Nothing to Say So Here's a Picture of a Man Instead

Iam feeling generally unenthused about everything at the moment, most especially writing. Oh, don't get me wrong, I always write. Every day, mostly. But the writing has become a bit of a battle lately and nothing's going right.

So to save you all from a fantastic vent, I am posting a nice pic of a nice man instead. I've posted him before but I think he's worth a second glance. He is my inspiration for my chessplayer hero, which I am now in the process of rewriting from Riva to Presents. And considering how much easier it is to write as a Presents, it probably means I've been aiming this story at the wrong line.

Bah.

A Post About Rugby (No, Really)

If you had told me two weeks ago I would be writing a blog post about rugby I would have told you you were mad. I am not a ruby fan. I never watch it. I know the ball is oval, that you need to score a try to earn points and that you can earn more points by kicking a goal. I know that the big huddle of men on the field is called a scrum. But that's it. Up until yesterday, I didn't even know that the first five eight is a position, not the first man who's over 5'8. :-)

This is unheard of for a NZ'er. Especially during the World Cup. What world cup you ask? Well, the Rugby World Cup. It's kind of a big deal here because we've been hosting it (no, not me personally though I could use the $100 million or so revenue that's apparently been generated). Plus the fact that we are a really tiny country and rugby is just about the only team sport we can compete on the world stage and stand a good chance of actually winning. Which we did on Sunday night.

Now, as I said, I never watch rugby but it was difficult to get away from the final game since we were in it and we were supposed to walk all over poor, old France. In actual fact, France nearly walked all over us. I could not watch the game. Jackie, who actively dislikes rugby, could not watch it because I was too damn nervous. In fact, it was ridiculous how invested I was in this game. I played computer games while trying to ignore the howls from the living room, my little heart leaping every time there was a cheer.

What's this got to do with writing? Hang on, I'm getting there. Anyway, we finally won. By one point. And I was watching the commentary afterwards and hearing what they were saying and thinking, wow, this game is a little like writing for publication. The same nervousness (as you wait on a submission), the same grim determination to hang on when everything looks like another big rejection, the same sense of helplessness when the other team score....
And then the commentary started talking about this one, particular All Black. Two weeks earlier, Stephen Donald had been watching the cup on TV, having a beer and doing a spot of whitebaiting (fish, if you don't know what whitebait are). He wasn't in the Cup squad and had been told pretty firmly he wouldn't be either. And yet two weeks before the big final, due to injuries concerning other players, he got a couple of calls on his mobile - which he didn't answer because he was too busy with his whitebait. Eventually when he did, the news was that he had been called up onto the squad. Then on the night, after more injuries, and he was called onto the field. Then he kicked the goal that earned us the Cup. From zero to hero in two weeks.

The commentary afterwards talked a lot about Stephen Donald. About how, when you think it's all over, when the country has forgotten you, opportunities can come along and you can suddenly find yourself right in the middle of it again. That these opportunities come when you least expect them to. Apparently sport is full of these moments, but, from what I hear from other writers, writing is like this too. That right when you least expect it, when you've got your hundredth rejection, something comes round the corner that you never thought would happen.

I hope that's the case. Because right now, I'm feeling a little like Stephen Donald. I'm sitting on my couch with my beer (no whitebait though cos I hate fish. Okay and replace the beer with a martini, cos I don't like that either!). I'm watching the Cup on telly and cheering everyone else on, wishing I was there too and wondering if I've missed my chance. I hope not cos unlike Stephen Donald, I have been training really, really hard. And one thing's for certain - if the call ever comes, I won't be too busy fishing to answer it. :-)

Calm the $%* Down - Tips for the Over-Optimistic Writer

I am an optimist. No, really, I am. "But you run your subs down ALL the time!'' I hear my CPs shout. It's true, I do that. But that's just a cunning front. Because deep inside, I am an honest to God, genuine, over-the-top optimist. And not in a 'I think my sub isn't too bad and perhaps I might get a request for more this time' way. In a 'OMG, what if the editor loves this SO MUCH she calls me before she's even finished the first page and offers me a million dollar contract right there and then???' way.

It's giant pain in the butt. Every single time I send out a sub or enter a contest, this little piping voice is going "Hey hey hey! What if...???" And no matter how I try to ignore it, some part of me is nodding and thinking, 'yeah...wouldn't that be awesome?' So when I actually get the 'This submission is so bad, my dog could write it better than you'* letter it is GUTTING. Because although I tell myself it's fine, deep down I'm envisaging movie rights and Angelina Jolie in the title role. It sucks and so I have to stomp on this little voice because all the things its telling me are Never. Going. To. Happen.

However, the problem with this is that then you start sounding negative about everything due to the fact that you're constantly talking yourself down. And you don't really want to be doing that either. So what can you do about it? How to deal with the disappointment?

