do so today). The R has happened, I am now officially over it. Moving right along.

And I am moving right along to a little epiphany I had while having coffee with an awesome writing friend last week. There I was, moaning about my R and generally having a good vent, and the conversation moved on - as it does with writers - to our latest WIPs. Well, I don't know about you but I could bore for New Zealand on the subject of my WIP. My poor friend probably couldn't get a word in edgeways about hers, I was too busy hogging the conversation with mine. Anyway, I digress...

This is my chess player WIP I'm talking about and it's a holiday fling/unexpected baby story. Now, the problem with these is that in order for the baby to happen you have to get the h&h together early (duh). And I could not get my h&h together. Lots of sexual tension but they just weren't feeling it - she wasn't feeling it actually. So my friend asked me a very sensible question. "Why would she sleep with him?" Simple huh? And you know what? All I could think of was 'because he's hot'. Can anyone see the dreaded 'sex without emotion' trap opening up to swallow me??

So, what I had to do was to think of a reason she would sleep with him. Why him, out of all the other hot guys in the world? Why is he the one who really floats her boat? What is it about him? And in thinking about this guy, I suddenly realised a problem that I have got into in the past year or so. I couldn't think of why the heroine would sleep with this guy because I hadn't defined him enough. He was hot, he was cerebral, he liked playing chess but that was about it. And that wasn't enough to make him special to the heroine.

And this is my problem. I've learned a lot of craft in the past year and to be honest, sometimes it paralyzes me. I've got my conflict simmering away in the back of my mind because I'm now deciding this before I write, and when I'm writing that vital first chapter I'm thinking 'now, here's this character's conflict, how does that make him the person he is today? How does he act? What does he think?'. So off I go, writing away, and then I write something down like 'He always hated people who were late'. Nice and definitive and - more importantly - character defining. But then, Jackie thinks 'hmmm, would his conflict make him hate people who are late? Or wouldn't he mind? I don't know'. And so I delete it so I can keep my options open, just in case it turns out that in fact, he doesn't mind people who are late. Can you see my problem here? Every one of these little sentences that define character and I am deleting them because I don't know whether that's how they would act or not. Which is why, when I'm halfway through, I run into the heinous problem of not knowing how my characters would act in a certain situation because I haven't defined them enough! Nightmare.

I like to keep my options open, that's why I've been doing it. What if I need the character to not mind someone being late? If I don't define it, then I can adjust it later. But you know what I'm doing? Dr Jax pointed it out to me - I am tweaking the character to suit the conflict. Making them be who I want them to be and not who they are. And in what are supposed to be character driven stories this is not a particularly good thing to do.

Another part of my worry is that perhaps the reader/editor won't accept a character's beliefs given their particular conflict. Thing is, at this point, I know everything about the character but the reader doesn't. All they know is what you choose to tell them. Hey, if your hero hates people being late then as far as they're concerned he does. They're not thinking 'hmmmm, not sure about that given his conflict.' As long as you give him a good enough reason for hating people who are late, then that's all good as far as the reader goes.

Which brings me to the part that I am hoping will go much better for me. If I define who my characters are - or at least signpost - in that first chapter, authoritatively and with confidence (not 'sometimes he didn't like people being late' or 'he kind of got annoyed with people being late'. Try 'he hated it when people were late') then I will know how they act in certain situations later on. I don't need to go 'wow, what would he do here?' and get stressed about the hundred different ways he could act because I left my options open. There is only one way he would act. The heroine is late and so the hero, because I told people in that first chapter that he hates people who are late, is annoyed with her. I don't need to think 'now, will he be annoyed? Or wouldn't he mind?'. Nope, he's annoyed.

Now, I do think about the mss that did well a lot. What did I do right that time and not in all the others? For the Hammer Pants that won that contest, I'm pretty sure part of it was because I defined the hero and heroine very strongly in those first five pages. Now I wrote that not caring about conflict, not worrying about keeping my options open. And clearly that worked. Of course, I ran into huge problems in chapter two because I hadn't got the conflict right but hey, I had two great characters in those first five pages!

So, what I need to do is find the happy medium. Have an idea of the conflict, but start with the characters. And when conflict and character meet up, tweak the conflict not fiddle with the character!