Well, I have taken the liberty of compiling a little list (warning, use at your own risk):

1. Knock your head repeatedly against a wall until a) the voice shuts up or b) you knock yourself unconscious.
2. Compromise. If it will stop telling you the editors are SO going to ring you at 3am to tell you how much they love it and are going to publish it RIGHT NOW, then you'll stop trying to tell it that in fact the editors will be sending YOU a request letter requesting that you never submit to them again.
3. Let it have its fun. Listen to its siren songs. Then go off and have as martinis as you need to forget you ever listened to it in the first place.
4. Stick your fingers in your ears, sing 'lalalala' loudly until you can't hear it anymore.
5. Book yourself into a nice little hospital for a nice little 'rest'.
6. Give into it. Believe everything it says. Then write rejection letters to publishers rejecting their rejections.
7. Pack it up in a box labelled 'Satan', push it to the back of your mind, and get lost in writing your next book.

Okay, so is this sounding as mad as I think it does? Or does anyone else out there have OTT Optimists that need settling down too?

*Not an actual quote from an actual rejection in case you were wondering.

The Dog Ate My Blog Post

Because school holidays have ruined my career as a wanna-be romance novelist, not to mention keeping this blog up to date, I'm taking the easy way out post-wise and directing your attention to the Sisters' site where I have a post about emotion up there. It's one I was going to do for here but since I forgot it was my turn to do a post and considering that dogs can't really eat blog posts (I don't have a dog anyway), I had no excuse but to sacrifice it to my Sisters. It's on emotion in conflict and also has a totally gratuitous picture of Magnum PI.

If that doesn't float your boat and music is more your bag, then go here where, for your veiwing pleasure the lovely Maisey Yates covers an Adele song. She can write, she can sing...Is there anything this woman can't do?? :-)

A Budgie Called Doris - The Perils of Backstory

I am consistently amazed by how little backstory you need in a first chapter. I know! Who'd have thunk it? But it's true. The reader does not need to know as much you think they do.

The reason I'm concerned with backstory is that I've been wrestling with the beginning of this chess ms and as I was reading over the last few iterations, I realised something. I've fallen into the old backstory trap too. As in detailing EVERYTHING that has led up to the moment my hero and heroine meet. Oh, I tried to kind of feed it in all subtle-like but there were still paragraphs of explanation. Paragraphs, people! And fundamentally none of those paragraphs needed to be there.

As a friend of mine shared with me last week, a bit of advice she had from somone else - you need to start the story when the water boils. You do not need to start with the heroine choosing the pot. Deciding whether to use hot or cold water. Finding the right top for the pot. Turning on the element. Putting it on the stove. Setting the timer....etc, etc. Get the idea?

It's very tempting to put everything in that first chapter. Because you know all about your characters and they're so interesting, you want the reader to be interested too. Plus you think it's vital that the reader knows the set-up otherwise how will they understand what's going on? Actually, readers (and I say this completely as a reader) are very forgiving with setup. If the story grips them immediately, they're not going to worry about why the bad guy is chasing the hero. Or why the heroine's company is going down the tubes. They'll trust you to explain it eventually. All they need to know is that the bad is chasing the hero and that the heroine's company is going down. What they want to know is what does the hero/heroine do about it? At least, that's what I want to know.

Say, for example, you have a hero whose major conflict is that he had a budgie called Doris who died in a tragic birdbath accident because he left her cage open once when he was a boy. He never got over it and now he refuses to love anything for fear of losing them and also has a terrible fear of water. Now, say your opening chapter starts with his goal of wanting to buy the heroine's bird sanctuary. But she doesn't want to sell for reasons of her own. Now, you could start this with the hero talking to a colleague about how he's tried to buy up all the bird sanctuaries in the area but hasn't managed to land this one. Or you could start it with the hero musing moodily out the window about how this tricky heroine has manage to elude him yet again. Or you could start it with him looking in the mirror and reflecting on how handsome everyone tells him he is but he doesn't think so but he kind of likes the way the light shines on the artfully messy spikes of his blue-black hair ( do NOT do this one btw).
Or you could start it with the hero having to row a boat over a lake to get to the heroine's house so he can talk to her in person.
Hint: three of these starts are detailing putting the pot on to boil. One of them is the pot boiling.
In the fourth, in one fell swoop, you have the hero trying to overcome a fear (conflict) to get the sanctuary (goal) because he's a perfectionist and he has all the sanctuaries in the area and this is the last one on his list (motivation). You don't need to go into the reasons why this is. All the reader needs to know is the above. Of course they'll be thinking 'why is he rowing?' 'Why can't he just call her?' 'Why does this matter to him?' But that's all stuff that will become clear in the story as you go on.

Anyway, that's probably a very bad example, but I reckon a good excercise to do is to take out ALL the backstory in your first chapter, then read it as if you don't know these characters or their story. Then put back only what you need in order to make sense of it. Nothing else. The rest you can feed in as and when you need it later.

Easy eh?

*Jackie rubs hands as another writing problem is easily solved* * contemplates rejections*
*gives up and tries macrame instead*

That Ole Emotional Connection Type Thing Again

When I was a baby author, I really liked my characters to fight ALL THE TIME. Why? Because I liked the angst and conflict and the torment and the anguish. It was awesome, plus I got to write hot, angsty love scenes which is always a bonus. Unfortunately there was also a problem with this approach. Like, where is the freaking romance here???

Angry, fighty scenes are all yummy and angsty and delicious but if there's too many of them, you start to wonder why these two people are together if they hate each other so much and/or you just know their HEA is going to last all of five seconds. That, people, is not a romance. That is a soap opera.

Now, I'm not dissing soap operas here but if you want to write a good romance, you can't have fights and angst all the time. You have to have some moments where the characters love being together. When they make that all important emotional connection that tells the reader that these two are made for each other and when they sort out their issues, they will be together forever. And not in a 'eat every meal in total silence cos they can't think of anything to say to each other' kind of way, but a 'still having lots of nookie way into their 80s' kind of way. :-)

Anyway, the reason I've been thinking about this is because I've hauled out my chess ms with the idea of submitting in a contest and am wrestling with the beginning of it. I've rewritten the first three chapters of this wretched thing 50 million times already and it still isn't right. Why? Because it's a one night stand story and I just have NOT been able to nail down the emotional connection. When you find yourself writing paragraphs of justification and reasons for the heroine to sleep with the hero, you know something isn't going right. In fact, I figured that if couldn't write down her motivation in one sentence then I needed to stop writing until I could!

Now, I reckon emotional ONS stories are very difficult to get right. It's easy to get them to have the sex but to get two complete strangers to connect on an emotional level? Nup. Because what has to happen, in order to get that emotional connection going, is that both your characters have to drop - at least momentarily - their armour and be who they truly are with each other. You know that Michael Hauge thing about essence and identity? That essentially characters hide who they truly are behind a mask? What I mean is that in order for them to connect, each of them has to drop that mask. But because a ONS happens usually at the beginning of the book, it's actually very difficult for them to do that because as far they're concerned, they don't wear a mask. Their identity IS their true self (and I'm not talking dropping it all the way, I'm talking glimpses here. Flashes that intrigue and fascinate the other character enough that their emotions are engaged). Grrrr!

The other thing you have to get right in order to get that emotional connection is motivation. There is debate about whether guys need less motivation - it probably depends on the hero - but like it or not, the heroine has to have it (I know, I know, double standards). And it has to stem from something emotional, something to do with her conflict, because otherwise it'll end up being 'woohoo, sex!' which isn't bad if you're writing for Blaze. But it is if you're writing for some of the other categories (and hey, I know, I've got the Rs to prove it).

The reason this particular story has been difficult is partly because of the type of people my hero and heroine are, and partly because earlier, I didn't actually know them well enough. I knew their identities, but not the people they were inside. And without knowing that, I couldn't get them to connect on a deeper level. It was a bit like I'd taken two random strangers, put them in a room together and told them that they were hot for each other and could they make love now please. So not happening in other words.
It didn't help that my hero is not wanting sex at this particular time in his life and he's also EXTREMELY guarded so getting him to drop his mask for a bit (not to mention his trousers) was very, very difficult. Weird, I know. I eventually had to change the setup so he met the heroine at a moment in his life where those guards were perhaps lower than they would be normally. And then, because he wasn't into casual sex at that particular moment, I had to figure out what it was about the heroine in particular that affected him because mere sexual attraction was not enough for him (yes, he's a pain in the butt). But in order to know those things, I had to know him.

All in all, it was a very tricky business and no wonder I had difficulties at the start. Because what I was trying to do was make two people who would walk through boiling lava rather than admit to an emotional connection, have a bloody emotional connection!

But then isn't that what makes writing fun? Making our characters worst nightmares come true in the nicest possible way. :-)

So, what's the hardest thing you've ever made your characters do? And when I mean, 'you made' I mean that they did it themselves because of course you would never, ever, make your characters do anything... :-)

The 'I Hate My Story' Syndrome

I've got a general theme this week - first my stupid process and now I'm hating my stupid story. First draft blues in other words. I should know by now that at a certain point in the first draft - usually about 3/4s of the way through - I start to doubt everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. The characters, the conflict, the plot. Everything sucks. Sucks in a 'I can't stand this stupid thing, what's the point even writing it?' way.

I don't know why this happens but without fail it happens to every single story.

And I'm at that point now with the WIP. It feels like there's vital bits of conflict still to put in and I'm at 35k already. Vital bits of backstory. Conversations the hero and heroine still haven't had. I'm worried that the character arcs won't be clear enough. Have I put in enough 'romance'. Are the motivations clear. Does my plot actually work....

Basically it just sucks. Inevitably, once I've finished, I read back over it and I realise it's actually not as bad as all that but having to go through this particular doubting process is SUCH a drag. It's at times like this where I wish I was a first-time right kind of writer. Where your first draft, with a once over lightly edit, is pretty much the finished product. But I'm not, I'm a 'spew all your words down first, then edit the crap out of it later' kind of writer. And right now I'm thinking that there's way too much crap to edit out.