Dr Jax gave me this little thing piece of advice that probably many of you know already from school/university etc but I think it's great for writing. It serves as a good reminder to me that my job is to tell the reader about my characters right from the get go, so they will then want to read on, and do it in as clear and obvious a way as possible:

Tell them what you're going to tell them. Tell them. Then tell them what you've told them. :-)

SYTYCW - The Aftermath

Things to do with your form R:

1. Print it out then burn it.
2. Print it out, pull it to pieces very, very slowly. Then burn it piece by piece.
3. Print it out, frame it, stick it on your wall and stare at it every day, brooding on your revenge.
4. Print it out, put it on the ground and stamp all over it in sharp stilettos.
5. Print it out, wave your recent contest win certificate in its face screaming 'in your face, form rejection!'
6. Hit the delete key and send it to your Recycle bin, then take out the trash, baby.
7. Do nothing with it. Leave it in your inbox and never think of it again.

Okay, we can safely say that I did not do number 7.

First up, big heaping thanks, gratitude and endless supplies of your favourite tipple to all you lovely people for the hugs and suppportive comments. You guys are - honest to god - the reason I am still here, still writing, still waiting in Unpublished Author Waiting Limbo (UAWL). Without you and the CPs I would have given up and gone home.

Still, I won't lie. Getting a form R for SYTYCW has made me a stupid, blubbery, hopeless mess. It's made me feel like I haven't learned a thing. that I'm going backwards. Now, I know this isn't true. I know there are a hundred and one different reasons for forms, that they can have nothing to do with your writing or your story. That you can't let them get you down, that you need to get over it. I do know all those things. But those are all intellectual responses. It's the feelings that are the tough part to deal with because I am an emotional drama-queen kind of person.

With Rs, I know I have to get to the bottom before I can climb back up the other side. I have to wallow in the sense of failure, the doubt, and, yeah, the jealousy that others are doing better than I am. If I'm lucky my CPs will bear with me while I vent a little bit - because I have to do this as well otherwise it'll eat me up inside. But it's only once I've done all this that I can let it go and start feeling better about it. No, it's not an easy process but it's the way I am and I just have to go with it. Most of the time I come out the other side feeling positive and ready to tackle things again but sometimes the process goes on for longer than a couple of days and it takes me a while to let go of it.

Anyway, it's taken a while for me to let go of this. And I probably still haven't quite yet. It's thrown me into a huge spiral of doubt about my other submissions too. Because how can it not? If you don't get a reason for why something was rejected, then how do you know you haven't repeated it in your other submissions? But that aside, I've had lots of great advice from very wise people about what I should do with this particular sub. I'm still not quite sure where I'm going to take it just yet. I've heard that it's wise to change it if you're going to resub but as I don't know what's wrong with it in the first place, I'm not sure what to change. The writing I'm assuming is not the issue since (yes, I shall blow my own trumpet) the writing has netted several contest placings and a revisions on a full. So I can only assume it was the conflict/characters. Which means changing everything. And I don't know that I want to do that.

I guess I shouldn't pout too much about it though. The sub was me trying a new line, always a bit of a gamble. And it probably didn't help that I was trying to do things a bit differently. It's something I always try and think of when I'm writing a new story - how can I make my story different? The problem with doing different is that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time it hasn't but I guess the fact that I've still got an ed willing to work with me means that somewhere along the track, doing things differently has been a good thing.

In the meantime I have finished the rough draft of another partial, my chess player. Yes, that's something a bit different again, which will either work or it won't. But I guess that's my way of challenging myself. Anyway, that brings the grand total of rough partials to five. How's that for not giving up?

As for that form R, which of those options do you think I did? ;-)

SYTYCW? No, Apparently I Can't

Which means I got an R and a bog standard R at that. Thanks but no thanks, your story was 'not strong enough'. Now, of course, Rs are not new to me. But this has the dubious honour of being the first form R I've ever had. No, I've never had one. Welcome to the jungle, I hear you say. And fair enough, it's probably about time the negative karma comes round to me and balances things out. I have to be honest with you though, I like my own jungle where all my Rs have feedback!

Anyway, there are various negative ways of looking at this:

1. I have learned nothing in the three years I have been honing my craft.
2. My synopsis was NOT the best one I'd ever done, even though I thought it was pretty good (see number 1).
3. I got the line completely wrong.
4. I got the voice completely wrong.
5. The chapter sucked. The synopsis sucked. My writing sucks. I suck.

Or there are the positive ways:

1. They had so many entries and since mine was one of the last, they wanted to get rid of it as quickly as possible so a form was quickest.
2. The wrong editor read it and perhaps someone from the UK office would have been more favourable to it.
3. It was a gamble and it didn't work. Still have two other subs in...

Notice how the negatives outweigh the positives? Still trying to come up with some more positives!

What didn't help is that the ed I have been working with for my Riva subs let me know that she won't be able to get back to me till mid-March. It's not her fault and I'm really happy that she let me know but....man, I'm getting really sick of being in Unpublished Author Waiting Limbo!

Okay, so sucky day for me today. I'm still at the bottom of the well and currently have no idea how to climb out. Hugs appreciated though.

Valentine's Day in Limbo

Okay, so, since Elissa nailed shut the escape door in Unpublished Author Waiting Limbo, I am now trapped here. Which means you will all have to put up with me moaning about it until I manage to swim the lakes of fire, slay the two-headed dogs, manage to scale the nine hundred million mile high barbed-wire fence, and somehow unlock the fabulous double doors that lead to Published Author Waiting Limbo. So if you all get sick of me, blame her. ;-)

In the meantime, since it's Valentine's Day I am going to give all you wonderful blog friends a little gift for making Unpublished Author Waiting Limbo just a little more bearable (not to mention blocking all my cunning escape routes you evil wenches, hehe).

Now, I'm not feeling very Valentiney since all I got this morning was a cup of coffee and a stale croissant. However, the day is still young(ish) and Dr Jax may yet redeem himself. So, to that end, please enjoy this small inspiration on me. Hoo is making cocktails (Sex on the Beach if you must know) so feel free to settle in. For those of you who have already seen it (and I'm sure most of you have, do indulge again. Personally I think you can never have too much of a good thing. Especially if that good thing is David Gandy wearing next to nothing.



And I think it decides the argument about white speedos quite conclusively. Yes, they are sexy.

Happy Freaking Valentine's everyone. :-)

The View from the Bar in Unpublished Author Waiting Limbo

There is a special place that all unpublished authors wanting to submit to a publisher evenutally congregate in. It's called Unpublished Author Waiting Limbo. It's really not either heaven or hell but I'm going to designate it hell and give it it's very own special circle because Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo can be torture. And it's not because Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo is full of devils with pitchforks and crows pecking your eyes out. It's actually quite a nice place. There are comfy couches and seats. Magazines to read. A little library of books. There's a bar and music. A nice fire going. It seems comfortable. But that's just on the outside. Inside, every single author is torturing themselves with "what's happening to my submission?" Because that's the problem with Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo. You don't know. And when we don't know, our brain makes up all kinds of stories about what is happening with your sub. Maybe it's taking so long because the ed loves it and is getting a second opinion? Maybe it's taking so long because the ms has gone missing? Maybe it's taking so long because the ed hasn't got to it yet? Maybe she hates it and it's gone in the bin and I didn't get the rejection email?
There are thousands of stories in Upubbed Author Waiting Limbo, all happening inside the authors heads. The human brain abhors not knowing and so when we don't know what's happening, it just goes ahead and makes stuff up for us.

Yay for brains.

Anyway, my brain is a master of making stuff up for me in the absence of not knowing. Currently, I have three subs out. Sub number one has been gone four and a half months now and since I have been passed to a new editor, I fear my Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo clock has been reset back to sub number two, which has been gone six weeks. Sub number 3 is SYTYCW and two weeks after everyone else has had responses, I am still waiting for mine. I do not know why I haven't heard but currently my brain is telling me they either never got my entry or they've lost it. This is making Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo a very unpleasant place to be right now and I wish I wasn't here.