Maybe it's just the mood I'm in. Maybe my story really actually does suck bigtime. Maybe I need to bin the whole thing and start again.

So does anyone else have this syndrome? What do you do to keep yourself writing? Any hot tips???

Stupid Process

Yeah, well, sometimes my process is stupid. Why? Well, I've been doing again what I swore never to do - moving my characters to suit my plot. Gah! It's so insidious. You have a great idea for a scene perhaps mid-way through the book and because you love the idea of this scene so much, you start moving your characters towards it instead of letting it evolve naturally. At least that's what I've been doing. You'd think I know by now that when suddenly all the scenes get very hard to write and I feel like I'm wading through wet cement, it's a sign I'm pushing my characters not the other way round. But no, it's like 'Why is this scene so hard to write? Why aren't they doing what they're told? Why can't I get that lovely, flowy thing going? Argh!' *chucks keyboard across the room*

Sigh.

This is what happens when a die-hard pantser has to plot. Or when an impatient writer is desperate to write the 'good bits'.

I think for a lot of the past year, I've been trying to get back to the way I used to write. Which was having no idea for plot etc, just writing as it comes, finding out what was going to happen when my characters did. Which was fine. Until it came to revising something and then I realised that actually, craft wasn't there just to confuse me and make me feel annoyed. It was there because if you want to work with an editor and possibly get published, you kind of have to know the nuts and bolts of how to put a story together. Certainly you have to if you want to stay published. The problem with learning craft is that it can get in the way of how you write. You're so worried about conflict/character arc/structure etc, etc, that it can act as a barrier and totally kill your spark.

The mss I wrote last year were a case in point. It's like weaving a tapestry that you used to do totally by instinct and now you actually have to look at what you're doing. Make sure you've got enough blue threads, not too many reds, put in a bit of green, but watch out for too much yellow. Oh and not forgetting that you need a little bit of purple because ahead there's a design you want to do that has LOTs of purple in it so you have to put it in now. And because you're worrying so much about all the different threads, before you know it, your lovely weaving is just a paint by numbers job, not a fabulous, organic, creative bit of art.

Anyway, the point of this is that I need to get to a point where I can incorporate the craft I've learned, with my instinct. And that means not pushing your characters forward because you want to write a really good argument/love scene/black moment. Or because you need to get them to this point so you can have this particular scene (you would not believe the problems I had trying to incorporate a strip chess scene in my Chessman ms. It was SO hard. In the end I took it out because I realised my characters were trying to tell me something - they didn't want to play bloody strip chess!). For me I need to be with them in the moment, not think about what more I have to do for their characters arcs or how I'm going to work out their conflict etc etc. If I know my characters well enough, it'll work out. I have to trust my instinct more. Oh and probably stopping being so damn impatient would help too!

So, anyone else learned anything interesting about their process?

FOMO

Okay, confession time. I have been avoiding New Voices. Yep, totally and completely avoiding it. Why? Weeeeelllll, long story and one I'm not going to share on this blog but it was part of why last year was the Annus Horribilis of my writing career (can I call it a career when I'm not actually being paid for it??). Anyway, the problem with avoiding something this big is that...well....you actually can't avoid it. Especially when you have a bad case of FOMO. Not heard of FOMO? It's Fear Of Missing Out. :-)

So, I've got this FOMO thing going on and there are so many great writers out there who have entered and I am feeling so bad for not going and reading the entries...

I think I probably need to man up and at least go have a look. I'll never be able to read all the entries but I should go and read those of the people I know (sorry guys, I am a BAD friend).

As for entering myself... Well, last year people really liked my chapter and I was beyond thrilled at the feedback. But the sad fact of the matter was that it didn't get anywhere. And I have an inkling as to why after several people let me know - in the nicest possible way - what the problem with it was.

No conflict.

Oh, I had conflict. I had bags of it. But did I put it in that first chapter? No I did not. Neither did I give either character any discernable, obvious goal. They had nothing to fight for, nothing to make what they were doing matter either for them or the reader. And without a goal there is no momentum. The characters are just standing around talking. Sigh. I guess, if nothing else, I can be proud of the fact that even with that dreadful faux pas, everyone STILL really liked it. :-)

It's not a mistake I'll make again. I still don't know whether I'm entering this year or not. I have a chapter I'm working on that is NOTHING like my last year's chapter . But one thing it WILL have is conflict.

So here's my avoidant New Voices advice to you for what it's worth:

Make sure your conflict is there in the first chapter. Give your characters a goal, something to fight for. Make it matter. Make it simple and make it obvious.

Easy, right?

The Rules

I've got some Rules to follow over at the Sassy's site if you're interested. All about how to include alien motherships in Presents. (not really).

Synopsis Love

I know, you wondering how that's even possible. Because there is NO FREAKING WAY to love writing a synopsis. And actually, it's not that I love writing synopses (I don't, I hate 'em) or that I'm any good at writing them (Nup, not that either) it's just the past two synopses I've written have been the easiest ever. They weren't even two pages!

So what's my secret? Well, I kind of don't want to say in case it proves that I am wrong, wrong, wrong. And also there really isn't a secret (except some good advice from Maisey Yates). It's a case of learning to let go the details of the story and focus on what is really important - the development of the romance and the character arc. I know, it's hard to figure out what are 'details' and what aren't. If you include this bit, then that means you have to include that and before you know it, you've got one page just on the first chapter! (my hint is if you think it's a detail, it probably is. So leave it out!).

In fact, in many ways, for me it's easier to write a synopsis for a story I haven't written yet. Because that way, there are no details to bog me down, plus it's great for figuring out whether your conflict works or not. Nothing like getting halfway through a synopsis and realising that your characters don't have enough conflict. Or that what you thought was the conflict, isn't what they thought.

But anyway, why were these ones so easy to write? Because I did totally leave out any extraneous details apart from the external conflict that brings them together. The rest is just how broadly the romance develops - their first impressions of each other. How that makes it worse for them. How they find connection. How that connection makes it worse. What they do about that. Why that doesn't work. And then the change they have to make in order to be together (the resolution of the conflict). The turning points of the story, etc, etc.

Now this could all be entirely wrong of course and in fact my synopses are crap! But at this point, taking an hour or two to write one instead of the usual three days, with another two for hair pulling and complaining, is AOK with me.

And just to show you I'm not all about how wonderful my synopses are (not), I am also going to include this little linky thing here (Sonny Bill Williams and his ripped shirt). I am not a rugby fan but since the Rugby World Cup is happening in my neck of the woods (American visitors, please visit this link hehe), I thought it pertinent to gift to the world a small incident that actually made me watch part of a game. I think the person behind the camera must have been a woman...:-)

Distracting Myself From Pressing Send

It's subbing eve. Soon I will have two stories out there. Soon I'll be back on that big 'ole rollercoaster, viewing my inbox with trepidation, nay with horror. But what's a girl to do?

I had two really great pieces of advice when I confessed my subbing fear at the Auckland chapter group meeting last week. The first from the lovely Nalini Singh (namedrop, namedrop) who suggested getting out all the lovely things people have told me about my writing from contests etc and re-reading them. The second was from the also very lovely Yvonne Lindsay (more namedropping) who asked me whether I thought people deserved to read my stories. And my gut feeling was....hell yes!

Anyway, to distract myself from subbing fear, I am reading a book called One Day by David Nicholls. Not only is it a romance it is also awesome. At least so far - I haven't finished it yet. It charts the relationship of two people over the space of twenty years by concentrating on one day every year. So far the two protagonists are best friends (they start off as lovers) and as friends-to-lovers is my favourite trope in the whole wide world, I am loving it!

In fact, it's the story I wanted to write back when I was still a baby writer. In fact, I did kind of write it. Before I decided to concentrate on publication, the last story I wrote was a friends to lovers story over the space of twenty years. Coincidence? I think not!
However sadly the twist of writing one day every year didn't occur to me. And I suck at literary writing. And although I loved writing it and still adore the characters, there was SO much wrong with it it's not funny. For a start it's over 300k long. Then there's the fact that the heroine had no conflict. The hero did though I didn't explore it. There's also infidelity (hero/heroine), mountain climbing, a threesome (hero), drug taking (hero), lots of cussing, almost rape (heroine), overdoses (heroine plus others), ectopic pregnancy (heroine) and death by pulmonary embolism.

It was awesome.

Perhaps I should get it out, polish it up and send that out too. :-)

When You're Afraid of Your Own Story

Alrighty, I have now finished the partial requested by Mills and Boon, and also the full I need to send to to Carina. All I need to do is a final polish on both and then a synopses each. Easy.

Well, okay apart from actually writing the synopses.

And the HUGE subbing fear that is currently lurking around in my brain.

Yep, easy all right.

I think this might be a good time to remind myself of the speech Jane Porter gave at the close of the Romance Writers of Australia conference. She was incredibly inspirational and what she said really struck home to me at the time. She spoke about how long it too her to get published and the ups and downs of the industry. Then she then went on to describe a little incident with her son about how he was learning how to play baseball and how his coach was talking to him as he prepared to hit the ball, how the coach was telling him he owned the ball, this one was his, this one had his name written all over it, he could do it. The kid struck out about three times but the coach was constantly telling him how he could do it. How he could hit this one out of the park. And on the third time he did it.
She mentioned this in the context of how wonderful it is to have support when you're doing something hard, but I got something out of it that was a little different. Because it gelled with something else that someone had told me earlier on in the conference - that we are the experts in our stories. No one else knows our stories like we do. No one else knows our characters like we do.

And I thought to myself that yep, I'm that kid. I'm standing there with a bat in my hand. And that ball? That ball is my story and I've been afraid of it. Afraid I'll get it wrong somehow, that my characters will be wrong, that my conflict will be wrong, that my plot will be wrong. And for the past year, I've been kind of taking punts at the balls that keep being thrown at me, but I'm so afraid of them, I don't even try swinging. Because deep down, I'm not sure I can hit them.