I've got quite familiar with Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo. It's actually become like home. I'm starting to put up pictures and photos, put a nice rug down, got my special pillow. But you know, it's not really home. I see people who have been here less time than me get that magical response which fires them up to heaven or down to hell, and I am jealous. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to move on to Published Author Waiting Limbo which is just through the fabulous double doors down the end of the hallway. The doors that are guarded by two-headed dogs, a lake of fire, and a 900 million foot high barbed wire fence.

Some days I am okay with being in UnPubbed Author Waiting Limbo. I've got friends here and the vodka is cheap and plentiful. But today is not one of those days. There is a way out though. There's a small doorway behind the bar that will let you crawl to freedom and I'm sitting at the bar contemplating that doorway right now. It's in the opposite direction to Published Author Waiting Limbo of course but there aren't any two-headed dogs or lakes of fire or fences. Just five minutes walk and I can open it and be free of Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo forever. And it's starting look very, very attractive.

Yes, I know the best way to handle it is to write, and yes, some days that's what I do. But Unpubbed Author Waiting Limbo wears you down. It can sap your creativity. And no matter how hard you try, you just can't get your brain to stop thinking about why you haven't heard yet and devising various hideous scenarios about how lame your sub is and how your email filter is somehow deleting every email that could possibly be from an editor.

Today, as I am waiting for some sort of SYTYCW news and failing to get any, is a day of no creativity or inspiration. It's a day of frustration. It's a day where I think I will NEVER escape this place. I will be here for ever and ever and ever. It's a day of thinking that it isn't worth it and that it would be so easy to end the torture and just walk out the doorway at the back of the bar.

And right at this moment I want to.

Ten Ways to Make Your Hero Suffer

Still nothing from SYTYCW but apparently the last responses are going to be sent out this week. I am feeling extremely nervous as some Rs without feedback have already gone out so - like everything in this business - there are no guarantees.

Anyway, as a kind of distraction, I thought I'd turn my thoughts to torture. As you do. Hero torture in particular. Now call me a sadist but torturing my characters is one of my all time favourite things to do, especially torturing my heroes because let's face it, who doesn't love a tortured hero? Yeah, there is such a thing as too much angst, I know, so it's a fine line. But still....tortured heroes....mmmm...*drools*...

Ahem.

So, how does one torture one's hero? Well here's my top ten list of ways to get the best out of your hero's emotional pain. :)

1. Give him a heroine who is the antithesis of everything he believes in but then give her a couple of qualities that the he can't help admiring. Watch his agonies as he tries to tell himself he doesn't like her. Or admire her. No freaking (or other suitable F word) way!

2. Have your heroine be utterly irresistable physically to him so that he can't helping wanting badly, no matter how much his brain tells him don't go there. Oh wants...but shouldn't...but I do...but I can't...etc...

3. Make the heroine totally indifferent/unaware/derisive of his usual slick moves so that he has to behave differently and thus be out of his comfort zone if he wants this fabulous, fascinating woman. Dammit!

4. Have him tell himself that he doesn't really want her, that it's just physical. And then put him in a situation where he realises that actually, it isn't. Oh noes!!

5. If he's being overly alpha, have the heroine tell him he's being a jerk and if he doesn't stop behaving like an ass, she's outta there. No one tells me what to do! Ever! But she's leaving and I'll never... Double dammit!

6. Get him in a situation where he has to talk about his feelings with the heroine. Hey, he's a guy. Worst. Thing. Ever.

7. Make sure he's totally comfortable with the relationship he has with the heroine. It's just about sex. It's just about being friends. It's just about being work colleagues. It's cool. It's fine. Everything's dandy. Then watch him squirm when you make him realise that he's falling in love.

8. Put him in a scene where he thinks he's doing something nice for the heroine and then have it backfire on him because a) he's misjudged the heroine or b) the heroine's conflict means it's actually the worst possible thing he could have done (see heroine torture) or c) he still hasn't learned that he has to do things differently from the way he's always done them if he wants this, particular woman. Lots of bleeding potential here. Can also lead into number 6 for added torture. Or number 10 for maximum angst.

9. This is a risky maneouvre but you can have him do something alpha that makes the heroine laugh at him. This can be good for uptight, buttoned up heroes. And in fact, can be a real growing moment if he figures out that actually, being laughed at won't kill him and that sometimes laughing at oneself can be a good thing. Who doesn't love a hero who knows when he's being a d*ckhead?

10. Have him realise he's in love with the heroine and know that there is no way that he will ever - EVER! - be with her. (Unless he does something totally and completely way out like risking his heart and telling her he loves her).

Naturally all of this depends on the hero, his conflict and his motivation. And some of these may not apply to some heroes. Hey, there are guys who actually quite like talking about their feelings! But usually I find that if I put my heroes in any one of these situations, they don't like it. Don't like it at all. Just being cruel to be kind though. Because the more you torture your characters, the more emotion you get from your story, the more your characters learn and the more wonderful your HEA. :-) In this case, the end justifies the means. Hehe.

Anyone else got any good torture suggestions? Bring 'em on!

So You Think You Can Wait Part 2

I'm still in waiting room hell. Have heard nothing re SYTYCW this week. I'm almost wishing I'd got one of the Rs they sent out last week because then at least I'd know. But the worst part is that after waiting another week after everyone else, I STILL could get an R. Groan. Poor eds, they had flu and then a snow day, and no doubt are up to their eyeballs in lots of other stuff, but the timing sure does suck. At least I'm not the only one though. There are a bunch of us who haven't heard so that's something. Means I won't be getting too paranoid about whether they even received my entry!

Anyway, now I have to wait until NZ Tuesday before I find out anything. I know, drama queen right? Well, I'm afraid that's me. Drama queen extraordinaire. And when you know you're going to hear about a sub 'any day' you just can't just forget about it. At least, I can't. It has made writing this week very difficult (waking up at 5am every day to check your email gets a little tiring - and no, I didn't purposefully wake up at that time!). I've got 'waiting paralysis' basically. Plenty of stuff I should be getting on with but I keep coming up against the 'will they even want the rest of this?' barrier. Same with all my new ideas, especially since - when you're targeting Riva - you have no idea whether what they're looking for...

Well, that's my vent of the month. Anyone got any tips as to good distraction techniques?

Portrait of the Artist as a Young(ish) Romance Writer (TM)

In the absence of SYTYCW news (yes, still waiting), here's a picture of me being stupid.

A day or two ago, Joanne Coles suggested on Twitter that Maisey Yates needed bons bons and champagne and then she'd be a real romance writer. Following a discussion about stereotypes, Maisey instantly came back with this gorgeous pic of her as 'The Romance Writer'.

And since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, here is Jackie Ashenden lounging on her day bed while she drinks champagne and eats chocolate, her faithful lapdog by her side.

Note: She is not wearing a gauzy dress but a gauzy top is de rigeur. She also had gold shoes. Ignore the jeans, though they are more Riva aren't they? Purists also may note that her glass is empty. That's because she's waiting for her buff and oiled manservant to pour her another. :-)


So, tell me faithful blog readers, what do you wear while you're writing? A gauzy, flowy dress? Chick-lit strappy sandals? Do you drink pink champagne and pet your toy poodle while you dictate to a minion? Or do you - heaven forfend - slop around in your pyjamas while you tap away?

My Chapter 8 Horror

In the absence of news from SYTYCW (due to a badly timed bout of flu - poor eds!) and, indeed, any news from anywhere else, I thought I'd do a post on that tricky beast pace.

First, let me set the scene:

Due to difficulties with a scene, Jackie asks Dr Jax to read the Hammer Pants ms for his opinion.

Dr Jax reads the entire thing and comes back with: "Chapter 8 is flat."

Jackie (hears 'your ms sucks completely and all of it is crap): "But there's some really important stuff in that chapter!" querelously.

Dr Jax: "There's too much exterraneous detail."

Jackie (hears: 'your dialogue sucks and so does your conflict'): "But I have to get over the conflict, the romantic connection, the past in that chapter! And they talk about important things!" reflects on awesome, emotional dialogue now deemed exterraneous detail.

Dr Jax: "Yeah but you could do all of that in half a paragraph."

Jackie (hears: 'The whole ms is terrible, you're a terrible writer, you'll never get this crap published'): "But how can I do that? I don't know what to do!!" wails, soul destroyed.