I am not owning my stories. They are owning me.

Well, at the end of her speech, Jane spoke about not giving in to despair. That your journey is your own, it's not anyone else's. That all you've got is you - but that's the biggest strength there is.

And I thought 'yeah, she's bloody right'. I need to stop giving in to despair. Stop being afraid of my own stupid stories. Stop letting them own me. Because I am the expert here, not them. I write them, they don't write me. I own them. They're mine. And the more I own them, the greater the chance will be that I'll hit one of them out of the ballpark.

It may not be the ones I've just written. But one day, one of those stories will, literally, have my name written all over it.

So there, inspirational speech/pep talk/coach for the week. Just remind me of it when the time comes to hit send! :-)

RWNZ Conference - The Musical

Okay, so no, I'm not going to sing (you lucky people!) But after the conference I certainly feel like it. The passing of Sandra Hyatt cast a pall - how could it not? - but I'm sure she won't mind if I pass on some of the good things that came out of the conference. And there were some extremely good things.

1. My pitch to Lucy Gilmour. I'd won the First Impressions Contest #2 and my prize was the pitch. And since she'd already read and judged the first 1k of my story, we didn't really talk about it much. In fact we ended up about me and my writing (poor Lucy)! Anyway, she was lovely and so encouraging that I felt like getting down on my knees and paying homage. :-) Rather OTT I know but she laid to rest a great many fears I had. The end result anyway is that they're extremely excited about my Modern partial and are impatient to see it. Only hope I don't break it the way I broke the Hammer Pants ms.

2. My pitch to Angela James. Who loved it and asked if I had the ms with me. She was just joking of course but she was really keen which makes me really keen too. Now I just have to finish rewriting the end so I can send it to her.

3. Dinner where I got to sit beside the fabulous Natalie Anderson (Hoo took rather a shine to her as you can see), who wore her Adidas tracksuit (theme was the Rugby World Cup) complete with sparkly heels, and who had the best hair. She was wonderful company and made me swear that I would enter my next five - yes, you heard right - manuscripts into NZ's Clendon Award. I promised one. ;-) Anyway, go buy her new book because she's a fab author and lovely lady. Yes, buy it I tell you!

4. Molly O'Keefe. Who liked my hair. And gave one of the best ever workshops on conflict. It was so inspiring she even had a few lightbulbs herself and had to go off to jot them down. :-) Seriously, she was wonderful. A few highlights were having at least three facets to your character's life in your plot, and at least three scenes scenes for every facet. The first establishes it, the second raises the stakes, the third resolves it. She also gave a great run down on hooks and how to tweak them for that all important 'unpredictability factor'. Basically the way to do that is to think about why people love to read, say, a 'secret baby' story. Think about what people expect to have happen, then think about how you can tweak it so that it's different to what people expect.

5. Bob Mayer gave an awesome talk on how to write a great synopsis and also marketing of your book. The possibilities given social media are pretty endless and repetition seems to be key. The main points really are that only you can sell your book. No one else is going to do it for you.

6. Wearing my contest rosettes. In NZ, if you final or place in a contest, you get to wear rosettes and after a few conferences of a sadly bare chest, it was finally my turn. I had two! I had to be careful of their placement. ;-)

7. Collecting my certificates for my contest placings from Lucy Gilmour on the stage. Yeah, I know, but hey, I'm celebrating my successes here, no matter how small.

8. Spending time with the lovely Amanda Wilson and Cody Young.

9. Meeting more fellow writers who are also riding the roller-coaster with me.

10. Going home and finally being able to sleep without a million things scrambling around in my brain!

Anyway, I haven't really done justice to some of these things and that's mainly because when I got home and read through my notes, I realised they were hopeless. It's been a long time since my university days and clearly I suck at note-taking.

I haven't finished up my spiel about the Aussie conference either but since Jane Porter gave the most inspiring closing speech ever, I might save that for a seperate blog post. And besides, I'm pretty damn tired - two conferences back to back, especially when circumstances are tragic, are pretty full on.

Hope everyone else has been doing okay. Thanks also for your lovely comments re my last post on Sandra. It's going to take a while to sink in, let alone get past (not that you ever really do).

Sad News - Sandra Hyatt

I'm going to continue to my round-up of the RWAus Conference and then pass on some good stuff from the RWNZ conference too but I just wanted to mark the passing of Desire author, Sandra Hyatt.

I didn't know Sandra well but often had great chats to her at our Auckland chapter group meetings. In fact, I did a blog post not two weeks ago about our last meeting, where she talked about essence and identity - a subject that gave me a number of lightbulb moments about my WIP. Afterwards I had a chat to her about Desire and whether or not I should send something there, and she was so lovely and encouraging. Then she confessed that she was almost going to tell me that I was close [to selling] but that she wouldn't because she'd always hated it when people had said it to her. :-) I still remember laughing about that.

But what I've also been thinking about today is how she told us a little bit about the story she was working on. It sounded so different and fresh, and it's just so sad that this story will remain untold, as will all the other stories she had yet to write.

When something sudden like this happens you do kind of evaluate life and where you're heading. You think about your dreams. About what you want to achieve. About what's holding you back.
And I think the main thing that's come out of this for me built on what Jane Porter said at the closing of the RWAus conference a couple of weeks back...

Your stories are yours. No one else can write them for you. No one else can write them like you can. You own them. And if you don't get them down, they will remain untold.

Don't let them remain untold.

Deepest sympathies go out to Sandra's family and friends, and to the rest of the RWNZ

The Awesomeness that was the Romance Writers of Australia Conference - Part 1

Alrighty... *rolls up sleeves*

So this post is going to be about the best part of the conference (for me at any rate) - the people.

What came across quite clearly at the conference - from a number of different speakers - was what a wonderful bunch of people romance writers are. And I can quite categorically state that this is absolutely true. They are the BEST bunch ever and I couldn't have asked for better company. I want to have the weekend all over again just so I can spend more time with them all.

Anyway, here is a list of conference highlights in no particular order:

1. Seeing one of my CPs, the fabulous Rachel Johns, get her First Sale ribbon. It was especially funny to see her gas-bagging so much she almost forgot she had to go up on stage to get it!
2. Having the gorgeous Becca Heath's company at dinner with Mum and I.
3. Finally meeting the awesome Robyn Thomas AKA Chelsea Finch, one of my Sassy Sisters, face to face instead of via email.
4. Drinking the Moet that my Mum brought duty free in our hotel room with Bec and Rach before the awards dinner.
5. Not falling over on the way up to the stage to collect my High Five award.
6. My one minute of fame when I collected my High Five award.
7. Losing mobile service so I couldn't text my Mum (who was up in the hotel room) just before the High Five award was announced. Then getting it back again just in time for Mum to dash downstairs to the ballroom to see me collect the award!
8. Did I mention collecting my High Five award? ;-)
9. Having the wonderful Helen Lacey (Special Edition) recommend my blog to another author at our table.
10. Having my photo taken with the lovely Presents author Megan Crane (Caitlin Crews). I got quite shy and couldn't think of a word to say other than smile manically!
11. Saying hi to Jane Porter cos Maisey told me to. Cue another performance of me smiling manically cos I was too shy to say anything!
12. Tearing up at Jane's closing speech.
13. Hearing someone ask, at a panel discussion on heroines, whether any of the authors and editors present would do a crack-head heroine. Answer was: All in the execution. Cue a number of manuscripts being sent in that have crack-head heroines.
14. Having photos taken in the vintage photo booth with Robyn.
15.The plane not crashing either on the way to Melbourne or on the way back.
16. Having my amazing mother come with me, share her Moet, meet my writing buddies, see me collect my award, hold my hand on the plane, and just generally be the best roomie a girl could hope for. Love ya, Mum!

But of course, with every wonderful time, there are a few regrets:

1. That there wasn't a free night to go out to dinner with all my fabulous mates.
2. That I didn't ask Jane P or Megan if Hoo could get his photo taken with them.
3. That my other Sassies weren't there to join Robyn and I.
4. That the my fabulous mates don't live just down the road so I can go and talk to them whenever I want.
5. That the NZ conference wasn't quite so close!

Will do another post of the actual sessions I went to and some of the insights gained, but really, it was mostly about the people and I want to do it all over again!

Essence and Identity

Okay, this is last blog post before Melbourne and the RWAus conference. Really looking forward to it - especially spending actual face-time with some of my awesome online buddies. Plus I get the extra special treat of meeting one of my Sisters! *waves at Robyn just in case she sees this*

But before all that, I need to start contemplating the essence of my hero in the story I am going to pitch Lucy Gilmour. Why? Well, at our most recent chapter group meeting, the very wonderful Sandra Hyatt gave us a talk about the Micheal Hague workshop she did and part of it really resonated with me.

Our characters wear two faces - the face they show to the world, and the face they keep to themselves. The face they show to the world is their identity, the face they keep to themselves is their essence (the people they truly are). Now in the story, the characters should conflict at the level of identity, but they should connect at the level of essence.

I thought that was a very simple way of making sure there is conflict in a story, but also some real romance. Because it's the moments where the two characters connect that show the reader that these two are meant for each other. Of course what it means is that I need to figure out who my characters actually are, as opposed to the face they show to the real world. Tricky. I know the faces they show to the world but working backwards to find their essence is another thing.

Anyone have some handy tips??

BTW, a big shout-out to my chapter-mate Louise George who has recently sold to Medicals!! Awesome, Louise!! Her first book is out in March!

Another Ride on the Rollercoaster

Yep, the publication rollercoaster has pulled up outside my station and apparently there's a seat there with my name on it. What the hell am I talking about?

Found out yesterday I won the First Impressions Contest #2, a pre-RWNZ conference contest. Was pretty damn pleased, as you can probably guess. The past month has been vile so I was dreading to hear the final placings. The last contest I lucked out, coming fifth, and didn't receive a request which made me sad. To be fair, although the chapter was strong - I STILL think it was - the scenario/conflict it was very, very Presents and probably not different enough to warrant asking for more. My opinion entirely of course.