Dr Jax: "I don't know, you're the writer." callously.

Jackie flounces off in a huff.

Dr Jax: "But what about that scene you wanted to discuss?"

End of conversation.

Oh yes, I had lots of fun this weekend. But you know the real kicker? He was right!!! Chapter 8 was as flat as a pancake. There was no pace.

So what's pace? It's actually a tricky thing to describe and better people than me can say it better than I can but for me it's the sense of movement you get when you read something, the sense that the characters are driving you on to find out what's going to happen to them. There you go, see, I suck at explaining but when there is no pace, the scene feels like watching a dull play. Lots of people standing around talking and not much of anything happening.

And my chapter 8 was pretty much like that. The h&h were standing around discussing things but nothing was happening. Oh, they were discovering things about each other but really, the conflict wasn't being furthered in any way, shape or form. It kind of sucked.

How to fix it? Well, I've been steadily taking on board craft stuff for the past year and a half but the one thing I couldn't seem to get a handle on was Goal, Motivation, Conflict. I mean, I got the conflict part, and then I could understand motivation, but goal? Nope, that part of the jigsaw wouldn't fit. Until about the end of last year and you know when you have a lightbulb moment? Yep, I had one of those.

Anyway, chapter 8? No goals. The characters had nothing to strive for, no expectations about each other. This is not the big goals I'm talking about here, just the little ones. What did my heroine expect when she flew off to meet the hero? What did my hero expect when he came to meet her? I have no idea because I didn't put it in! He met her at the airport and they went straight to his house and had a lovely time. Oh and talked. Lots. But nothing really happened. Bah.

So, after a lovely chat with the CPs (who ARE writers so boo to you, Dr Jax!) I finally got a plan. I needed to figure out what my hero/heroine wanted/expected at the beginning of the chapter and how a response from one or the other of them would confound and frustrate those expectations. Example, what if the hero didn't meet the heroine at the airport like he'd told her? How would she feel/respond? And what would he do in response to that? And how would this change the relationship by the end of the chapter? Already I can think of a number of ways this would change things and make the chapter a lot more dynamic.

You notice that I'm doing this in retrospect? A good plotter would probaby have worked all this stuff out beforehand but I am a pantser from way back and this is just the way it has to be. Interestingly, this is the chapter that has always felt a bit lacklustre to me and thanks to Dr Jax and his crit, I now know why and thanks to the CPs, how!

Poor old Hammer Pants. It may not even get past the partial stage but it's been great in terms of learning stuff and identifying problems, I'll give it that.

Anyone else have any difficulties with pace? Do you know what you're doing when you write it or are you like me and only see it after the stupid thing is finished?

BTW, Kate Walker has done a fabulous post on voice. Go check it out if you're still unsure about what constitutes an author's voice.

So You Think You Can Wait

I still haven't heard re SYTYCW. If it wasn't for a bunch of other people who haven't heard either, I would be REALLY paranoid now that my entry was lost. It still could have been for all I know. Sigh. The most annoying thing of all is that now I have to wait until Tuesday NZ time which is aaaaages away! *whines*

I think I must be the only person (apart from Maisey) who hates weekends. :-)

Ah well, in lieu of news, have another round of drinks on Hoo. Elissa mentioned eye candy so here's a bit of David Gandy for you too. He's currently - or this picture in particular - the inspiration for my chess grandmaster. Now, look at that and tell me that's not sexxxayyy!

Still Waiting....

I'm still waiting to hear back re SYTYCW. It's like waiting for the firing squad to get to you. They've shot everyone else, there's only you left. Groan! And it's worse for me because normally my news comes while I'm sleeping due to the difference in time zones between the UK and NZ. Yay for sleeping! This time it looks like the news is coming from Toronto and the difference in time zones is different. I'm awake during their work hours and it's horrible! Wish I was still asleep.

Alright, so, while I am waiting, pull up a chair and share your SYTYCW stories. Got an R you want to vent about? Some feedback you can't understand? Still waiting like me? Share! I'll get Hoo to mix some drinks...

And while he's at it, check out the Sisters' blog and the awesome post Maisey has written re strengthening that first chapter.