This other contest though, I didn't want to know where I'd come, certain it was last. But no. As well as coming first, I have also been asked for a partial and synopsis. Plus I get to talk through the idea with Lucy Gilmour at the conference. So big yays for me!! Especially as they really liked a small twist I'd put in with the heroine. She's a little bit different. I wondered if it was too much but no, apparently not. Now I just hope I can pull it off.

But with a big win comes also big fear. Did this last year with the High Five win and TOTALLY ballsed up my partial.

However, my writing is so much better than it was at that point last year. I have learned a hell of a lot and one thing is for sure, I will not be making the same mistakes again. Of course I may make different ones but I guess that's another story...

Anyway, bubbles all round for everyone!

Climbing Mt Ngauruhoe

Holidays over. Phew. And a new month, which is even better, cos July has been, quite frankly, a stinker.

Yep, you guessed it, moany post alert! I haven't had one for a while so I figure I'm due one.

Keeping going with this writing stuff hasn't got any easier I'm afraid. I've stoppped thinking of climbing Everest. I'm now thinking in terms of Ngauruhoe. This is a mountain in NZ - for all you LOTR fans out there, it's Mt Doom. Which is a very appropriate title.

Why the change? Well, with Everest if you have the right equipment and skill level, and the weather is on your side, you can get to the top. I admit that in my forays up Everest my skill wasn't great, nor my equipment the best. But then you don't know these things until you fall off. The other thing I needed was the weather but somehow or other, the right combination of skill, equipment and weather has never lined up favourably for me. However, the thing about Everest is that I mostly enjoyed climbing it.

But I'm not these days which is why it feels like I'm climbing Ngauruhoe instead. This is a mountain comprised totally of shale. Climbing it is like climbing a massive sand dune. One step up, two steps back. There's no joy in climbing it (at least, when I actually did climb it years ago, I hated every moment of it), because all you do is trudge and keep trudging. What you need to get to the top is dogged determination and the belief you can do it.

And that's what I'm struggling to find. Dogged determination and self belief. One step forward is always accompanied by two steps back. It's dispiriting.Which makes it hard to keep going. What's the point when no matter how hard you climb, you don't get any higher?

So, what do you all do when you're feeling this way? Got any tips for me? God knows I could use 'em! :-)

The Unbearable Lightness of an Old MS

This week has been a nightmare. School holidays, massive colds for both children, a broken leg that's taking ages to get better, and a husband who also has a cold... Argh. Where's my holiday??

As per usual I want to write and am frustrated by not being able to. Also frustrating are the doubt crows circling my desk. Some days I honestly don't know why I bother to push on. The successes are so few and far between that it seems like a masochist's game to keep at it.

Anyway, in the interests of keeping up some kind of momentum, and after a bracing round of thumping by the CPs (no, not actual thumping but the online equivalent) I have hauled out an old ms to give it a good going over before sending it out to another publisher. The one I thought I'd work on is one that Harlequin really liked and one I completely and utterly stuffed up the revisions for. :-( Hindsight is a bloody awful thing. I haven't looked at this particular ms for a couple of years because it was the 'one that could have been' and that's kind of painful. It's one that I did all kinds of things right but because it all happened completely by accident and not intent, I didn't know what those things were enough to be able to repeat them. In essence, the ms was rejected because my heroine didn't have enough conflict. They thought she was 'lovely' and the hero 'perfect' but conflict for her? Uh huh.

Getting it out and reading it again was bittersweet. Bitter because of all the 'what ifs'. What if I had known what I was doing? What if I'd managed to rewrite it better? What if I'd really understood what the problem was? And sweet because, you know, it's STILL a pretty good story. At least, even two years later and having learned all that I learned, I think it works.

But the problem? Oy! I saw it immediately in the first chapter where I had written 'she just wanted to be accepted for who she was'. Now that right there is the heroine's character arc. And it should be what she realises at the mid-point of the story or even towards the end, not what she understands in the first chapter! Can anyone say too self aware??? And that, in a nutshell, is why she didn't have any conflict. Because where else can she go from there? What more can she learn about herself? If she knew she just wanted to be accepted for who she was, then why didn't she go and do something about it? Why did I make her pretend to be someone else? Characters are supposed to think they're fine at the beginning of the book and part of their journey is figuring out they're not as fine as they think they are. At least, that's what I've been taught about character arc.

Sigh.

I guess the good thing about this is that the rewriting is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I just have to make her less self aware. I have to make her think she's fine as she is. She doesn't need acceptance, pshaw, what a silly thing to think, etc, etc. Oh yes and need to beef up her actual conflict (because she actually did have some, it just wasn't very clear). And then...then I guess I will have to think about subbing it. Somewhere.

Anyone else hauled out an old piece of writing? Was it as bad as you thought? (c'mon, we ALL think that right?) Or were you pleasantly surprised?